chaz720.net - journal

July 01, 2000

Well, I finally got up to that top trail that I was trying to get up to yesterday. I found a different path that got me up there a hell of a lot easier than the one I was going to use that had the tree in it. I am going to go buy a camera tomorrow and take a whole bunch of pictures of the area, and I might even use this scanner here (assuming it works) to put 'em up on the page not too long from now, I'll keep up. Today we got the dock all fastened down properly and we got the boat all cleaned up and de-winterized so now it is ready to go back in the water. Except the battery died after one start, so it is currently up at the barn being recharged. We wouldn't have really been able to do anything with it now anyway, cause Archy hasn't gotten an updated liscence sticker for it. Hopefully by Monday we'll have that worked out and then I can go water-skiing, yay! I was riding down the side of the mountain along the trails I was using today and I thought of something. I don't think there has been a major action movie that has had an ATV chase it it. I think it would be really cool to have a chace take place going about 40 mph down the side of a steep mountain trail. They could have the chase go through rivers and mud and all kinds of junk, that would be almost as fun to watch as it is to do, particularly if it were filmed well. Today I was going to lay out and get some sun and I did for a while, but I think I started a little to late in the day as I am barely a different color as I started. Maybe if tomorrow is nice I will go get a tan a little earlier in the day. We shall see. Unfortunately right now I seem to have a fever of some sort. I haven't really noticed any other symtoms of illness yet. I just have a bit of a headache and a temperature of about 100.8. Not by any means life threatening, but I have felt better. Last night when I was trying to fall asleep there was this stupid fly that was making a horrible noise. I turned on the lamp to see if I could kill it and it kept flying over to the lamp and landing on the light bulb, and then about 2 seconds later it would start flying around frantically until it's feet healed, then it would go back and do it all over again. this went on for about 10 minutes until I whacked it right out of the air with a sock. Take that you no good fly! Another day full of wave-running and ATVing and tomorrow or the next day we are going to go load up on fireworks to set off. Apparently there is a guy just down the lake (I think ironically enough he's Canadian) who buys several thousands of dollars worth of fireworks each year and has a huge display. I am going to get some extra sleep to see if I can't rid myself of this bug before it puts a damper on my weekend. Oh, and there's one other thing I'd like to mention... ..right now, it's about 10 o'clock, and if I looked outside at the sun (aside from being blinded) I would swear it was 5. Yes, here it is a sick world where it's only dark for about 5 hours or so at a time. It starts getting actually dark around 11, completely dark at midnight, and then the sun starts coming up at 4:30 or 5. But I don't let that phase me, despite having a window in my room that faces East I still manage to sleep in until 11 or 12 :P.

July 02, 2000

I think that I am quite possibly destined to never have much of a tan. Maybe I have just gone too long without getting a descent tan and I'm just broken or something, who knows. I laid out in the sun for almost an hour today and I am only slightly a differnent color than when I started, it's a bit discouraging I must say. I am going to lay off of the ATVing for a while because I can't seem to avoid getting almost killed on the mountain everytime I get on one and go up there. What was a fever and a headache yesterday appears to be all but completely gone today. I feel much better after a bunch of sleep. While I was busy falling asleep last night I wrote some poetry, (oh no... ...ryan is trying to be poetic! I know I know, but hear me out):

you can lie to your father
you can lie to your mother
you can lie to your sister
you can lie to your brother
you can lie to a squirril
you can lie to a dove
you can lie to your friends
you can lie to your love
you can lie to your RA
you can lie to police
you can lie to the store clerk
you can lie to your priest
you can lie all day long
you can change what's been said
you can lie to fit in
you can lie to get ahead
you can lie to your co-workers
you can lie to your boss
but if you lie to yourself
you've already lost
-RS

I walked slowly along the sand
as my feet depressed the warm grains
a trickle of water sprung up between my toes
I sensed someone was there

someone, somewhere was holding me up and I them
they were calling to me as the crests broke
their voise told me our purposes were one
this place was meant for me, and I for it
-RS

I had nothing to do
-RS

I laid on my back in the field
and I began to count the stars
I had all the time in the world to report
a number to the people of the world
think of the fame, think of the glory
"world finally knows exact star count"
and my name would appear in books
right along there with all the great ones
as my hair grew thin and grey
it became difficult to keep my count
one day I grew tired of counting and went to sleep
no headlines were ever published with my name
-RS

so that was me being bored last night as I think poem #3 describes. The 4th of July is going to be really cool here. Apparently that Canadian doctor has bought $50,000 on fireworks... ...fifty thousand dollars... ...on fireworks. Medinah Country Club spends half of that and it's shows go on for half an hour and are awesome. Apparently this guy sets off fireworks for almost two and half hours straight. I can't wait to see that. We are going to go into town Tuesday afternoon and pick up fireworks when they go on sale cause no one bought them. This guy named Brian, who is a friend of the family, knows exactly when and where to buy them really really cheap. so that will be fun and will present me with yet another opportunity to attempt to kill myself :P. I don't seem to be getting enough of those. But seriously folks. We are prolly going to take the boat out to the middle of the lake to watch the fireworks, that will provide for a really cool view. Remember people, more fun than you've ever had, I want to get back and you will all be worn out and groggy from having so much fun.

July 03, 2000

Today has been the most boring day I have had in a long time. It's about 50 degrees out side and it keeps raining on and off. A boat went by the dock and threw a huge wave up on it and one of the old cables that was holding it in place came undone and the dock swung around and pushed both the waverunners into the shore which was not cool. I was asleep upstairs and my mom comes up and says, "your dad and archy need your help down by the dock, and put your suit on you're going swimming." So I put my suit on and I jog down to the dock. And it looks like the site of a hurricane disaster. The boats are both in the rocks and the dock was up at an angle. So I was elected to hop in the water and drag the boats off the rocks and back out into the lake. Did I mention it was around 50 degrees outside with wind and rain? Can you boys and girls say hypothermia? Next step is getting the clamps that were on the cable back so that they can use it with a new cable. These of course, have found there way to the bottom of the lake. So naturally Ryan is to go dive down (about 20 ft or so) to get these damn things out from under the rocks they fell under, and I could barely see cause it was so damn dark outside, but I found them and brought them back up to the top. So now I have to hop on one of the boats, throw a rope to the dock and pull it away from the shore so that My dad and Archy could fasten it with another cable. I get the dock pulled out and leave it in idle to hold the dock in place and sit and wait. And I wait. And I waited some more. They sat there for ten minutes dicking with the damn cable clamps in their jeans, shoes, and sweatshirts, while I sat in a bathingsuit and sandles dripping wet while the wind picked up. Finally it started raining again so that at least hurried them up. And as soon as they got the cable attached they went back up the trail to the house and said, "we don't want to get all wet cause it's starting to rain, so you tie up the waverunners before you come back up." I wanted to just throw them in the lake, I swear. Most of the rest of today I have spent watching the Wimbledon tournament, staying indoors and tryin to regain my core temperature. Pete Sampres has the funniest expression on his face all the time. kind of a "I'm going to win anyway, all these matches are a waste of my time, I'd rather be spending time with my girlfriend who is unbelievably hot." meanwhile Agassi just kinda does what he does and barely wins each set, but seems to win almost every set. Tennis is just kinda fun to watch cause it is one sport where there are virtually no bad calls. Seeing as there are 15,000,000 judges at every match, plus the cyclops laser-thingy that beeps when a ball faults past the service line, there isn't really any room for bad calls, which makes it more fun to watch. I wrote another poem yesterday as I tried to fall asleep:

Who do you think you are?
to make matters worse,
and on top of all that,
what is the meaning of this?
what do you think you are doing?
you must have some nerve
is there something wrong with you?
watch your language around here
you can't say things like that
what are you trying to pull?
you wanna get yourself killed?
be more careful
pay more attention
take a special note of this
write this part down
the clock is ticking
act fast
call now to order
quantities limited
get yours now
don't be left without one
it's a must have
you gotta see this
you won't believe it
I saw the most amazing thing
you should have seen it
I wish you'd been there
you'd have laughed so hard
I know I did
but it's an inside joke
you probably wouldn't understand
maybe someday I'll tell you
I'll get to it later
not right now
I am busy
I have other things to do
what makes you so important?
who do you think you are?
-RS

to show you how bored I was today, I cleaned out this keyboard. Yes, that's right, I took out all the keys and cleaned them all with a damp cloth one by one. All 104 of them. It took about half an hour but at least it was not just doing nothing for a half an hour. And now I can actually type again without the right side of the keyboard sticking most of the keys every two words. Maybe later this evening we'll get some sun out here and I can get out onto the lake once again. Tomorrow is the 4th and we will get to see the fun fireworks display, and we may see a smaller display tonight as well... Joy! Speaking of Joy, I saw an old episode of Ren and Stimpy today. Oh - my - god. Did I watch that same stuff as children? no wonder I'm so fucked up in the head now. That is the most rediculous and trippy cartoon I have ever seen. That guy must have been on no less than 5 types of hard drugs to create something like that. I don't know about all of you, but I can't wait for the X-games, starting August 19th 2000. I saw a try-out competition for them today and I almost forgot how much fun they are to watch. Just got done reading the last few entries Joel has made to his site, and I must say, the entry about Amy made me laugh harder than I have laughed in a good long time. And yes Joel, the tounging comment I think was a sexual reference :P. The only thing I will say about us being losers is well... ...I say you are only as much of a loser as you feel like. I take pride in the fact that I have more than enough spare time for five people and (except when I am out of town) second only to you as the beggest internet junky of the group. But I know that this is only going to last through this summer. I have no intention spending most of my waking days in front of a computer when I am in college. I'll keep up my work on my website, as I'm sure you will, but I plan to get out a lot more. This summer is just kinda a time where I am trying to do what I feel like doing, and in most cases, that is whatever takes the least amount of energy. (who is a bigger dork, the one that plays couter-strike, or the one that has nothing better to do at 2 in the morning but watch him? chew on that.) That's enough out of me, I am going to go grab some pizza now, so I will leave you here. Hopefully having more fun than ever, no, wait. I didn't have much fun today so you aren't allowed to either by default.

July 04, 2000

You have not, I repeat you have not heard an explosion until you have heard an acetylene bomb in a mountain vally over a lake. Ahem, this is what Indepndence Day is all about. You take a weather balloon that inflates to about 6 feet in radius, you get an acetylene tank and you inflate the weather balloon to full size (being sure to secure the wether balloon to the ground) you then attach a fuse to the bottom of the balloon and light it and let it loose. The balloon will rise to about 300 feet or so at which point it will explode... ...I don't believe there are words powerful enough in the english language to describe the volume of the ensueing airborne conflagration. It is actually louder than thunder from lighting that hit very very close to you. Louder than a sonic boom (I have heard those too) and the sound just rolls back and forth through the valley for about 30 seconds afterwords. Wow is all I have to say. Well, the "$50,000" thing was evidently a rumor, it's really a shame I had high hopes. The show that Brian and I put on was longer and better, and we only spent about 350 bucks on it. We had over 200 artillery shells, and about 50 of them were double shells that had two fireworks in them. We only had about 5 surprises the whole time, and one of those did a number on my right thumb, no lasting damage but the skin looks a little scarred and it is really sensative right now. Two of the surprises were just fireworks that went off low, one of the fireworks Brian lit in his hand (not a big deal because they had foot long fuses) but he couldn't get the thing into one of the mortar tubes and ended up throwing it in the lake and it blew up in the lake and got a bunch of the kids on the dock all wet. The other two incidents were not quite as pleasent. We started out with 8 mortar tubes and ended with 6. they were made out of quarter inch thick cardboard and they held up for the most part, but two of the shells got the better of them. The first time, I saw a piece of the shell fly out of the tube and it made a hollow noise when it went off. I just yelled, "get the fuck down!" to Brain and he jumped out of the way and the whole mortar tube blew up. I was laying against the side of the hill and i had my hands over my head and a piece of one of the fireworks hit my right hand and burned my thumb and to a much lesser extent the back of my neck where my thumb was. That was an adrenaline rush if I've ever had one. The next one was probably because Brain had one or two too many to drink and he put the shell in the tube upside-down. The tube first shot a ball of sparks which was followed by me yelling, "oh shit not again!" this time I got behind a somewhat nearby tree and the tube blew up and set some of the brush that was around us on fire, but we had an extinguisher so it was cool. Other than that we had a cool show we ended off with a grand finaly that had 8 fountains shooting sparks up, two batteries of 100 little bottle rocket type things and we fired a dozen shells out of the 6 tubes that was really cool looking -and- nobody got hurt. So it was all good. I still don't know what was up with the allegid 50K worth of fireworks we were supposed to see. Sigh, stupid rumors. So other than that we had some fun around here, we had a bunch of people over and we had enough food to feed 4 times as many people as were here (you know those types of hosts) (note: I just now removed the part of the shift key that was sticking so now it doesn't stick anymore, however only one side of it pops back up now, sucks to be the other side, I don't really care now it works) Did I mention how great the stars look from up here? There is almost no light polution to ruin the view and you can see damn near every star in the sky. Absolutely beautiful. The great number of bugs that are out late kinda take away from it though as you get eaten alive if you are out to close to the lake late at night. Well. Happy Independence Day to everyone, and a goodnight to you all as well.

July 05, 2000

Well, well, well, Sampres finally has to put some effort into his tennis game to win a match today. He won it in four sets as opposed to his usual three. He doesn't practice, he never warms up before his matches, and he has a left shin injury... ...and he still kicks everyone's ass, and he does it all with that funny little sly grin on his face the whole time, it's laughable I tell ya. Meanwhile Aggasi killed the guy he was playing that round (not even going to try to spell that guys name) in three straight sets. You know, Sampres is the number one server in the game, and Agassi is the number one serve returner in the game. I would love to see those two go head to head for the championship, it would be a great match. I rode the waverunners again today for a while and did some cool stunts, but it is still a bit cold out here to spend too much time out on the lake, I think if we were out here in August we would be fairing a bit better, besides, then I could have had a couple friends come along too maybe. Oh well, conflicting schedules screws stuff up as usual. My dad went home today because he has a bunch of stuff he really needs to do at work and couldn't really take any more time. As I have probably mentioned before I come back on the 10th and my plane will get into Chicago sometime around 7 or 8 at night... ...so wait for me on Monday before you all go run off and do something :). Then again, you will probably all be somewhere watching RAW anyway, so it shouldn't be too hard to find you guys. The Kellhounds should be having their first game as I type this and they get my best of luck to them. We all had dinner at Appleby's and the music that they played in there reminded me a lot of WKQX Chicago music, just a random thought I suppose. Today has been generally uneventful otherwise, not really all that much going on, but I wasn't bored at all, so that's okay. Oh, and I did find out that Sue (woman of the house here) is a really horrible driver. She has her foot on either the gas or the brake, never neither. She can't seem to hold one speed very well, and I can tell why Archy doesn't want her driving the RV anywhere. Tomorrow I am to help Brian install a dock somewhere on the lake, and will even pick up a couple of bucks doing it too, not a bad deal, and it is an experience. Lord knows we have had one hell of a time anchoring the one we got here well enough so that we don't end up bashing up the waverunners or the boat. Now for some reason I'm tired again, I don't get it, I slept last night, why must I sleep every damn night to keep from getting tired? It's such a load of crap, I'll tell you that right now.

July 06, 2000

I come to you once again from the room of humming flourescent lighting and a crappy computer to bring you yet another joy filled update. speaking of crappy computers this is the second time I am writting this entry cause it crashed about 5 minutes ago. grrr. Today is rained... ...all damn day... ...in buckets. But around 2 in the afternoon I decided that I had watched enough tennis for three lifetimes and needed to get mysel out of the house. So I went out waverunning. Sure there was insane windspeeds causing obnoxious and a bit dangerous waves, along with nearly freezing glacial rain, but damn it I had the whole lake to myself. I was out there for almost a whole hour before I started to get cold. The lake was actaully warm and acouple times I just jumped in the water and floated there for a while cause it was so nice. I actually flipped my waverunner nose-over for the first time today. Usually it jsut rolls or anything but this time I did something jsut stupid enough to pull it off. I was doing a routine tail stall (which is where you make the waverunner stand on end and sit there at full throttle) when a huge gust of wind threw a wave at me and knocked me on my ass ad flipped the waverunner over. I guess that's what I get for showing off :). I wrote some more crappy poetry that I will inject in here a little at a time so that you don't go into shock.

Last night I fell asleep to rain
This morning I woke to rain
all night it fell without rest
all night it drained from the sky

changes take in clouds to make it rain
different temperatures mix up high
condensatoin forms and shakes loose in droplets
rain knows no time of day

changes take in people to make them cry
various emotions can collide
now and then it errupts in little droplets
tears don't care how tired you are

last night I cried myself to sleep
this morning I awoke, crying
all night I sobbed without rest
all night tears drained from my eye
-RS

well, the second half didn't happen, but that's what it made me think of. There are people who like rain, and there are people who don't like rain. Rain is both comforting and depressing, and it is both for a lot of the same reasons. It is all around, it can be very strong, it can be very gentle, it hits everyone. You can say, well rain makes us thankful we have a home, or whatever other trite thing you want, but I think rain is a very cool thing (very cold today :P) How would like to have to play your sibling in the Wimbledon Semi-Finals? Well ask Serena and Venus Williams how they liked it today and I'll bet you they'll say not much at all. Venus Williams won and I never really doubted that she would, but it still has to be tough to knock you sister out of the Wimbledon running. The insane quantity of hummingbirds and trees made me write this next poem.

Time is a function of a being's metabolism
the faster your heart beats
the faster your muscles work
the slower time goes by at that instant

take a hummingbird
it's heart beats incredibly fast
it consumes mass quantities of food
it can dart effortlessly around the sky
but the hummingbird doesn't live very long

take an oak tree
it has no heart to beat fast
it consumes relatively little food
it can't move save with the wind
but the oak tree lives on for centuries

life is a constant unit of time between species
but it is not measured in hours, minutes, or seconds
it is measured in events, actions, and choices
anyone can be immortal, or stillborn
-RS

that was me thinking on paper :). i helped put in a dock today as I figured I would, it didn't take too long and it was something else to do. it was a bit cold out to be doing it but like I said, I was in the water most of the time so it was pretty nice. I still haven't gotten paid yet :(. But Brian should be aroud tomorrow and i can settle up with him then. Not that I even really care but he said he'd give me something and I at least want the chance to turn it down :). I got to talk to just about everyone back at home today as they all came online at one point or another (or were at someone's house together and were online) Apparently I am missed and that is all anyone wants to ever be isn't it? isn't our grand goal in life to have fun, and our grand goal in death to be remembered? I think someone famous once said that, if not, now I said it, and it is thus very important now :P. But anyway, hey, I get three more days where I don't have to put up with any of you and I want to enjoy them :). I joke, I think this vacation has served it's purpose and is at a good time to close, but with that I will see you all Monday. Oh, and Hans, I have something funny you can add to a little collection you have going.

July 07, 2000

If you convince someone to kill themself, and they do, is that second degree suicide? Well today was interesting. I seem to be very tired lately even though I've been getting a ton of sleep. I don't quite get it. My mom suggested it might be because I am probably getting taller again, and that might be using up all my energy. My, more likely, theory is that I am a lazy ass. I don't know, you be the judge, I don't care enough. Well, today I had a watergun fight with Brian. The difference between it and most fights was that we were using 350 pound, 140 hp waterguns. We were out on the lake for almost two hours straight trying to knock eachother off our waverunners with the jet blast of our own. I hit him directly about 4 times and he hit me twice (this is probably a lot like getting shot with a firehose. It has a similar volume of water, but it is moving a lot faster than a firehose) and yet neither of us fell off. He came damn close one time though :). Tomorrow we are going to 'borrow' a ferry from where he used to work and go cruising aroud flathead lake (the largest or second largest freshwater lake after the great lakes, I can't remember which) but that will be fun. Sigh, alas, Sampres will not play Agassi in the finals at Wimbledon. Agassi lost in the 5th set to Rafter who will go onto the championship match. Sampres beat Volchkov (spelling?) in straight sets as expected and will go on to play Rafter. Back on the homefront, it looks as though people are all getting back together as friends... ...with the exception of Marci who is voulentarily removing herself from our presence. Otherwise, from what I have heard, lines of communication have been re-established and repairs are being conducted (and in some cases are just about done) on various friendships. I'm glad we all seem to be getting along, there are only about 40 days or so that we will have to put up with one another (except me I have to live with hans for a whole 'nother year at least :) j/k, more like he has to put up with me) And there is no reason why we all shouldn't have fun our summer between highschool and college. This is supposed to be a really really fun time (or so I am reminded by my sister) and I think we should make the best of it. Now I am probably just repeating myself so I will shut up. One thing that I heard today that I laughed at: "Here we are, in the year 2000. And there are no flying cars. Where are all the flying cars? I was promised flying cars! Yet there are no flying cars." that was from an unrelated IBM comercial for lotus works or something like that. I otherwise liked their commercials. But I will say one thing about their new all-in-one desktop... ...ahem... ...LCD = POS. I don't care how "active" the display is. If it is LCD it has the refresh rate of a lexmark Z11 inkjet printer (e.g. measured in frames per minute.) Okay so I'm still a dork even if I try to act cool on a waverunner all day, I still find it interesting to talk about computer technology, I really apoligize to all of you who have put up with all the computer drivel for the last 8 months :P.

July 08, 2000

Have traffic tickets ever been taken to the supreme court? If not, why? Today was a long day. We drove a long way, and I drove some of it too. We didn't end up going to the flathead lake as we thought we were going to origninally going to. Rather, we went out to glacier national park and drove around and visited most of the various lakes that reside within it. We still 'borrowed' one of the boating company that Brain worked for's boats and took it out for a little cruise. It wasn't real fast so there wasn't much excitement involved and we returned it. We drove quite a number of miles today and we had dinner at West Glacier (get out a map of Montana if you really care where it is) and thet had some of the best Mexican food that I have had in a while. Course, it's some of the only mexican food besides Taco Bell that I have had in a while so I guess it isn't saying much is it? Oh, and Hans, we beat the record for the fastest Ford explorer when you guys were driving out to Cali last year. Brian hit 117 baby. Same way you did it, downhill in nuetral from full throttle. Only where we were the speed limit was 95 so it wouldn't have been too bad if he had gotten pulled over. It really wouldn't have been all that good either though. Cause back in Illinois it is assumed that everyone drives 5-10 mph of over the limit, it is a damn rare occasion that anyone get pulled over in that area. In Montana the speed limits are a lot higher, but if you are speeding the least bit you get a ticket. Which is a system that makes a lot more sense though. Why have speed limits that you know everyone is going to break? Why not post more realistic speed limits and then enforce them better? Sigh, will we ever know the answers to these questions? probably not. They came out to do some work on the new waverunner today but it has a couple things they will need to fix once we get it out of the water. There are two problems with it; It has a tendency to die if you hold it at low speeds (around 2500 rpms) for too long, and the speedometer doesn't work properly and smoetimes not at all. While for all practical purposes knowing your speed on a personal watercraft is a luxury, but it is a feature on the damn thing and it should work. (and it's fun to brag about just how fast your boat can go :P) They are going to wait until I take off to work on those when they can pull the boats out of the water without interupting my playtime :P. Today is the first day since the Wimbledon tournament started that I have not watched tennis, I am so proud of me. Take it easy everyone, I'm going to check my mail and go to sleep.

July 09, 2000

If someone steals a car, and then the car is stolen again from them, can the second theft really be called a theft? Well, for the few of you out there who had been talking to me at some point today I apoligize if I apparently just left. You see, my internet connection has had all the stibility of the spice girls' singing careers today and there ain't much I can do about it. I have come to a conclusion, I am not using a computer right now... ...nope... ...I am using what was once a cold war weapon that has been jerry-rigged to appear as though it is running Windows 95. Today Sampres won the championship match against Rafter and has won his 7th Wimbledon title. He has a total of 13 indiviual grad-slam titles and now holds the record for that. And in his footsteps, the Americans are cleaning up at Wimbledon so far having won all the championships that have been played up to this point including Men's singles, Woman's singles, Mixed doubles, and Women's doubles, and our Men's doubles team is in the finals. Very not bad from the US I must say. If you never read anything else on Lowtax's Something Awful site, read his Guide to Air Travel I just read this for the first time today and I never laughed so hard in my life... ...no, wait, I have laughed harder than that... ...on several occasions... ...but i did laugh pretty hard, so read it and you will too. Tonight a bunch of people went out to IHOP for dinner tonight, not sure who all went (as I'm not sure even Christine knew until the last minute and she was the one orginizing it :P) but I hope they all had fun. There was a conflict in scheduling that arose as there was a kellhounds game tonight and a lot of the members were going to be going to dinner at the same time. A couple members had a conflict about what they wanted to happen, and I sent an e-mail out to the team letting them know that I thought what I was seeing resembled the exact same kind of crap that led to bickering in the MWF. I have recieved a few differnet responses ranging from "stay out of their conflict you are over-reacting", to, "eh." Well I really want everyone to have fun and sending sarcastic and or mildly threatening e-mails to one another is not the best way to establish team pride, sorry, it just isn't. I'd like to just kinda cut it out before it does become something that we should have to worry about that's all, I apologize if it was taken as more than that. Last night someone broke into Archy's liquor store (it's not his store but he owns the building and leases the space to the store owner) so that was an interesting little side trip that he had to take. Apparently the person was an adult male between the ages of 18 and 22, and I think they may have caught him already according to Archy. Supposedly I guy saw the car that got away and they found where the car was and were monitoring it for activity where they found it. So that will apparently turn out okay. otherwise today has been rainy and shitty, and marks my last full day here. In less than 24 hours I will be back home, in my own home, with an actual computer... ...oh right and with my friends :P. take it easy.

July 10, 2000

Three cheers for the welcoming comittee! Hip Hip - Horray! Hip Hip - Horray! Hip hip - Horray! I am not writing an entry now cause I'm too busy doing work on the page, don't wait up, I'm not gonna put it up till tomorrow, prolly around noon. Check back then. Until then, here are two poems I wrote on the plane:

Why do clouds not move up and down
they drift everywhere they wish in the sky
and yet their altitude is locked in place
Is it possible they seek nothing more

Do the clouds feel bound in their location
do they have asperations of going higher
can cumulous be jealous of sirrus or stratus
or is it simply that clouds know their place

Clouds can only see what lies beneath them
they can only view what they are above
but as they drift through the entire sky
they all eventually see the same thing

Is it foolish for clouds to seek ascent
should they accept their fate at their height
or should they precipitate some of their density
and attempt to reach for space
-RS

the river runs through it
it is cut away by the torrents
torrents that ran for centuries
centuries beings watched the land
land being carried away by the rivers
rivers that lead to forever
rivers
forever the beings wonder
wonder if they will ever see the land again
-RS

July 11, 2000

Okay right, about all that work that was going to get done to the webpage... ...cough. I, um, made the song lyrics in the entries a minty green color and seperated them a little bit :P... ...no? no good? not enough? okay well I made the mildly amusing intro... ...okay so I didn't really finish jackshit that I was working on, I just kinda started a bunch of stuff. But I will tomorrow, I'm actually kinda tired now as I've been running around all day. Today I got up, finished getting the rest of the rather large list of songs that popped into my head in Montana and I wrote down. I went over to Joel's house and we got some lunch, Bill stopped by and said hi. We actually watched his hard drive defrag we were that out of it. I sometimes wonder about my mental state when I remind myself that I actually did that. After I left Joel's I came and had dinner and then talked to Hans abour nothing for a little while. Oh while I'm on that, Hans has got his web site back up again. He doesn't have all the old entries, but I think he may intend to make this one a keeper. Oh, also, I got my server case today, and I have made a decision. I am going to use that case as my computer and I am going to use what is now my computer as the server. That will require less work anyway. After I talked to Hans I stopped by Bsq and said hi to Katie. I gave her a kinda funny gift. I made a two disc compilation of all the songs that I have thus far put in my journal. (That was the surprise I was making way back when, before I left if anyone was still counting) Katie then went to take a look at Jason's new car. He has a brand new Pontiac Sunfire. I haven't seen it but I have seen them before and well, damn you are lucky Jay :P. But white...? anyway. Christine, Katie, and I went to IHOP to grab a bite and talk about nothing some more, which was fun. I determined that trying to sing fast Eminem Lyrics while waling a straight line can prove hazardous to my health as I almost tripped over nothing and fell on my ass on the way into the restaurant. Afterwords Katie and I hung out and watched The Mask. I haven't seen that movie in forever and I really like it so I fgured what the hell why not I got the disc. Best part of the movie is when the dog gets the mask, I love that dog he is so cool (dog from frasier)... ... ...Ryan = in need of sleep.

July 14, 2000

Right now I am writing a journal entry because I feel like I have to. I just haven't done it in a while so I feel obligated now. I have kinda felt like crap the last few days, headaches, general tiredness, nothing really specific, just the general crap feeling. I can't remember everthing that has happened since the last entry cause I was kinda out of it, but I'll do my best. Yesterday I was going to go see a movie with Hans, Joel, and Katie after Joel and I gave her a hand moving a couple things. Hans mesteriously dissapeared, and Katie didn't feel well, so it was just Joel and I, which is starting to be not a bit uncommon it seems, and we rented falling down and watched that at Joel's, we saw Hans again briefly and invited him but he didn't want to see it. After the movie was over Joel and I saw a really funny show on MTV called F* ups. which is essentially "America's funniest Videos of Famus People That Are On MTV a lot" but it was kinda funny none the less. A couple days ago as a joke I wrote a bunch of improvements into Hans's website without asking him, basically just fixed a couple of things that weren't right and added some css to it. Today was a wash of shit that wasn't cool. I cleaned out my turtle tank, that needed doing and I just got it out of they way. And then comes the fun part, the movie. We saw X-men, good movie, but moving along- Sean, Jason, Rosie, Joe, Hans, Milzy, and I met at Milzy's house to see the movie. Jay was to pick up Katie, and Sean and Joe were to pick up Toby. gasp! what about Joel. From what I originally heard, Joel was seeing it with Marci and Gim, and maybe someone else. Joel calls Milzy's house, apparently they have orcestrated some exuberant plan to ditch Joel for whatever reason. So I just kinda sit there and think about it for a minute, and then Jay leaves and I say this, "What, do you all hate Joel so much that you are willing to do something as petty as ditch him?" the first response, as I recall, was that I shold have asked that when Jay was there. To which I replied, "I don't think Jay would handle that question maturely" and he wouldn't. You know what my thought on whomever said that saying that is? It sounded a whole hell of a lot like a, "why don't you say that to the bosses face" kinda statement that makes me wonder just how "nuetral" everyone in the room was, toward both Joel, and me. So I never felt right about ditching Joel tonight (yes I admit I am just as guilty as the rest of you are seeing as I should have done more than jsut speak up) and I apoligize to Joel for not being there for him. As for later that night, after the movie was out Joel left, and Hans and I got into my car. We decided to go back and mack sure everyone had a ride home. So I drive over towards the theater and Hans spots them. I ask if anyone needs a ride home. At first they either ignored me or didn't hear me. So I ask again and Rosie comes over to my window and unzips his pants. So I drove off and gave them all the finger. I admit I thought it was funny. Then Rosie comes online tonight and tries to honestly tell me that he was trying to get into my car and was pissed at me for driving off. Well everyone, I hope you are all happy, is this what you wanted can you al rejoice that you have made Joel lose all hope of having you as "friends" (or whatever the hell that means to all of you) I think Hans said it best, "I'm cool with Joel you know, one on one, but I'm not going to stand up for him in front of the group." What the fuck does that mean!?!? that means you are going to tolerate him. That's what that means. Who the fuck wants to be tolerated?!?! I know I sure as hell don't. Which is why until someone comes up with a good reason for me to think otherwise, fuck everybody. Fuck each and everyone of you "friends" out there who I don't know are doing any more than simply tolerating me. To hell with the damn "friends" page, who the hell wants to read my opinions about them if my opinions that I expressed tonight don't mean jack shit. I love Christine's comment too, "why can't you all just let it go?" I don't know Christine, that's a damn good point, and I just realized there is no fucking awnser. There is no fucking awnser as to why anyone does anything, and I have determined that until I get into a group of people that can fucking understand this, I just assume not be in one. One of the only people that for all practical puposes has done nothing more to me than I have convinced myself she has, is Marci. And god forbid the group let me give her the time of day, while Hans goes over to her house every five fucking minutes. I'm sick of this, and I really, really don't get sick of things easily, so I hope that says something to you people. I am really sorry to see many of my "friendships" end in a fashion like this, but this is becoming the pot and the fucking kettle. So you can all sit and be "nuetral" all the god damn day, but rest assured now this involves fucking everyone. Hell, I went through Freshman and Sophomore year without any friends, mostly just people I hung out with at school. Why the fuck would anyone think a month and a half is going to be difficult. And now I'm fucking swearing, and it fucking pisses me off.

"Your opinion is the only one that seems to matter anymore to me Ryan, and I hate to have it be bad" -Marci

July 16, 2000

Well... I've recieved a few responses to my last entry, some good, some bad, so I have my last thing to say about it. Not the last thing, but my last thing. Whenever you have a perception of what someone or something is, it will appear as though everything that happens will fulfill that opinion. This can work for just about anything. What makes the opinion in the first place is anyone's guess. This is how magicians often make their tricks work, they make you believe one thing is happening hen in fact they do another. The human mind works this way and it prevents us from seeing what actually happens until it's too late, the birds are already flying over the audience as glitter falls from the sky. I was told that I have convinced myself that I am right all the time, and it is preventing me from seeing the truth. Maybe I have. Maybe I spend too much time thinking about how I can do the right thing and I'm not just being myself. Maybe too much thinking can be a bad thing. Maybe I need to listen to my gut when I make decisions instead of putting too much effort into things, this seems to only get me in trouble now. Well, as for the last entry I'm sorry for those of you it hurt (if any) and hey, don't worry too much about t anyway, cause after all, I could be wrong.

July 17, 2000

'Nowadays everybody wanna talk like they got somethin' to say, but nothing comes out when they move their lips, just a bunch of jibberish. And mutherfuckers act like they forgot about Dre. So what do you say to somebody you hate? (what?) Or anyone trying to bring trouble your way? Wanna resolve thins in a bloodier way? (yeah) Just study a tape of NWA. One day I was walkin' by, with a walkman on. When I cought a guy give me an awkward eye. (what you lookin' at?) Stangled him up in the parking lot, with his parka knot. I don't give a fuck if it's dark or not. I'm harder than me tryin' to park a dodge, when I'm drunk as fuck, right next to a humoungous truck, in a two-car garage. Hoppin' out with two broken legs tryin' to walk it off. Fuck you too bitch, call the cops. (bark bark bark) I'm gonna kill you and those loud ass muthafuckin' barking dogs. And when the cops came too me and Dre stood next to a burnt down house, with a can full of gas and a hand full of matches, they still won't find out. (right here) So from here on out it's the chronic 2, startin' today, and tomorrow's the new. And I'm still loco enough to choke you to death with a Charlston Chew (owww!) Slim Shady, hotter than a set of twin babies, in a Mercedes Benz with the windows up when the temp goes up to the mid 80's. Callen men ladies. Sorry dock but I been crazy. There's no way that you can save me. It's okay, go with him Hailey (da da?)'

This, I think, is one of the coolest Eminem rants there is. Not altogeher too impressive by itself, but the fact that he says all that in under a minute is just whacky. And, oh, ahem, yeah, uh joel... ....eat my ass

July 18, 2000

So this guy comes up to me in the street and he says to me- he says, "Ryan... ...why don't you tell the world what you think about America preforming missle defense tests again?" to which I reply, "shut up." and then I shot him.

But the man did have a point, and as he lay there bleeding on the sidewalk, I said, "thank you"... ...and then I shot him again. But you know what what? I'm sick of all this anti-missle-missle bullshit, I really am, you know why. I'd like to see a missle defense system that can defend against the most effective weapon delivery system known to man. That's right, why spend millions of dollers developing ICBM technology when you can spend $59.95 and listen to the radio as you drive the fucking bomb right up to 1600 Pensylvania Ave. Seriously people. No one is going to start a missle war with the US, not even insane people are that crazy. I am going to bet the next nuclear bomb that goes off will be from the back of a god damn truck. It's true, it's true.

Oh, and by the way, Diet Pepsi licks my nuts. Zero calories huh? great, I'd rather drink water. Water has zero calories and also has the benefit of not tasting like year-old cat urine. My god, why does anyone subject themselves to that?

Been playing a lot of CS lately, and doing most of it with the cleaver name that Gim came up with, "the jewish people". I tell you, it got quite a few interesting responses, but most not nearly interesting enough for me to write them here.

There was this one guy I ran into whose name was {SqU@D}Sc@t (or something like that, the guy was using f4g0t h4x0r sp33k) who really truly sucks. I was on a hostage rescue map and I was a terroist, and I was camping (sitting in one place and waiting for someone to come to me) right by the hostages. And round after round I would kill scat. and every damn time he'd be like, "y0u a$$#0|3 camper, |'m gonna get my boy to ban j00!" to which I reply, "shut up" and then I shot him. The funniest thing that he said was, "don't you get tired of just sitting in one place doing nothing", to which I reply, "Don't you get tired of me killing you every round? then you are dead and you sit around and do nothing." and then I would procede to call him a camping faggot if he so much as stopped walking for more than 3 seconds. (sometimes even 2) and a couple of the times when I killed him people would chant, "go jew!, go jew!" and then he would accuse me of cheating. Sigh, some people.

I stopped by Katie's house this afternoon to drop off a teddy bear that I got when I went to longgrove way back when that I almost forgot about. But I didn't stay long cause she was busy. Other than that I had a pretty uneventful day. The moral of today's story...? don't walk up to me on the street and ask a stupid question.

July 20, 2000

so i�m eighteen. i can vote, i can drink in hong kong, my government can call me up to kill people in foreign lands. happy birthday to me. at school, we celebrate at midnight and it is expected that your friends throw the party. i told mine not to bother, passed it off saying that i wanted to spend some time by myself, that i needed to take a walk. midnight was celebrated sitting on a rock, by the side of a polluted hong kong bay, the black water moving like oil across the stony sand. orange fluorescent lights from the bar nearby glimmered and flickered; its amazing how something as ugly as the taint of chemicals can turn simple water into a quiet birthday present. life has a funny way of throwing its own little parties for those who care to attend. and nature, for all its ruthless violence, will not betray you. it is predictable in its unpredictability. humans have that same unpredictability, but it is on a different level than natural. it is not that we know what we do with our emotional violence; consciousness is not the difference between man and nature. it is something more indefinable, something harder to grasp. i only know that i sat with them to celebrate my birthday and it didn�t last five minutes. one of them left to take his girlfriend home, the other went to sleep. it is not a matter of faults, but a matter of potential moments lost. the sleeping one wanted to take me to dinner...i have already eaten. simple chance, not luck, not fate, just chance. the random occurrence of two events, unconnected, interconnected. irony is the spice of life. hours later, after waking, we went to have a meeting about a film the three of us are in, an alcoholic party meant to teach young hong kong kids that you can be cool without drinking. we are supposed to meet up afterwards to watch a movie for my birthday. they show up...at one am. it is amazing how we can be hurt little things that people do, or don�t do. when we dare to call someone a friend, we give them permission to hurt us, an open entrance to our hearts. step up to the table, take your bets, and hope you come out ahead instead of behind. i�ve come out way, way ahead. i may not have got a birthday party, but i have my memories. i can remember their laughs, their smiles. i can remember singing on the subway and voice boxing on the bus. a birthday is just another day, and after 18 years, its nice to know that there are still things to write about.

-Mr Healer

I've had four people ask me today If I feel 18 today. I tell them, "not anymore than I felt 17 yesterday. Do I somehow feel older because the end of another year I have been alive has rolled around? no. Did anything extra special happen today? no. So why would I feel 18 today. Yesterday Hans was trying to get me to buy a copy of Playboy at midnight (he did it on his birthday at 12:04) To be honest with you I haven't had any really cravings to buy a copy of playboy when I couldn't, I don't really have a sudden need to buy it now that I can. Today was actually very uneventful. I woke up kinda late, and I went on AIM and played some counter-strike. Then Marci came over and gave me a big bag of twizzlers a balloon and a cute card. Then I went back upstairs for a while and then Joel came and gave me a couple of really funny books, "Steve Martin: Pure Drivel" and "The Onion's Finest News Reporting". After that I went out to eat with Lauren, my Grandmother, and my Parents. After that I opened my presents, I got a couple of nice cards with some money, Some T-shirts from my sister, along with a really cute bunny rabbit figurine that is holding a kite. And last but not least a cool Collecter's Edition lego model of a Tie-Interceptor. Very very cool. Then when I was building that, Joel came over for a while to hang out. That was cool until my mom came up here at about 10:30 and told us to break it up cause we were annoying her, whatever the hell that meant. Katie called me right before I went to dinner to tell me not to stop by BSQ cause she was going to some concert or something like that. Christine came online to wish me a happy birthday at 11:45, cutting it a bit close are we? :) just kidding. Well, I'm gonna try to go have some actual fun now that it is 12:00, and my birthday is over, and I can get on with my life.

July 21, 2000

Have you ever been hurt?
Not scraping your knee on the sidewalk,
but rather something that changed your life?
Truley hurt?

Have you ever been sad?
Not wanting to just simply cry,
but wishing the tears could comfort you?
Truely sad?

Have you ever been alone?
Not wanting to be by yourself,
but not knowing who you wanted to be with?
Truely alone?
-RS

Today was interesting, Katie and Hans went to Great America so they were gone all day, when they got back, the three of us got something to eat. After that we did a bunch of random crap that wasn't very memorable. Oh, Katie got me a cute shirt (I have actually seen this before although I like this version of it better) that says "bomb squad, if you see me running, you'd better catch up" I always thought that was funny. Well, I've made some changes to the site, not really as major of changes as you may make them out to be. The name of the site is now officially "Shades of Gray". Don't ask me why, cause I won't tell you. and conciquently, I am slowly but surely removing all the color from this page and replacing it all with various shades of gray (white and black included), now, on to the technical drivil. The entire site had hereby been converted to css. This makes it much easier for me, and it will take less time to load for you. And most of you out there who use IE will not notice a differnce if I hadn't told you. Ahem, as for all you netscape users out there. You can do one of three things. 1)Get a real browser like IE and then enjoy the site. 2)Wait for Netscape 6 to come out and then enjoy the site. or 3)Go fuck yourself, and deal with the fact that as nice as this looks in IE, the entire thing shows up as black on white text with no formatting or gradiants or bars or nothing in Netscape. The best I can determine from both reading and posting on newsgroups about it, is that I am in fact doing nothing wrong, and netscape simply sucks at it's css support. Oh if you have a minute, hop over here and give it a look it's kinda funny

July 22, 2000

Last night after I wrote that entry I stayed up and played counterstrike for a while, and let me tell you... I was on a friggin roll the entire night, just take a look at this. In that I played an entire round of Militia without getting killed once, and winning every round for the Terrorists. And that was just the begining. I had 4 other games after that where I had over 20 kills and less than 5 deaths. Too bad tonight I was just playing like crap. I must just be really really tired. The problem that I'm sure anyone faces at times, (and this doesn't just go for counter-strike), is that sometimes when you are just playing like crap, and you know you normally do better, you can get frustrated. And whenever you get frustrated you simply play worse. Pretty soon, you don't seem to be doing anything right, and you are first to die every round, and you never get any kills. (okay so maybe the dying part only applys to counter-strike). Also today, I got Netscape 6 to see how it's support is for css, to see If I am going to have to make some changes to make it happy, and I'm glad to say it looks like there is some hope for netscape 6 (where there is no hope for netscape 4.x), Here is my site as seen by Netscape 6. As you can see the good 'ol people at Netscape still feel that they are too good for justified text, and decided their browser didn't need it. But enough of that. I went to Rockfest today which was completely awesome. We ended up taking various forms of CTA transportation all over the place to get there but it worked out okay and since we just got all day tickets for the CTA it worked out okay. We didn't get there right at the begining of the concert, but we saw all the bands we wanted to see (with the possible exception of tonic) We saw, Third Eye Blind (they sounded like crap and Stephan Jenkins sounded like he either had a cold or that he was giving the microphone head), Barenaked Ladies (simply awesome in concert, they played all their major fun songs, they also did a few covers and a medoly of covers at the end. There was also one time where they were telling the whole audience that "you too can rock" and then he goes, "each and everyone of you can rock.. ...even this guy here who's flicking me off can rock" and he brought the guy on stage and had him strum the strings on the guitar while he played "Girl, you got me now" That was awesome), Stone Temple Pilots (They were cool but didn't really do anything special, they played my favorite songs, "Flys in the Vasoline", "Interstate Love Song", and "Plush" very cool band but nothing particularly special today.), Kid Rock (argueable the best performance there that night. He had the budwiser wazzup guys come out before him riling up the crowd. Then of course he had various explosions and cool shit, a giant inflatable hand giving the finger on stage, and various scantly clad women in cages doing pole dnaces with one another, what more counld you ask for? Once again, all the favorite songs along with some covers at the end including "American Band" which was really cool), and finally Metallica (they played a whole shitload of awesome songs, and when they played "seek and destroy" I thought the drunk guy in front of us was going to have a heart attack, he had said he always wanted to hear it in concert. Very very cool) So other than that I am just tired and now desperately need sleep.

July 23, 2000

'I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind. I left my body lying somewhere in the sands of time. But I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon. I feel there's nothing I can do. I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon. After all I knew it had to be something to do with you. I really don't mind what happens now and then, as long as you'll be my friend at the end. If I go crazy, then will you still call me superman? If I'm alive and well, will you be there, holding my hand? I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman, my kryptonite. You call me strong. You call me weak. But still your secrets I will keep. You took for granted all the times I never let you down. You stumbled in, you bumped your head, if not for me then you'd be dead. I picked you up and put you back on solid ground. If I go crazy, then will you still call me superman? If I'm alive and well, will you be there, holding my hand? I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman, my kryptonite.;

This is kinda a cool song, but it is very stuck in my head, and it is getting annoying.

July 24, 2000

Maybe I should drop you at your door. Or leave tonight and vanish up the shore. Anywhere but here. It's three o'clock we're driving in your car, You're screaming out the window at the stars, "Please don't drive me home!" Blame us because we are who we are. Hate us because you'll never get that far. And who'd suppose you would go? I've already learned enough to know. Tell me all the places we could go. And count the headlights passing on the road, A long, long time ago. Here we are. Foreign to their world. Straight and composed. Your sermons I can do without. And I finally found. That everybody loves to love you When you're far away. Could it be we've done something wrong We'd make it home to your place before dawn "Please, don't take me home." "Please, don't take me home."

Damn you Marci, Damn you to hell. The first pound of twizzlers is free, but the price gets jacked up. I'm a wreck, I've been eating these damn things all day, somebody please help me for the love of god... ...okay, so how have you all been doing. Hmm, I don't know Joel, I camp quite a bit and I can't read, so your dictionary theory is gonna have to go. Today was interesting, some guy in a bee suit came to our house today and sprayed a hornet's nest that I never knew about. The thing is the size of a friggin' basketball. creative little fuckers built it in one of the basement window's wells. The guy just said we were lucky to have caught it now, or they'd have filled the entire well with nest, oh I'm sure that would have been real fun. I don't know what to say to this I really don't. I honestly have no idea what kind of drugs those people are on, but all I know is that I want in. Damn it, why do you have to have a website that has weird fucked-up shit on it to get any hits, I guess everyone who uses the internet is a sick twisted fuck. Except me, of course, I am just sick and twisted. oh, and by the way, RzE = f4g0t l4m3r, and he sucks at counter-strike and he is a butthead. Joel was playing this guy that runs CS nation, and although Joel was not doing all that well in the server, RzE was doing worse, so natuarally we made fun of him a lot. And a bunch of guys at www.kellhounds.com want to join our cs clan, as it actually exsists and theirs kinda got put on permanent hold. I don't really have a say in it so much, but he did say he liked my website design, and I'm a sucker for complements, so he's got my vote if I get one :P. The parts of my new computer are showing up slowly but surely, and today the new video card came. It's a Creative Annihilator 2. I can play counter-strike at 1024x768 at 70+ fps now, yay!, and I don't even have my new proc yet :). ugh, I think I need some sleep, I been up all damn day.

Searching, constanly searching.
For what you are not sure.
For whom you cannot tell.
How long you do not know.

This search has gone on for some time.
You have put many hours to it.
You have shed many a tear.
You have endured many a trial.

But suddenly hope begins to fade;
where has motivation gone?
Why will it not return?
As you fear your search is over...
-RS

July 26, 2000

Wow, I have never had that much worry just suddenly hit me like it did this morning. When I got a call from joel this morning at like 10:00 saying he needed me to pick him up, my shoulders tightened and my throat sank, something was wrong. The reason I was so worried is because I feared that any conflict would not be resolved in time to allow Joel to go to school okay. But luckily it would seem, they just needed a day to cool down and I think Joel and his Dad are going to be okay. As a result though, I got almost no sleep last night. You see, just last night Joel and speant some time with sound forge, acid music, and a microphone, and came up with some rap tunes about counterstrike, an dmore specifically RzE, check out the songs here if you haven't already. I watched fight club for the first time since I got it on DVD about a month and a half ago. Then I went over to Mrs. Miller's house and helped her with her powerpoint presentaion she is going to be giveing as part of her Ph.D. program. I think it the presentaion is coming along nicely, I got her started with a bout a dozen slides, giving her pointers about text positinoing, justification, and little tricks to make powerpoint easier. Which is really funny cause prior to today I have never used powerpoint in my life. It's a pretty cool program but I will say it definately has it's limitations. So today wasn't really all that eventful. I had kinda a misunderstanding with Katie concerning and e-mail thread that I feel better about now. and yesterday we had a lot of fun. We went and ran some errands, we bought some soft pretzles, and we even each got a new bettas (pronounced bet-uh :P) for college next year. Other than that not too much going on. You may have noticed but I have put the name of everyone on the friends page, on the friends page, and it is now considered done. I am not going to write a description of everyone again, as it will only change and then it will require more owrk. When I sat down and did the names I was originally going to just do the whole description but then when I got the file open, and looked at it, I remembered just ow much work was there and why I hadn't done it up to that point. And besides, with the color pics and everything, the damn thing'd be huge. So that's out. Oh, one last thing, I did name all my poems that I have here, as you can see the snazzy name in the background of each of the poems (all you netscape users don't see this, you will just see the title of the poem randomly in the middle of the body of the poem... ...get IE5 or NN6, that's all I have to say to you people) goodnight, I have gotten 2 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours.

July 28, 2000

"God gave me a tail to smack away the flies, but I would rather have no tail, and no flies"
-Eeyore

You know what I am starting to realize, although this site may have pretty code, and it looks pretty (shut up joel). The directory structure of this site can cause abdominal distension, vommiting, and in many cases, a coma. For lack of a better word it is... ...non-exsistant. Everything is in one gargantuan directory with only a couple of exceptions. But... ...wait a minute, why would you care, you never look at the directories of this site, nevermind. Well, as I'm sure you've heard (I would say if not then climb out from your cave, but apparently your cave has a computer cause you can read this, and you would have therefore heard the news) Napster = dead. As of midnight tonight it will be no more. Well, Napster Inc's servers will be no more, Napster itself will live on, just less resourcful people won't be able to use it. And unlike some people, I don't plan on mentioning any other alternatives on my site save one. I have a cd-burner and alternative methods of obtaining music, 5 bucks for 15 songs :P. Interestingly, the judge proclaimed that "peer to peer sharing of files is illigal". Read that statement again, this time keeping in mind that yo will not be reading the words copyrighted or even music. That's right, you are, as you read this, breaking the law. the server this is on [206.132.163.167] is sharing these html documents, embedded flash movies, and all supporting .css and .js files. So, officially, the entire internet has been declaired illigal as most have figured it would one day be. Speaking of all things illigal, I now am the proud wrongful owner of a CUMNOCK RD sign. It's amazing what one can do with a moving pad, a hack saw, a couple friends, and nothing good to do with your time. I am already starting to regret having bought a fish on the sole basis that all it does while I sit at my computer is sit there and stare directly at me. It never looks away. EVER. I swear it is plotting to kill me. Oh, and finally it the first pet I have that is a guy. Finally a pet who will be able to understand me. He's not real good with english yet, but I'm working on it. And since I know it's on your mind, this image is what I use as a background. Tomorrow I leave all of you for a week in the Carribean Sea with my family. And, unlike my last vacation, this one will be complete devoid of any and all internet access. So..... ... no updates until I get back. This time I will keep a paper journal going and will type it all up when I get back. Be sure to expect a whole slew of new poetry when I get back, I just know I'll have pleanty to write about while touring the sea. Wish me fun :P. Okay, our game we played yesterday for the kellhounds is described on the kellhounds site along with all the other kellhounds news. I am not going to cross-post, as that would mean I would then also have to start having sex with other men (cross-posting is a very not strait thing to do) In other news, I had my good day in court today concerning my traffic ticket. Well, not so much a day as it was about 5 minutes. When we got there I saw the cop that had written the ticket sitting at the prosocutor's table. but my dad just said, don't worry about it. So he went over and talked to the prosocuting attourney and whatever he said, it worked. When my name was read I just walked up to the stand, and the PA walked over to the judge and said, "uh, yeah, we are going to no-hear this case" the judge just asked how old I was, and then said "okay, you got a speeding ticket, but it's getting thrown out, drive carefully." as I walked out of the court room I took a look at the cop who wrote me the ticket and he just kinda shruged his shoulders and then said something to one of his friends (presumably bitching about people like me who think they own the world, to which I retort... ...think?) Anyway, having connections help, and now I don't have to worry about that. I still think I am a a good driver as I have avoided about 5 would-be collisions that would have been someone elses fault, and even survived pieces of an idiots trailer that have fallen in my way. This is the only time I have honestly ever even driven 15 over (besides on the highway) and I don't really plan to again. But that won't be too much of a difficult task in that I will have nothing to speed with come late August. On a final note I would like to mention that the U of I direct regestration system is retarded. First off, they moved one of my classes randomly without telling me, and then I had a bit of an event upon moving it back, ahem. I selected "exchange on class for another", I typed in the first class -02781- (introduction to ECE at 8 am M-W-F) and the class I wanted -02786- (same only 1pm M-W-F). It then notified me that 02786 was full and that I would not be able to switch to it... ...and then promptly deleted my 02781 class anyway. nbd, I just selected "add class" and typed in 02781... ..."sorry, 02781 is full" well shit, not only would I then not have a required class, but I wouldn't have enough total hours for the semester. So I called the office of registration, and after being transfered 5 times and leaving three messages, I got a hold of a both nice and useful person. that was able to pull a few strings and get me back into my class. Yay! crisis reverted and all is well. Well, that's all the reading I will put you through, until I get back, then you will have a whole weeks worth of entries to read at once (ugh, I know, I'm gonna have to write them, don't look for sympathy). Take it easy everyone, and remember what I always say, have more fun than you have ever had with me here. I don't want to come back on the same conditions I came back to last time :P.

July 29, 2000

And so the typing begins, everything from here until August 6th is being typed in one sitting from my notebook that I had with me on my cruise, there is all kinds of shit in here, so enjoy reading it, cause I need to have a reason to type it all :P.

The flight that I got on to go to Tampa was by far the absolute worst flight I have ever been on, I was cleaver enough to write down all the things that went wrong on the flight, and will list them for you

moved gate from C2 to C31 resulting in an extra 10 minute walk (not normally that bad, but my grandmother is 80)
no one at counter when we got to gate C31
Departure time kept suspiciously changing in 5 or 10 minute intervals on the boards, but still displayed "on time"
person at gate C32 helped some of the people from our flight but only those who cut in line, no one else
it took the woman who finally showed up 5 miuntes to issue one damn boarding pass
flight attendent (air bitch) convinced she had a miricle way to fit more bags into an overhead bin that my dad could
children to my front and rear (contemptuous spawns of satan himself) felt that if they moved their seats back and forth at high speeds it would somehow recline further
After a beating from the front and rear, I decided to put my tray table down, put my pillow on it and go to sleep. I was awaken when the contemptuous spawn of satan himself in front of me leaned his seat as far back as it would go, and then procceded to jump against it, crushing my skull
Air bitch bumped my grandmother's arm spilling orange juice all over her, and the first and only tihng she said was, "That wasn't my fault!"
Three people were assigned seat 16A
7up can had no nutrition information, and it's can label design suggested it was from some time during the cold war.
"chicken" tasted suspiciously like cat, small quantities of fur were quite disturbing
I put all my garbage on my grandmother's tray and was about to stick my tray underneath her's to get it out of the way, when a nearby air bitch said, "that doesn't work for me, it creates too much of a hassle when I put them away."
then the air bitch grabs the tray out of my hand, launching ice and the cold war dated 7up all over my lap and my oh-so-comfortable-to-begin-with blanket, no apology was issued
then... ...she throws, that's right throws napkins at me and continues walking
This is, and hoopefully forever will be, the most bumpy ride I have ever been on, and I have fallen down a mountain on an ATV as you remember.
I am welcoming a crash at any time now
The airphone cord isn't nearly long enough for me to choke myself
Suddenly it smells like a skunk died in here, not just any skunk mind you, but one that is dead, lying in a pile of it's own vomit at the bottom of a new jersy sewer.

I didn't do a whole lot of writing today, but tonight I couldn't fall alseep so I stared at various things and wrote these two poems.

A building reaches up into the sky
hosting two large antenne upon it
from eachan intermitant utterance of red light
two pyres, pulsing, conversing, and connecting

their timing is slightly off
many occasions they glow descretely
the other answers back in return
they go on for several minutes

every so often they meet
syncronized perfectly in their exsistance
each moment they share their state of luminescence
these moments are what they live for
-RS

The wall turns to the ceiling and asks,
where is my textured paint?
why must I stay here,
uninspiring and plain,
and be forced to hold you up?

The ceiling turns back and replies,
I long for your orginization.
You are able to reach skyward
I am trapped in one horizontal plain
littered with rediculous plaster formations.

But, the wall continues, you are eligant
people do not mind staring at you.
every inch of you is different and unique
you reach from one end of me to the other
one chaotic artistic masterpiece

you fail to see your fortune my dear wall
you can indentify your problems easily
there are rules you can check yourself to
paintings, mirrors, and switches all have their places
I live life never knowing who I am.

I envy you, lucking ceiling, I wish I never knew who I was.
-RS

July 30, 2000

Today was pretty cool, it was the first day boarding the ship, but we got things off to a pretty lively start. First we got on the ship and had an evacuation drill. Which, of course, no one on the ship took seriously. Then the ship took about 20 minutes to do some creative manuvering to get itself out of the port and on the right course. My sister, Leandra, and I took a little break from dinner that night to go and watc/take pictures as we passes underneath the Sunshine Skyway bridge. I swear if I would have climbed up to the top of the stack and reached up I could have run my hand along the bottom of the bridge. It's amazing how you can drive over the bridge a hundred times and feel how huge it is, and then have it seem so small as you go under it in a giant boat. After dinner my dad and I played my sisters at ping pong, which, on the deck of a ship, is more entertaining than you can possibly imagine. We then went to the "Fantasia Lounge" and watched a whole bunch of people from the audience make complete fools of themselves on stage for prizes. Then there was a really funny comedian who came our and did a really funny show, tomorrow he is doing an "R rated" show at midnight which I'll be sure to attend. Later we stopped by the midnight buffet, and then went to the Kelidoscope which is a dance club on board the ship. My dad got kicked out of there because he was trying to smoke a cigar, and someone got all pissed at him for hit. So we left too. We stopped by a little lounge next door where a guy was playing a bunch of Oasis covers. He was really good at it. I finished off the day reading Pure Drivil (thanks Joel) out on our rooms veranda, and enjoyed the stars. The nights are incredible, and I'll get into them more tomorrow, maybe.

July 31, 2000

If I had to pick one word to describe being on the boat it would be windy. Everywhere I go I feel like I am going to get blown off of the boat. Today, I did a lot of sleeping :). I woke up at around 11 today. I then had some lunch, and then went out and laid in the sun for about an hour. Although my sister's tryt o tell me otherwise, I think that I am the same damn color that I was before I went out there, this is quite discouraging. I a starting to enjoy the whole "no computer" thing, it feels good to be able to truely get away. After "tanning" I came back downstairs and sat out on the verandah, read my book some more,and enjoyed the inwd and waves. I fell asleep here too, and actally woke up pretty refreshed. The only problem is that I fell asleep and the sun burnt the inside of my knees cause I was looking away from the sun. I'm not burnt too bad, I think I'll live. We all got dressed up for dinner tonight and we had a good time. Afterwords we watched the broadway show and the magic act, complete with feather-clad can-can dancers and everything. We had really good seats at the lounge, obtained rather easily by camping the doors before the show started. After the show we went shopping for a while, I got a pretty cool zippo. I'll have to be sure to grab some fuel for it when we stop in Grand Cayman tomorrow. Tonight I went to go see that comedian again for his R-rated comedy rutine. That was friggin awesome. Just one thing that I will say, whatever you do, if you see this guy you best not walk out on his show in the middle of it. He will not let you, he will have the lights turned on and will get no less than your entire life story before you are allowed to leave the room. Only after he has deemed your reason for leaving valid. "Fuck you" was not a valid reason as we found out. That person didn't hear the end of it.

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