chaz720.net - journal

February 28, 2000

Welcome to the 'Things to do after you have given your two weeks' edition of Ryan's journal.
1) Call your boss by there full name, or if the usually use a nickname, use their real name.
2) Obey every command the managers give you, but interprete them like a jack ass, example: when asked to tag something, put up more tags and signs than they can count.
3) Buy everything you want on your discount, if you don't want anything, take orders from friends.
4) Any time a customer asks to speak to a manager, assure them that the manager is a moron, and piss them off before the manager gets there.
5) After the manager leaves, apologize to the customer loudly that the manager is just in a bad mood because their homosexual partner just threw them out of the house.
6) Carry on a conversation with a customer while you know the manager is listning about how bad you think the store's polocies are.
7) Refer people to Best Buy for everything (they are right accross the street from us)
8) answer all the customer's questions yes or no.
9) Randomly fire people whether you have the authority to or not, be as convincing as possable.
10) Put the trashcan on the desk, and label it 'depository for corporate ideas'.
11) Every now and then, ask your manager what sex they are.
12) Recomend the most absolutely unreliable items, and generally wrong products to everyone so that people will come back and yell at the managers.
13) Call in sick.
14) Call in dead.
15) Call in tired.
16) Do the previous three within 5 minutes of each other.
17) Bring a Rubix cube or a yo-yo to work and play with it all day.
18) Great every customer with, 'yeah', if they complain, repeat thing #18, then go to thing #7.
19) Page the manager to pick up a call on 8027 (the PA channel), keep doing it even though they never pick up.
20) At nine o'clock, make up your own closing anouncments, be creative.
21) instead of facing, deface everything, this is much more entertaining.
22) Play with the new camera at the upgrade counter and zoom in on customers asses, record and playback a short loop.
23) Capture a still of one of the managers and deface it, display it on the computer that the monitors are all hooked up to.
24) Take a quick look at the inside of someone's computer to test a theory of yours, forcefully wedge the screwdriver into the mainboard, yell, 'ah, fuck' as loud as you can and then escape out the back door of the tech shop.
25) And last but not least, brake all the drawers in the tech department, one by one.

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