chaz720.net - journal

November 18, 2000

"show me how you do that trick, the one that makes me scream" she said "the one that makes me laugh" she said and threw her arms around my neck "show me how you do it and i promise you i promise that i'll run away with you, i'll run away with you" spinning on that dizzy edge i kissed her face and kissed her head and dreamed of all the different ways i had to make her glow "why are you so far away?" she said "why won't you ever know that i'm in love with you? that i'm in love with you?" you, soft and only. you, lost and lonely. you, strange as angels, dancing in the deepest oceans, twisting in the water, you're just like a dream... daylight licked me into shape. i must have been asleep for days. and moving lips to breathe her name, i opened up my eyes and found myself alone. alone. alone above a raging sea that stole the only girl i loved, and drowned her deep inside of me. you, soft and only. you, lost and lonely. you, just like heaven.

I'm back in town again and I am looking foreward to seeing the whole crew once again as I will over the course of the next week. Welcome home guys. It's funny, I actually used the word "home" to discribe school the other day and it was kinda strange. Am I that adept to change that I can call someplace home after living there for a mere couple of months. What exactly qualifies as "home". Well, I think that greatly depends on who you are. Maybe home to me is merely where I live, perhaps I don't look as far into it as some do. To some people home refers to what you right down as your perminent address, it's where you grew up, where you made your first friends, where you made your first enemies. It's where the rest of your family lives, it's where you go when your dorm locks it's doors, it's where you will always have a bed. It's where your relatives go for thanksgiving to eat dinner. It's where you can catch up with all your old friends from the past, it's where you can avoid your old enemies. It's where you look around and everything you see has a story. It's when you look around and everyone you see you have seen before. Usually the people you see are differnt, but you hold them in the same minds eye. Home is where nothing changes from where you leave it in your mind. Events go on, but your lack of presence removes those from the equation. Memories of how things were seem to be all that matters, so anything you thought returns with you when you return home. So when news of a change hits you, it can be hard. Coming home makes you feel different. Coming home makes you feel old. Coming home makes your friends all that much better. So is it that I only think of home as a place of residence? Is it merely a place where I have my mail delivered? Well, it's hard to say... but the light was on... nothing has changed... I feel a bit older... I believe I've come home.

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