chaz720.net - journal

January 31, 2001

One of us won't last the night, between you and me it's no surprise. There's two of us, both can't be right. Neither will move till it's over. I'm the center of attention in the wall's inside my head. And no one will ever no it if I keep my mouth shut tight. My own little world is what I deserve Cause I am the only child there is. A king of it all, the belle of the ball. I promise I've always been like this. Forever the first, my bubble can't burst. It's almost like only I exist. Where everything's fine, if I can keep my mouth shut tight...tight...tight. All by myself, I'm so much better on my own. And way out there, it is the same old place that it always has been. I'm the center of attention in the wall's inside my head. And no one will ever know it if I keep my mouth shut tight..tight...tight. My own little world is what I deserve. Cause I am the only child there is. A king of it all, the belle of the ball. I promise I've always been like this. Forever the first, my bubble can't burst. It's almost like only I exist. Where everything's fine, if I can keep my mouth shut tight...tight...tight. One of us won't last the night, between you and me it's no surprise. There's two of us, both can't be right. Neither will move till it's over. I'm the center of attention in the wall's inside my head. And no one will ever no it if I keep my mouth shut tight. Yeah, no one will ever notice if I keep my mouth shut tight...tight...tight. My own little world is what I deserve. Cause I am the only child there is. A king of it all, the belle of the ball. I promise I've always been like this. Forever the first, my bubble can't burst. It's almost like only I exist. Where everything's mine, if I can keep my mouth shut tight...tight...tight

Well when you speand day after day not know what day it is exactly, your life will tend to run away with you. And when you spend too much time learning and writing code, it will run away with your time. I see that the last day this was updated was the 29th but I can't put a series of events between then and now, it's like it is all foggy, and I can just see that I have been doing work and been occupied the entire time. I haven't stopped to smile in the past few days, and I just now slowed down for a few hours to relax and listen to music again. And as I clam down a bit, the events of the last few days are falling back into place.

I have sleeping whenever it's convienient rather than by any particular schedule. I've been getting a total of eight hours of sleep every 24 hour period I've just been doing it four hours at a time, and it seems to be working for me, cause right now I don't feel all that tired. I think there is something to be said for sleeping when being tired calls for it, rather than sleeping to avoid being tired.

last night Jen came over and cooked stirfry won-tons for me, mmmm, great stuff. Leading us to categorize college food into a few categories:

food - this refers to "homecooked" food that is just like mother used to make for you, very good, very rare :)
junk - this refers to anything that -I- prepare for myself, this can include tacos, cheese burgers, fried/scrambled eggs, and occasionally some half-assed stirfry
crap - this refers to anything that Kraft or Cambells prepared for me
shit - at least once a week this is servered for dinner in the cafeteria downstairs
a meal - this is something I buy somewhere and while it's not always good for me it gets the job done.

Today my Difeq teacher was just off the wall. He was just, for lack of a better word, ecstatic. He was joking about everything, he was writing sentences on the board like, "Okay, so how do ya solve this thing?" after introducing a new type of equation. And when a teacher like this is just acting this happy it's contageous. You can't help but laugh at corny jokes when the teacher just seems like he's havinga good time. I get really sick of teachers that teach stuff to you like you are a better person for hearing every word that comes out of their mouth. They will speak as though they are telling you the location of a treasure and you are hanging on the next statement to find out how many paces you need to walk north before digging. My Difeq teacher was completely devoid of this attitude today. Someone asked him where a particular equation came from, and he said well, we can prove it here, but as far as where it originally came from... "someone who was smarter and/or had more free time than any of us here, but I'll bet they didn't have nearly as much fun on weekends as people like us do." I just thought that was really cool. He acts like he's explaining it all to a friend, not preaching it to the damned.

I was thinking again, and I came up with an interesting theory. I think men are inheirently perfectionists, and women are more easily satisfied. This may be completely contrary to what you may have previously believed. But it is very important to realize that by perfectionism, I don't mean that we get it perfect all the time. In fact it usually goes all wrong. If men weren't perfectionists, there would be no pressure for women to look beautiful. Men are always looking for that one extra quality, and even when they end up with someone that fits their dreams, they almost always have thoughts (not right away always) of people that might exist that would be even better for them. Meanwhile, women just assume have their guy put his cloths away in the hamper so he doesn't live like a complete pig. For this same reason it's male engineers that start out designing a ship like the Titanic, elegant in all of it's style and class. Women would have just designed a boat that didn't sink on it's way over here.

Finally one last thing made me laugh tonight. Out of nowhere RzE ICQs me and tells me that he is proud that I am a member of the CS community. I told him he should be proud that he is one of the major reasons I am even part of the CS community. He said he didn't believe me, so I went on to describe the whole rap song situation and why we wrote it and blah blah blah and we got into this whole argument about why I was a member of the CS community and were bitching at eachother. Man, that guy makes me laugh.

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