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Nov Dec| August 01, 2000 |
| Aside from having to wake up at the ass crack of dawn this morning to get off of the ship, today was once again a whole lot of fun. We went to Grand Cayman for what seemed like about an hour, would have liked to have stayed longer. We went shopping for a while in the morning, and I got myself a Hard Rock shirt. We went out to the beach to have some fun, and we rented a kiyak and paddled around the bay for a half hour or so. I was reminded on a few occasions how horrid salt water tastes (bleh!). But we had to go cause something about the ship was going to just leave without us if we didn't make it, go figure right? That and there was a gigantic storm front coming in and that prolly would have made the beach a whole lot of not fun. So we had some pizza and I just kinda wandered atound the ship for a while. We saw another comedian who did two shows today. He did one show after dinner and then another R-rated one at midnight (as you'll notice most of the comedians do on this ship seem to do), both of these shows that he did completely sucked. We wrongfully tried to give him a second chance at midnigh, but he failed us again. The singer that we saw that night was quite a bit funnier than the comedian. Oh, and if you ever decide to go on a Carnival ship, there is a little something you must understand before you can safely use the sinks and showers. They are both equipped with two knobs. A blue one, and a red one. The blue one turns on the hot water, and the red one sets the shower to a special "holocaust mode" where you will suffer 3rd degree burns to 90% of your body if exposed to the spray for more then 2 seconds. They should be labeled "hot" and "never use - death" respectively. So after that god awful comedian that I endured twice, I am sitting out on our cabin's verandah, and I write this, while enjoying a nice cuban cigar... ...night, night. |
| August 02, 2000 |
Today was really cool. We woke up again at the ass crack of dawn, and went out into Cozumel. The first thing we did was go out to the beach and go snuba diving. No, that's not a typo... ..."snuba" diving is similar to scuba diving, but the main difference lies in that instead of having a tank on your back, he tank has a floatatino device on it, and it stays up at the surface while you are attached to it with a 20 ft hose. This allows for some more freedom of movement, and is otherwise just like scuba diving. We saw a whole ton of really cool fish and we have a whole underwater camera full of fun pictures that we took, and I will get those developed and posted as soon as I can (assuming they actually turned out). Afterwords we went into town and did some shopping. I got another hard rock cafe shirt, and a silver chain to wear around my neck. My sisters got some silver stuff too, a watch, some earrings, and a ring. We had a lunch at a place called Palmero's, which had some really nice food. I think I had a little too much banana daquri, cause I didn't taste anything in it at all, but when I tried to get up, I suddenly realized that maybe I should be a little bit more careful. But I was able to snap out of it pretty quickly and we went back to the ship after that. I helped my dad sneak some little travel cognacs back on the ship, cause they really sdon't care if you buy it out in the towns, but they want to check it all until the end of the vacation. I went to sleep after I took a shower and I didn't wake up until after dinner, where my sister's brought me to a trivia game show. My sister was kind enough to enter all of our names into the drawing to be a contestant. And I was the last person to be called up in the last of three games. So anyway, the game was kinda like "name something that has to do with that random audio clip" where they would play an audio clip from a movie theme, product commercial, or actor's line, and you would have to name the movie, product, or actor respectively. It was the first person to get 5 right wins, penalty of one for getting one wrong. and one person had four and I had 2, and then I got three right in a row and won. I was awarded two things (no, not jack and shit) I got a "24k carat, solid gold plastic trophy", and a cookbook that covers all the dishes that we were served on the ship. yay! well, I definately had fun today, and I get to sleep in past 7:30 tomorrow morning, so that will be really cool. Tomorrow we don't have a port, but we are just going to be heading for New Orleans all day.When a cloud is over land it is simple for lighting to strike |
| August 03, 2000 |
Today was another day that we spent entirely at sea, and, as usual for such a day, I slept in again. I did get myself out of bed for lunch though. I spent a lot of the day talking to my sister's about various things, you know, life, people, annoying stuff, you get the idea. We had a nice formal dinner again. This time I actually went out and bought a tie to wear, I was too lazy to last time. The one I got is, you guessed it, a bunch of shades of gray. But it does have a few pale yellow sunflowers on it, I don't know, I think it looks pretty cool. Afterwords we went to go see another broadway-style show. Thi sone wasn't nearly as impressive as the last one we went to. This one for lack of a better word, sucked. They had these two people that weren't all that great of singers just keep coming out over and over, singing song after song. The woman's voice was so painfully shrill it made me want to jump overboard. I have no idea why we didn't just leave, I really don't. So my sisters and I hung around for a while and made fun of how much the show sucked was just not right for the people preforming in it. After that we went to go see the next comic at 12, and I will say, this guy was fucking hilarious. good flow, good jokes, everything the last guy didn't have, what more could you ask for? So now I'm sitting here... ...at 2:30 in the morning... ...on my verandah... ...staring at the pretty lights. We are going to start up the Mississippi River pretty soon, and off in the distance I can see a combination of city lights, oil rigs, and ships in the distance. We will be entering the mouth of the river in about an hour, I just might stay p to see that. I guess I never really realized that New Orleans was that far up the Mississippi River, I thought It was closer to the gulf, oh well, now I know. There is definately one thing that I have come to realize on this trip for sure. You know, in geography, they tell you that the earth is 75% covered in water, but that doesn't mean jack to a kid who is in grade school. How can they be expected to understand what 75% is when they do not understand what the whole 100% is? But I don't care what the number is, 75%, or 100%, there is a whole shitload of goddamn water on this planet. I have basically spent the last week at sea, and all I have seen is mile, upon cubic mile of water. My god, this is a lot of fucking water. All this water inspired me to write the following:Ah, a life of a wave in the ocean |
| August 04, 2000 |
| Today I woke up and the ship was pitching and rolling all over the damn place. This made it very hard for me to continue sleeping cause the sliding closet door kept banging open and closed. For a while I just lay in bed and was thinking to myself we must be going through a hurricane or something. Then I thought, oh right, the Mississippi. So I look outside and sure enough, we are flying up the Mississippi River and we are banking all over the place so that we can make the turns. I got dressed and went to the top deck to watch all the stuff along the river. We got into New Orleans at around 11 o'clock, and we immediately headed into town. We speant all afternoon trapsing around the french quarter. I bought three more t-shirts including my third and final hard rock cafe shirt of the cruise. Upon completion of my little tour around N.O. I came to a few conclusions.
After dinner I went up to the top deck and played some more ping pong. I was playing against a guy named Evan who was from London. The two of us are pretty good and we split the games pretty evenly. We had a couple dozen people watching us play most of the time and it was alot of fun. I said we should both run a mississippi-river-boat-deck ping pong championship. The pitching of the deck was just an extra added challenge. At first I was playing in sandles but that started really hurting my feet, so I ditched them in favor of bare feet. That worked a lot better, until... ...there were about three glasses that the people who were using the table before us had left there and they were full of fruit punch. They got knocked over when someone walked by and spilled all over my feet, and the playing area where I was standing. Now my feet were sticky as all hell, and it felt really nasty, so I got a couple glasses of water and dumped them over the deck and my feet. Now my feet were no longer sticky but I was standing in a puddle of freezing cold water. Which made the game all the more interesting cause I kept falling on my ass until it dried up. So after that I proptly took a shower and washed my feet off which, at this point, looked worse then when I jogged home from Joel's house that one time. We then went to go see the comedian of the night, and he was pretty funny to, he had some more individual jokes rather than just a long rant, but his show still flowed well so it was cool. So now we are flying back down the Mississippi, and I am going to sleep. |
| August 05, 2000 |
Today marks two things
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| August 07, 2000 |
| I am finally back up to date now, as a few pitfalls have prevented me from getting all the other typing done, and I found that, really not all that much has gone on while I was gone. I have spent the past couple of days doing my best to get to see everyone, so if I have offended anyone because of my house-jumping, I apoligize. I haven't seen some people for longer than others, and I wanted to get back and see everyone as soon as possible so we could catch up, and I could give them their gifts I got them from the cruise. I am actually still not done doing that yet. Today I didn't do a whole lot, I just more futzed around getting things all set from coming back into town. CAtching up on stuff. I cleaned my turtle out, which it needed, and I need to start looking for a place to give him away. (I.E. if you or someone you know wants a turtle, free of charge, e-mail me and let me know). So tonight a whole ton of us went to Hans's house to watch wrestling, and afterwords a few of us went off to steak n' shake, we had a really cool waiter who was really nice to us, and we were joking with him a lot. I think Joel was thinking how much he would like working at the steak n' shake, but I could be wrong. |
| August 08, 2000 |
| 'It's sitting by the overcoat, the second shelf, the note she wrote, that I can't bring myself to throw away. And also, reach she said for no one else but you, cuz you won't turn away, when someone else is gone. I'm sorry 'bout the attitude I need to give when I'm with you, but no one else would take this shit from me. And I'm so terrified of no one else but me. And I'm here all the time, I won't go away. It's me, yeah I can't get myself to go away. It's me, and I can't get meself to go away. Oh god I shouldn't feel this way. Reach down your hand in your pocket, pull out some hope for me. It's been a long day, always ain't that right. And lord knows your hand won't stop it, just keep you trembling, it's been a long day, always ain't that right. Well I'm surprised that you'd believe in anything that comes from me. I didn't hear from you or from someone else. And you're so set in life man, a pisser they're waiting. Too damn bad you get so far so fast, so what, so long.' |
| Well, for starters, I made a few changes to the site. More stuff for my benefit than yours unfortunately. And, I would like you to take the three seconds it takes to download and install the true font that this site uses. you can get it here (right click that, hit save target as, and save it to c:\windows\fonts\, or if you use a mac, do what you gotta do) which brings me to my next point you may or may not have let get by you. I took the time today to rid this site of the "evil" no-right-click feature. While it was a "l33t" thing to have on a website, I realized that I could give two shits as to who looks at the code for my webpage. I actually haven't for a while, but it took about 5 minutes to go and get rid of all the code that makes that work all over the site. And 5 minutes was way to long for me to waste merely to convienince all of you viewers out there (sorry, but it's true, I'll type this stuff, and I do enjoy knowing that people read this, but those of you who would be interesting in looking at the code on this site are complete dorks like myself, and I don't care about how easy anything is for them :P) I found that I am going to have to go to my dad's office again as there is one more computer that is acting up, and I am to quell the uprising, yay! I just love going to do that. Oh and I found that I don't have a psrking spot at IT next month so my sister is going to have to find somewhere else to park her car :(. |
| August 09, 2000 |
Last night we tp'ed Katie's house, it was my idea. Today, I got the following letter from Jason:That was pretty sad and desperate. I can't beleive you did that to Katie after she has stuck with being friends to you guys. If I was in her position after you did all those things, i.e. : Marci things, "I'm so great", leaving out of plans, I would have written you all off a long time ago. Why would you do something so stupid as to tee pee her new house? I knew it was you people right away. Sloppy, done quick, and done very crappily. You're lucky she doesn't want to retaliate. Very lucky. Beleive me.To which I replied shortly thereafter: I apoligize that you chose to get involved in this as much as you had, I am sorry for the fact that Katie doesn't handle things well, I'm sorry for everything I've never done to you... ...I am also sorry for that time a little while ago that the sun shined in your eyes the wrong way, I'm sorry for when you played a bad round of golden eye, I'm sorry for the one time I killed your guy in smash brothers, I'm sorry for when you stepped in gum when you were 5, I'm sorry for the fact that you chose to take your website down. And, er, wait... ...was the website causing problems because you were expressing your feelings about events outright, and people were getting upset at you for it? sigh, don't you just hate when that shit happens? anyway let's see, where was I, oh right, I'm sorry that I have done nothing to you and you feel so angry at me (see how dumb apoligies actually sound if people expect you to do them too often) "but ryan... ...I'm not angry at you, just disappointed/disgusted/whatever you want to call it" well, you can save that line, because I have had it confirmed by virtually everyone you have acted with dislike for me for some time. The open insults (of whcih I heard the whole story about from katie) concerning the whole prom situation was enough for me to realize you were quite willing to become petty about it. |
| August 10, 2000 |
| 'Somewhere there's speaking. It's already coming in. Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind.You never could get it. Unless you were fed it. Now you're here and you don't know why. But under skinned knees and the skid marks. Past the places where you used to learn. You howl and listen. Listen and wait for the echoes of angels who won't return. He's everything you want. He's everything you need. He's everything inside of you that you wish you could be. He says all the right things at exactly the right time. But he means nothing to you, and you don't know why. You're waiting for someone, to put you together. You're waiting for someone to push you away. There's always another wound to discover. There's always something more you wish he'd say. He's everything you want. He's everything you need. He's everything inside of you that you wish you could be. He says all the right things at exactly the right time. But he means nothing to you, and you don't know why. But you'll just sit tight, and watch it unwind. It's only what you're asking for. And you'll be just fine, with all of your time, it's only what you're waiting for. Out of the island, into the highway. Past the places where you might have turned. I never did notice, that you still hide away, anger of angels who won't return. He's everything you want. He's everything you need. He's everything inside of you that you wish you could be. He says all the right things at exactly the right time. But he means nothing to you, and you don't know why. I am everything you want. I am everything you need. I am everything inside of you that you wish you could be. I say all the right things at exactly the right time. But I mean nothing to you, and I don't know why. And I don't know why.' |
I posted this song in my journal on April 22, 2000. I saw it then, and I see it now, so I'll post it again (this time in it's entirety). Yesterday a few of us talked about how everyone has a tendency to listen to songs, and think, "yep, that applies to my situation" some times they are right, sometimes they aren't (sorry hans :P). But with this song, I'm gonna go ahead and let you be the judge. Jason replied to the e-mail I sent today:Hey guys, I just wanted to wish you fun with a slut and an asshole. I hope you have a great time with Marci and Joel. Apparently you don't know what or who real friends are.I guess maybe I was hoping for more of a response from him. I by no means wrote the last letter to get a rise out of him, but was just trying to point out what I felt. But I'm afraid I may just give up now. I usually don't quit anything like this, but seriously folks. I am wasting my time. I refuse to try and converse with someone that shows this kind of lack of respect for people. Especially when I try and reason with him. I'm not replying to this e-mail other than this short little blurb, and will not speak any further about it. Meanwhile, I saw 2001: A space oddesey today... ...all I have to say is I spent the last half of the movie trying to figure out the most effective way of giving myself a total frontal lobotomy so as to stop the mental anguish that was the directionlessness of this film. But this is like the "modern art" of movies, so if you don't like it you are a fool. I have to go back to my dad's office on Monday cause he needs more work done. He has finally green lighted upgrading all the computers to 98, ditching the ones that can't do it, and moving the server data to a 98 machine, and then just mapping a network drive to protect continuity of the drive specifications for the older programs. |
| August 11, 2000 |
First off, Happy Birthday to my sister, and I hope she had a wonderful time down in her home in Athens, GA. Take care for me. Well, a new little stupid thing has arisen concerning Jason, and I wish to post it here again, thus contradicting myself about not saying anything more here, I apoligize for lying in that regards. I put an entry in the Kellhounds site by suggestion of Joel, and we both thought it would be funny. The author of the entry was labeled "stepinwolf" (stepinwolf being Jason if you hadn't guessed) and it read "I am a little birdy flapping happily in the trees." It was a joke. I got the following reply from Jason:Subject: You are such a loserto which I replied: sigh, it appears as though you only pay attention to me long enough to see things you hate. So it is very hard to find the motivation to do anything nice. Therefore, I'll find a happy medium and do little or nothing at all, would that be better?Once again, I don't know what else to say I really don't. Everything I do is a personal attack, aimed at destroying him. By association I have been ostricised and told by Jason that the "99' guys" (Jason, Milzy, Rosie, Sean) all hate me. That's a rather strange thing for someone to tell me don't you think. I don't remember them ever having much of a beef with me. I could be wrong, they could hate me, but I would not be able to see why. So I think I'll wait for them to come to me and tell me this before I jump to any conclusions. I guess of all the people in the group of friends here I have probably picked up the least amount of flack from people (generally speaking). And don't think it hasn't been a concious effort to avoid people being pissed at me. I don't think there are many people who truely like people to be pissed at them. The only people who can say they want people to be pissed at them, are people that have lost all hope of having people like them for whatever reason, and simply want people to show something for them. Better to be hated then to be ignored I guess. Well, not really as far as I'm concerned. I'd honestly rather be ignored than hated, too much negative energy in your general direction isn't a good thing. So if people have their rifle loaded with rounds of hatred and are aiming for you, don't try to grab the gun out of their hands, let them go at you, say screw it. Que sara, sara. Sometimes there is none a more hurtful a thing to do as a form of revenge, then nothing at all. Sorry Leandra, I know you were prolly hoping for something a bit more uplifting to read on your birthday than this, it's quite depressing I assure you I noticed, but I also assure you I hope you had the most of fun today, and hope to talk to ya soon, take care, and good night |
| August 12, 2000 |
"Ryan, I never liked. Ever since I met him."Tol-er-ate v. 1) not to interfere with, allow 2) to recognise and respect others in their beliefs or practices without sharing them. I don't see how he is tolerating me as he obviously holds no respect for me, my opinions, my beliefs, or my actions. So, now what. Will he just go on getting angry at people for simply speaking my name in conversation? Will people named Ryan bring back awful memories of the horrible yours truely and get the same kind of disrespect? I'm sure most of you in this position would probably give up on even talking to Jason. I know the thought as crossed my mind. But you know what is probably one of the worst feelings in the world that I have had to endure. The feeling of what will happen. I have obviously disregarded statements from him concerning me, as he has stated they have no basis. But as he moves along and gets to know people, he might run into someone I used to know. And if for some obscure reason my name somes up, Jason will probably say, "yeah I knew him, never really liked him he wasn't a real good person". That is what is bothering me about this. I guess maybe I wanted him to a friend toward me. He is genreally a pretty cool guy. The fact that he believes sending that long winded letter to him a while ago constitutes "saying things about him" is kinda funny. But, uh, in light of the letter he sent me in response to that, and this current one, maybe I should ask him what real friends are. Apparently I haven't gotten that down yet. But since I was bored I did this and this. My site and Joel's site respectively, viewed wit the other's css file. I did not modify the html files at all but just refered them to a different css file, and you can see the differnce. Unless of course you use netscape, in which case they probably look almost exactly the same :P. |
| August 13, 2000 |
| 'A long December and there's reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last. I can remember the last thing that she said as you were leaving, "oh the days go by so fast." And it's one more day up in the canyons. And it's one more night in Hollywood. If you think that I could be forgiven, I wish you would. The smell of hospitals in winter, and the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters but no pearls. And once she looked across a crowded room to see the way that light attaches to a girl. And it's one more day up in the canyons. And it's one more night in Hollywood. If you think you might come to California, I think you should. I Drove up to Hillside Manor, sometime after 2 am, and talked a little while about the year. I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower. Makes you talk a little lower, about the things you could not show her. And it's been a long December, and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last. I can remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass. And it's one more day up in the canyon. And it's one more night in Hollywood. It's been so long since I've seen the ocean, I guess I should.' |
| Things are pretty cool with Jason again I guess. He quasi-apoligized, and thanked me for not being a part of Tping his house. I guess that's all I really wanted. Given we aren't best buds now, but we're for the most part cool. So I guess I get to go to college without anyone being mad at me. I just have to not screw up this week :). Goodbye and good luck to Marci, who, Joel has described as being the incarnation of free spirit and fun. I don't know if I'd go quite that far, but she was kinda a cool person to hang out with, regardless of people's beefs with her. Good luck at LSU, and best wishes to your Grandmother. On a similar note, today was Molly's last day in town, and she is taking off for Iowa tomorrow. I will miss you a whole ton. Good luck there and all the other trite things to say to someone leaving. Maybe Molly leaving is different that Marci to me or something 'cause we are all coming back here for Thanksgiving and then Christmas, so I will see her and a bunch of other people then. That will be cool, and it kinda takes some heat off of the departure I suppose. Less bells going off in the head comparing it to death then for someone I may never see again. Today I played a round of golf with my dad, and after not having played for about 2 years now, I think I did pretty well. My dad really wanted to play "one last round" today before I went to college. And I told him, you know, I'm not dying, I'm just moving away. He just kinda laughed and then looked down. Joel and I were discussing this yesterday. He compared the thought of Marci leaving, to the thought of her dying. That's it, it's over, he may not ever see her again. The concept of it is similar to the brain as the death of that person. And we react similarly. With the rest of us it will be different as there will be breaks that we will come. across and see each other. But regardless it will be hard. It's kinda funny and to use an overly used quote, "you won't know what you got 'til it's gone". But now I'm just ramling. On an even sadder note than friends leaving I had to take my stereo out of my car today :P. It is currently now without any form of music as although we replaced the deck and speakers with the old ones, I need to get the code to disable the security feature that is enabled when you disconnect it from the battery. Until then, I travel in silence, it's quite sad. |
| August 14, 2000 |
| Well, I finally got off my ass and put my new computer together. Computers are never fun when you try to upgrade the motherboard and CPU. The last time I had just as much fun. Right now I am not completely done, as I am still in the process of getting the sound to work again. Sound is always a bitch when you have a lot of devices on your computer cause sound just uses up any and all reasources it possibly can and is one of the very few devices that can cause the system devices that can cause system errors when attempted to load windows on boot up. In other words, fuck you soundcard. I'm using a PCI modem that Hans let me borrow for a week until I get to school and just use the LAN. And I have concluded that the reason I has such a good modem connection probably had more to do with my modem than it did with my phone lines as was once suspected. My old modem would dial out and report a connection at 115,200bps. This one lists 40,000bps. wtf. And the other one is older and is ISA. The new PCI modems just plain suck, what can I say? Obviously I am not going to have a chance to get a feel for this new setup's preformence until I get the sound working so I can use the applications that actually take advantage of this much proccessing power. Until then, I am using the computer just to write a simple update. Which it is doing just fine :). I do definately like the looks of the new case better than the last one I had, I will say that much. Otherwise I spent most of today at my dad's office working once again on the computers there, I think, I may actually be done now. I think... I won't quote myself on that just yet, but I can try. Tonight I saw "What Lies Beneath" with Ricky and his sister. That was one of the few good scary movies that I have seen in a long time. I'm surprised I haven't heard more about it. I am pretty hard to get a rise out of with scary movies, and I must admit there was one scene that made me jump about two feet in the air. A problem was that Ricky's sister would let out a shrieking scream every 5 minutes towards the end of the movie, and it really started to get annoying, she's a complete nut, I swear :). So I actually so a whole lot of nobody today, and I am really tired right now, and I don't have any music or counterstrike at the moment to keep me awake, so I'm going to sleep. |
| August 15, 2000 |
| I now have sound, and can once again listen to music and do other annoying noise-making things with my computer, ha ha ha, I am so cool now. Not really much of an update today as I have done almost nothing all day. The only real thing that I have done useful all day was make this and I sent it into Security Gaurd at CS-Nation in hopes of getting some internet-publicity, which always makes you feel better, when you are a bit depressed. People see you in an IRC room, and the recognise you, and they all want to talk to you and play cs with you and stuff. It happened to Joel (and partly me when people found out I was involved) when he and I wrote the RzE = f4g0t song. And I hope it will happen again. It's a really weird feeling. There's nothing like anonymous fame. So that's my story of the day, I have done no packing, I have done no shopping (though my mom has) and I have errands accumulating up the yin-yang before I go to school. And yet I still don't have the motviation to get up and do any of it. Maybe a part of me just wants to stay here for the summer. I don't remember who I was talking to, but I think I said, damn, this summer was just starting to get to be fun, and now it's coming to an end. Or maybe I want to go, but am a big prcrastinator/lazy ass and don't have my shit together, I won't know until Saturday, I'll be sure to keep you all filled in. I hope you all choose to keep up with this site when I move away. It would mean a lot to let me know that you all still care. Take care all |
| August 16, 2000 |
Light is an incredible thing.I haven't sat and done it in a while so today I wrote my 16th poem here. I was just sitting in my room, with my blinds closed, and my doors closed... ...And no light on... ...and I could see what I was doing. Made me wonder, oh well. I entered all of my classes into my palm so that I can easily keep track of when I'm supposed to be where. And when I look at the schedule laid out nicely in graphical format, I can see that it's not all that bad. Sure, on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I have to get up at 8. But, but the rest of schedule is very descent, I don't have a lot of classes packed together at all. I have plenty of empty space in my schedule to do shit. And in most cases where I have an 8 o'clock class, I can go, then come back and go back to sleep again. Which would be pretty cool anyway. And my Fridays are a complete joke. I have a class at 8 to 8:50, and a class from 2 - 2:50. And a whole bunch of nothing in the middle. Oh, and I got that thing posted on csnation, pretty good response so far, people seem to like it. Originally Security Gaurd messed it up though, resulting in a white background that washed out the opening and ending text, but he fixed it now. On a completely differnet note, what was that song you posted Joel? I hate myself and want to die. What started out as an innocent goofy line to Katie to start a conversation, "Hello my beautiful penguin of light." turned into a conversation that leaves me hating myself. I am talking to Katie telling her that the reason I haven't felt so great lately is that I feel tossed aside, and labeled, "not worth the time anymore". To which I get this: Max Smt: Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.Meanwhile I have Joel giving me the "don't do this to yourself" speech which, sorry Joel, didn't help at the time. Now as I type I'm on the phone with Katie cause she called me up and told em I souldn't go to bed mad, well I'm not wasn't really mad, nor am I now. But you have to understand that being told you have turned into someone she doesn't consider to be friend worthy, and then also told that Joel, who has listened to everything I said, couldn't be a real friend to me, it is going to be really hard to try to cheer me up on the spot. I think maybe I'll go play in traffic now. |
| August 17, 2000 |
| 'I drove downtown in the rain. 9:30 on a Tuesday night. Just to check out the late night record shop. Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane. But when I'm surrounded I just can't stop. It's a matter of instinct, it's a matter of conditioning, it's a matter of fact.' |
| If I get woken up one more time on a day that I was damn good and ready to sleep in, and had no forseen reason of getting up before 11, I'm going to slaughter someone. Ahem, so anyway, it's amazing what a good nights sleep and a haircut will do for you when you feel like crap. I'm feeling much better now, but I assure you last night I did actually feel like playing in traffic, but I had hope I would feel better today, so that kept me from doing it. You have to lose all hope to be actually suicidal, and that is far from happening. So Today I ran a bunch of errands. For one I gave my turtle away today, hopefully he'll be happy wherever he ends up. I also, as mentioned, got a haircut today. I decided to get it cut even shorter than usual on the sides, cause I hate having hair on the sides of my head, it's just plain annoying. I also picked up the final pieces of the sever for next week, so that's all set as well. And I got a copy of win2K server to install on it tomorrow, which I will do. I have drivin my car for the last time today (zooms in on tear) as my parents will be returning it tomorrow morning. I am continuing to get e-mails about the flash 4 counter-crap I made for csnation. All good. I guess no one is going to take the time to send me an e-mail to tell me that I suck (don't start now people). Oh, and if for some reason you thought my e-mail addy was still chaz720@mindspring.com, it's not, it's champu@chaz720.net, or whatever@chaz720.net. That will always go to whatever mailbox I have intentions of checking and using, so you will always be able to use that address regardless of where I go. Right now it goes to my U of I e-mail addy. I will also always (unless I'm on vaction) send from there too, so it shouldn't be too hard to remember. Now that that's out of the way... ...Joel is leaving tomorrow morning and thus tonight is the last night I will see him until probably around thanksgiving sometime. We'll have to be sure to have a little mini-reunion then or something. Maybe I'll orchistrate a dinner or something like that. Everybody likes food right? shouldn't be too hard to get people to come. And likewise, Christmas break we'll have to be sure to meet up again. Until then, take care, and good luck, but I still thing comp-sci isn't as good as comp-e joel :). |
| August 18, 2000 |
| This is the last night for me here, for a while. I am writing this from my parents computer as mine is already in the car. Ready to go at 7 tomorrow morning. I got everything all set and I'm pretty psyched to get going. Katie stopped by today for a few miuntes to say goodbye and that was that. Never really saw anyone else, except Hans, and we all know that he doesn't count, seeing as I'm gonna be living with him. Oh well, I guess the people that are going to miss me most have already left. So now I am going to get some sleep, gotta get up early so I can sleep down to U of I tomorrow. Nighty night, and I'll maybe write a real entry tomorrow. |
| August 20, 2000 |
| I have access to internet now here at school, I will write update later, not now argahgrhagrhaghrahrghar |
| August 21, 2000 |
| Well I don't wanna be President, Superman, or Clark Kent. I don't wanna walk 'round in their shoes. 'Cause I don't know who's side I'm on. I don't know my right from wrong. I don't know where I'm going to. I don't know about you I'll be the rain falling on your fire escape. And I may not be the man you want me to. I can be myself, how 'bout you? I don't wanna make you mad. I don't wanna meet your dad. I don't wanna be your dream come true. 'Cause I don't know just what I've found. I don't know my sky from ground. I don't know where I'm going to. I don't know about you. I'll be the rain falling on your fire escape. And I may not be the man you want me to. I can be myself, how 'bout you? I'll be the rain falling on your fire escape. And I may not be the man you want me to I can be myself, how 'bout you? I can be myself, how 'bout you? I can be myself How 'bout you?' |
| Well college has been pretty cool for the first few days. I've been meeting people on my floor. I hope to meet even more once classes get going, which happens on Wednesday for us. I can once again send e-mail again, although it won't be using the uiuc server, cause it sucks and doesn't work from my location. So I will use a mediaone server until I have some great reason to do otherwise. We had a freshman convocatoin thingy today where we all sat and listened to speeches about how great and opportunistic the next four years are going to be for us and how lucky we are to be a part of something so special. And all that other fun stuff. I met Col. Blank yesterday briefly, and he's a pretty cool guy. We ahd fun talking to him. Last night we watched the usual suspects with a few people. Hans and I are going to see if we can find ourselves a house party with some people tonight, and kick it before classes start. Take it easy everyone, and have a good time. an apendage: I had a conversation with Jason before I went to sleep. And I'm starting to find something really funny. He acts as though I should be on a quest to earn his respect, and yet... ...Every time I talk to him, he holds less and less of mine. Chaz720: hellowhy... ...do... ...I... ...even.... ...care... ...anymore... ...? |
| August 22, 2000 |
In life everyone does things.Today was a lot of fun. We had quad day today which was cool. It's basically where every orginization within a 20 mile radius gets together and throws flyers at freshmen. But it's was still a lot of fun and we got to walk around and at get some nice air. It was a really beautiful day out side today. Tonight we had a BBQ, and we had a lot of fun. Both Hans and I burned our hands trying to man the grill with a 6 inch long plastic spatula (grr). But we made some good burgers and grilled chicken. Then the RA took over *cough* and the burger quality, uh *cough* nevermind. So anyway, we had some fun, met some more people from the tenth and 14th floor, so that was cool. In about half an hour we are going up to the 16th floor to go watch a movie in the lounge, well that was my day. Take it easy everyone, and have a good evening (eek! classes tomorrow :P). |
| August 23, 2000 |
| My first day of classes went rather wel. It appears as though by 7:15 IT has completely run out of hot water or something cause I couldn't seem to get any. Oh well, I guess a cold shower will wake you up faster anyway :P. My classes seem to be pretty cool. Can tell that I am going to have a lot of fun in my psychology class. I think of all the classes that is going to be one of the ones I won't want to miss. My ECE class, I think is going to for the most part be a joke cause I know most of the material from either physics or my electroniccs class that I took in high school. But I will still go, And try to have as much of a good time as I can muster out of it. Hans, in a last ditch effort to complete and round out his dorkdom, bought a palm pilot today. He got the Palm IIIex. Which is the exact same thing as mine, minus the color tft screen, and the lithium ion battery that compliments that screen. Still cool, and his has an indiglo-type thing that lights the display pretty well in the dark, so just in case he is locked in a closet, he will still be able to read all his class sylibi :P. Not that I would ever want or try to lock him in a closet or anything, this is all just in theory of course. My chem class is going to be new stuff, but from what I understand, patience and effort are the end-all cure-all for doing well in any class you get yourself into. Hans also de-overclocked his computer as the many hours he spends playing Descent Freespace II kept getting interupted by annoying blue screens of death, what a shame. He computer now seems to be acting normal again, so that's good for Hans. I haven't had any problems really since I've moved here, aside from my DVD video board acting up a bit. Prolly sometihng stupid that has to do with it and my new motherboard and it that the computer i not getting along with too well. I also have an interesting goal for myself concerning this website. As time permits I will try to write a poem to put on the page three times a week (most likely monday wednesday and Friday) and I hope to get some inspiring material flowing here. I think that will be fun, and I know that at least one person likes my poems, so I'll do it if only for that one person. Take care and goodnight again. I have to be at 9:30 tomorrow :P. that's not bad at all, every other day I get off from having to get up early. So once again, take care everybody, hmm, I'm starting to get really sick of saying that at the end of every single entry :P, oh well. |
| August 24, 2000 |
| "Jane says I'm done with sergio He treats me like a ragdoll She hides The television Says "i don't owe him nothing, But if he comes back again Tell him to wait right here for me or, Try again tomorrow" "I'm gonna kick tomorrow..." "I'm gonna kick tomorrow..." Jane says "Have you seen my wig around? I feel naked without it" She knows They all want her to go But that's ok man She don't like them anyway Jane says "I'm going away to spain when i get my money saved I'm gonna start tomorrow" "I'm gonna kick tomorrow..." "I'm gonna kick tomorrow..." She gets mad And she starts to cry Takes a swing but she can't hit! She don't mean no harm She just don't know... What else to do about itJane goes To the store at eight She walks up on st. andrews She waits And gets her dinner there She pulls her dinner From her pocket Jane says "I've never been in love - no" She don't know what it is She only knows if someone wants her "I only want 'em if they want me,..." "I only know they want me..." Jane says... Jane says... |
So how you all doin' tonight? ... ... ... I said how you all doin' tonight? ... that's more like it. Today was mildly entertaining, we ran around and did all kinds of stuff. I went to the first day of my Math 242 class. Lucky for me a friend of mine, Marty (see friends) is in it too, so if we have problems, we can work together on it. Hans and I got a bunch of stuff to put up on our walls , and even on the wall near our door outside. We plan on taking over the entire wall outside our room soon too, bwahaha, there is no stopping us. Joel has dsl now, so plan on seeing him online a lot more. He is moving his webpage all over the internet and it is currently "forbidden" at it's current attempted location. (that's what he gets for trying to store it at purdue :P). He did do one thing usful toady though, he introdiced me (formally, I've heard of it before) Phone Free a fun little program that lets you make free long distance phone calls over the internet using your computer's sound system. And given you have a descent microphone. It actually sounds pretty damn good. I gotta go to sleep now, as I have class in about 7 hours. I will leave you with a poem tonight though, enjoy.what incentive do I have to go to sleep? |
| August 25, 2000 |
| Not a whole lot new today. My mom called cause she was having a couple problems with the computer which she now knows how to fix if she needs to in the future. Oh, and I moved this site and it's content over to an account that I have at school here. I don't quite get unlimited space like I did on xoom, but I think I get plenty for most of the stuff I do. I will just be getting rid of some of the random shit that no one wanted anyway. Like Winamp skins... ...no one thinks of Winamp skins and says, gee, hmm, I think I'll chack out www.chaz720.net, never, no one has ever said that. Everyone knows that if you want to get winamp skins you go to, big strech here, www.winamp.com. So those I am going to get rid of. The main reason I choose to move my site, is because XOOM SERVERS SUCK ASS, AND LOTS OF IT! I understand that, you know, they are giving out free space to people, and unlimited free space at that too. But the fact that my page took about 4 years to load, if it even did, was a bad thing. In all honesty, nothing about my page is all that big just by itself. With the possible exception of the friends page, and some of the other flash movies that I've made. But really, the only reason my page is so big is cause there are so damn much flash stuf on it. And I also realized that on that xoom server, I had shit from when my page was starting out, all kinds of rollover images and crap. It's sickening how ugly my old page was. (quiet, I don't want to hear any wise cracks) But seriously, look at this. I feel almost embaressed to put my name to the horror of ugliness that was that site. I mean, seriously. What the fuck is with the green dots on the blue text roll over? what the hell? Who does that? And the random little thing that just counts hrs/min/sec for no reason what so ever. And the little scrolling bullshit in the status bar. I guess when you first learn stuff about javascript and html, you feel the need to use the shit out of it to proove that you too can use too much javascript and make your site look like ass. I guess in a lot of ways a more simple site is preferable. Oh, and I almost forgot, I made a little section called Mr. Knotacht, a collection of stuff never to be said... ...by anyone. But I'm guessing you'll laugh at at least one of them. |
| August 26, 2000 |
| Uh, Counter-strike Beta 7 came out today, and I rock |
| August 27, 2000 |
| Hans's computer is a giant steaming heaping pile of shit. His laptop is cool, but If I hear him swear at his computer and then throw his chair at it one more time I'm going to go insane. I added a nift little thing to my journal that allows me to link you to individual entries, and if other people want, they can link to them too. All you have to do if you want to link to an entry on my page is this. Let's say you want to link to April 4th 2000, my dad's birthday. the link would be "http://chaz720.net/obese.php?section=journal&date=20000404" and it would work like this link does. That way if for some reason you have a site that is ongoing and are refering to something in my site you can link it that way rather than saying "www.chaz720.net" for everything, then if people find and read the stuff later they can easily find what in the hell you are talking about. But enough about that. Today has been okay, I haven't done much really all that productive but I did quite a bit of cleaning around here, so now the kitchen no longer looks like someone just threw old food all over the place anymore. It seems as though every single night we have a thunderstorm around here. I don't mind at all, I love lightning to death, but what is it about this place? Is there something about corn or something that just spawns all the storms. I guess technically I'm in tornado alley, but you know this is kinda rediculous. Random thought, I dont' know where that was going at all. Hmm, I have some reading to do for psych, and I don't want to be up all that late, got class at 8, so laterz all. |
| August 28, 2000 |
Okay, now, I have a filter on my mail, amoung others, that checks to make sure that the "TO:" or "CC:" line actually is addressed to me, and not left blank or filled with a convoluted place holder like "porncandidate@internet.com". And it takes all the messages that don't qualify, and are usually not worth my reading, and dumps them in the shit bin. It doesn't delete them unless I choose to, and I usually just choose to ignore them. But since I was bored (I don't know how I got bored, with all the work I do, but I managed) I took the time to pick through some of these, and give you a little glimpse at the absolutely retarded spam I've been recieving.Subject: Making Money On The Internet Is Easy!Hmm, funny, last time I checked my E-mail wasn't "Beth0814@mostcat.com". And does anyone find it disturbing that not only does this company not actually have a name, but there is absolutely no mention of where the money comes from, or where it goes? I think that's a little weird. I just wish that unsubscribing was as easy as "subscribing" was, whcih is to say, to have done nothing whatsoever. Subject: We will delete your bad credit even if it accurateThey didn't even bother with a "TO:" line in this mail. But that is expected as this company is obviously run by a bunch of no-talent ass-beefs. They didn't even use proper grammer in their subject line. I don't know about you, but I don't want people like that monkeying around with my credit, that's jsut not cool. And the "legallity" of anything this shady company does is questionable as far as I'm concerned. At least they didn't gimme any of that "unsubscribe" bullshit. It was kinda funny when I first had the subject column in my trash bin set kinda narrow and the subject read, "We will delete you..." if that's not inviting I don't know what is. Subject: hot girls!Hmm, marketing research department, I like that. They can afford to have a research department, but they can't afford to get a fucking domain name so they don't have to link to a bare IP addy for their url. I don't know maybe all of the porn domain names are already registered. And speaking of research, what kind of research do you actually think goes on in places like this? "let's see, if said person has a dick with which to jerk off, send said person porn." There, I just saved said dumb as shit company a lot of money on research. Subject: Did You Know Your Spouse Has A Secret? 24367Okay now, the fact that I'm not married was always a fun indication that, ooh, maybe this sender has in fact, no fucking clue who I am. Maybe if they had a crack bunch of researches like those last butt-clowns, they'd know that. In fact, they didn't want to "disclose" who I was. Like I couldn't figure out who the hell I am, hell, If I was that stupid, I'd probably also try to send a mail to that e-mail addy at the bottom in an attempt to remove myself. If they don't keep track of who they send it to, how they hell are they going to keep track of who wants off. If my addy is "undisclosed" I jsut assume keep it that way. Subject: This is so cool (102732)This is actually the letter that prompted me to do this, I don't think I've ever laughed this fucking hard in my life. Now, as most of you know, I go to U of I. And I don't remember being located next to "Dirty Skanky Trashbag Porno Hoes University" I don't think that college visited our high school either. But I guess this "Lisa" person must be really talented. She seems to be double majoring in web-design, and "going down on her roomate for money" what a rough curriculum. |
| August 29, 2000 |
Let's see, what word can we use to best describe today, how about, "redicu-mutha-fuckin-hot". It was soo hot outside... audience: "how hot was it?"... It was so hot, the block of ice that was our air conditioner actually thawed out and dripped water all over our apartment. I made another wallpaper for my computer, and you can pick it up behind Door #1 that Vanna is displaing for us. OH, and before I go any further I have a couple more spam messages for you:Subject: Reduce Your Waistline in 60 Minutes!I don't think this one really even needs a caption. Do you?... ...If you awnsered yes, screw you. Subject: This Site Has ENVERYTHING To Promote Your Site!SPAM = unsolicited e-mail = what they just sent me. I love companies that advertise spam-free ways of advertising using spam. I think that is an interesting little pinch of irony. Subject: "Hi, this is for you"And it goes on like this for about 5000 words. 5000 words! of that crap. *******GOOD THING THERE WAS SUCH WONDERFUL USE OF CAPS LOCK AND FUCKING ASTERIKS****** ELSE i WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN WHAT PART WAS IMPORTANT!!!!! I love the part where they are under investigation by a network. that's cute. But the thing that really bugged me as that they used the domain "thearmy.com" to send it. That's just disgraceful. All the men that have died for our country, carrying our flag, fighting over seas, in the name of America and her Army. Are being exploited to try to advertise some hair-brained get rich quick scheme. Besides, who couldn't figure out that it would be Army.mil? So today was really hot out, I went to more classes today, today was really easy as tuesdays usually go. I just have a few relatively simple classes. With the possible exception of Math 242. Which I have a feeling that by mid-semester will blossom into a full-blown pain in the ass. We'll see. Marty is in that class with me so we will probably work on the harder homework together. Calc I feel will come to me, it just might take the littlest bit of effort. |
| August 30, 2000 |
| 'Like anyone would be, I am flattered by your fascination with me. Like any hot blooded woman. I have simply wanted an object to crave. But you, you're not allowed. You're uninvited. An unfortunate slide. It must be strangely exciting. To watch the stoic squirm. Must be somewhat hard telling, to watch them burn me shepherd. But you you're not allowed. You're uninvited. An unfortunate slide. Like any uncharted territory. I must seem greatly intriguing. You speak of my love like. You have experienced love like mine before. But this is not allowed. You're uninvited. An unfortunate slide. I dont think you unworthy. I need a moment to deliberate.' |
Could it be that I (of all people) play just a little bit too much counter-strike? I don't feel that it interferes with my work, or doing other things, but I've gotten a few little hints, ahem. Top Ten Signs you have been playing, altogether too much counter-strike:
Well today was hot and shitty. Tomorrow's forecast is hot and shitty. We have crappy weather fronts moving in from the north and south. And these will most likely mix to create a large quantity of suck-ass weather well into next week, Thank you for tuning in. I have a theory that I have deduced about people getting hammered in college. People call drinking a "social" action. You are supposed to get drunk, and then it loosens you up and you can then feel very comfortable making an ass out of yourself. I don't think this is the part of drinking that is social. I think the social part of drinking comes well after the fact. It's when people sit around (sober) and tell stories of stupid things they have done while they were drunk. Everyone laughs, and it brings people closer together. That's the social part of drinking. You'd be surprised what people will laugh at you having done if you precede it with, "So I was really drunk this one time and I..." and anything short of murder or rape will be found humorous as the next part of that sentence. I, myself, have never partaken in an alcohol abuse before, so I can not speak on my own behalf. I am merely stating what I see other people do. That goes for anything else I've ever said that is even slightly incriminating on this site before...(cough) |
| August 31, 2000 |
| No update today, I sat at my computer for the last several hours making this, an all new counter-crap for csnation. It took me way too long, and now and I feel like I'm going to pass out. |