chaz720.net - journal

April 06, 2001

Are there times contagious? I've never been this bored before. Is this the prize I've waited for? Now as the hour passing There's nothing left here to insure. I long to find a messenger. Have I got a long way to run. Yeah...I run. Is this a cure among us From this processed sanity. I weaken with each voice that sings. In this world of purchase I'm going to buy back memories. To awaken some old qualities. Have I got a long way to run. Yeah...I run.

I recall a time way back when, I started this journal. Joel had been writing his journal, and he just made this new version of it. It had no character returns, it was just white on black text, and the only indication of a new entry was simply a ||. Since then there have many changes and it has taken on many forms and over the year has seen many face lifts. But now, finally, it has evolved to an all time high-state, please be kind and pay it a visit

Well, usually my favorite season is spring for a few reasons

no annoying insects
relatively low humidity
foliage growing back in
not scorching hot
some of the longest days

But this spring seems to be leaving a lot to be desired. Today was proably the fifth time or so it's been really warm out. Unfortunately, it was really warm, it was muggy, the trees are all still 'dead', and the motherf--king ladybugs are back again. I swear if we get over run with lady bugs in this place again...

Right now I am tired, I got eight hours of sleep last night, I ate my meals today, And I did a fair amount of walking (nothing major, but I got moving) and yet I'm just tired. I think I'm a bit worn out from the last couple weeks of large amounts of labs tests and homework, and I still have to write a paper for econ, a lab for engineering, and a decent amount of physics homework before I get to relax. It seems as though there is always some project, or some next big thing that is coming up that I have to get ready for, I get times of relaxation right after one goes by, but it's usually back to working again right away.

perhaps I allow things to loom over me a bit too much. Where is the line that says maybe you are planning just a bit far ahead? where is the line between the future and now? Knowing that you will have a good job, and have a home to go home to, and the comfort that you will meet someone is great, but there are times that a person just needs to just let go for a few hours, days, who knows, it's different for everyone. Hans spends a signifigant amount of his time playing snood, racing games, or quake. and when I'm not resting or doing homework, I am usually reading wedsites, watching animes that joel reccomends, while writing various code for this site. As fun as it is to have fruits, this machine isn't nearly as entertaining as it used to be. I haven't sent a new e-mail to anyone in almost 4 months, I've just been replying, and I've started maybe 10% of my aim conversations in that time. It seems like a huge protion of my time is spent talking to people that have questions for me. I realize that at least four of you that ask me questions often read this site, so dont' think that I mind, but it this stuff just kinda dawns on you after a while. I recieved 500 e-mails in the month of march, five hundred... and less than a quarter of them were from people that I know. I feel caught up in it. Like there is some element of it keeping me here.

This is another thing that people like to have freedom. Not only freedom to live how they want to live, but freedom to change the way they want to live. People love to believe that they are control of their lives and that their lives are not in control of them, but when things tie you somewhere, it makes you get, well, tired...

I think my problem with the current state of things is that I don't really make flash movies much anymore, and I don't play counter-strike anymore, and I don't find myself on irc that much, and yet all the other aspects of it just float around like I never 'left'. Oh well, this is, as joel would say, 'a high class problem'. Well, right now, I have some time before I have to do anything, I think I'm going to relax.

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