chaz720.net - journal

December 16, 2000

Won't you come see about me I'll be alone, dancing - you know it baby Tell me your troubles and doubts Giving me everything inside and out Love's strange - so real in the dark Think of the tender things That we were working on Slow change may pull us apart When the light gets into your heart, Baby Don't you forget about me Don't, don't, don't, don't Don't you forget about me Will you stand above me Look my way, never love me Rain keeps falling Rain keeps falling Down, down, down Will you recognize me Call my name Gonna walk on fire Rain keeps falling Rain keeps falling Down, down, down Don't you try and pretend It's my beginning We'll win in the end I won't harm you Or touch your defences Vanity, insecurity Don't you forget about me I'll be alone, dancing - you know it, Baby Going to take you apart I'll build us back together a heart, Baby Don't you forget about me Don't, don't, don't, don't Don't you forget about me As you walk on by Will you call my name As you walk on by Will you call my name When you walk away Oh, will you walk away Will you walk away Oh, call my name Will you call my name?

There has, and undoubtably always will be, a human need, an obsession if you will, to be important. Everyone loves to be loved so to speak. And why not, we live only through the eyes of others. We can convince ourselfs we are anything we want, we have that power over ourselves. We do not have that power over others. We can only convice others of who we are through our actions, what we say, what we do. So what do we want to convince others of? We want attention, good attention is better than bad attention but either will do in a pinch. And it seems everyone's goal is to be needed. If the worst feeling that can ever be felt is lonliness, then the second worst feeling is the feeling of being replacable. This is true for everything we do, whether it be at a job, as a friend, or as a loved one, we would like to believe that we are the only person qualified for the job. The thought that someone losing us would be devistating to them is incredibly flattering. That your being gone would have such a profound impact on someone else suggests that you are infinately important to them. If you were to be gone and people replaced you easily, what does that say about your importance? It means you didn't have very much. People will always try to move on and fill holes in their lives, but people don't want to leave a hole that can be filled, they want to be every thought in someone's head, they want to be the reason that someone can't sleep, they want to be that damn important. But wanting is dumb. Having is what people should concern themselves with. Why would you rather be a pleasent memory than pleasent company? What is so great about anything once you are gone? Is it the thoughts you have now about the future that make you so happy? Why would you have to derive happiness thinking about what will happen after you die if you aren't happy with yourself as you are alive?

live life for life, not for a eulogy and an epitaph.

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