chaz720.net - journal

December 23, 2000

love, I get so lost, sometimes. days pass and this emptiness fills my heart. when I want to run away I drive off in my car; but whichever way I go I come back to the place you are. all my instincts, they return. and the grand facade, so soon will burn. without a noise, without my pride, I reach out from the inside. in your eyes, the light the heat; in your eyes, I am complete. in your eyes, I see the doorway to a thousand churches. in your eyes, the resolution of all the fruitless searches; in your eyes I see the light and the heat. in your eyes, oh, I want to be that complete. I want to touch the light the heat I see in your eyes. love, I don't like to see so much pain. so much wasted, and this moment keeps slipping away. I get so tired of working so hard for our survival. I look to the time with you to keep me awake, and alive. and all my instincts, they return. and the grand facade, so soon will burn. without a noise, without my pride, I reach out from the inside. in your eyes, the light the heat, in your eyes, I am complete. in your eyes, I see the doorway to a thousand churches. in your eyes, the resolution of all the fruitless searches; in your eyes, I see the light and the heat. in your eyes, oh, I want to be that complete. I want to touch the light, the heat I see in your eyes... in your eyes...

Everytime I hear that song I get the image of John Cussak in the movie Say Anything standing outside the house of the girl his in love with holding a stereo over his head with that song playing, and I remember how much I loved that scene. How perfect he would feel if it worked, if the person he was in love with loved him back too. I must say, I know many girls who have seen that movie and started balling when they saw that scene, so guys. If you really like a girl, and you are having troubles, get yourself a stereo, and go stand outside in the rain with the most beautiful song you can find. if you need help e-mail me

Over the past year I have had a great deal of songs that I have posted in my journal. And you may be wondering, "champu, how do you pick all these great songs to post in your journal?" and I may answer you, it depends. A while ago back in oh, March and April, I would pick a song at the end of the day that kinda summed up how I felt that evening. It was pretty simple, it was usually just a song that I had heard that day and I felt that I agreed with it and wanted to share it with everyone. Not a real scientific process by any means. Now I usually just listen to music whenever I'm at my computer and if a song comes up that I like but don't remember having in my journal I will listen to it and try to get as many of the lyrics that I can from it, and if for some reason I can't understand some of the lyrics I will look them up. Then I stick it in my journal and try to figure out why I like that particular song. Some people may like it and not know why, and it may be for that reason, it may be for some other reason too. Or they may just not really care for that song too much. In any case, I like to know why I like things, it makes it easier for me to tell when something changes. I think we feel more in control of ourselves if we can explain our beliefs to others, maybe we help justify our beliefs by explaining them to others. If we are unable to convince someone else that what we believe is valid, then how can we hold any validity in that belief? The more I think about things like this, the more I feel like humans are like a predefined program of some rather obvious goals. people don't want to be lonley in their lives, or in their beliefs. I think that, given in an overly generalized way, people fulfil their need to share beliefs with their friends. And people fill their need to not be lonley in their lives with their mate. Obviously sharing beliefs means you will need to be around your friends, but the fact that it is very easy to keep friends over long distances and not so much girlfriends/boyfriends over long distances suggests that being near friends is not as important as being close to your partner. Hence, you are fulfilling your need to simply have another close to you through your mate.

I played tekken tag tournament for the playstation2 for almost 8 hours last night, and I just have to say that Eddy Gordo owns... yes I have begun the search for mental help already, thank you for your concern.

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