chaz720.net - journal

February 14, 2002

She comes to me at night when I'm sleeping. She comes to me when I'm alone. She comes to me, she holds my head when I'm crying. She comes to me, she shuts my eyes. She brings me home. But I'm not sleeping anymore... She tells me when you look at me, she tells me when you're lying. She tells me when you talk about me, she lays me on the floor. She tells me when you're whispering, she lies beside me naked. She tells me when you laugh at me, and she locks all the doors. But I'm not sleeping anymore... 1-2-3-4-5-6-7 am, all alone again. But I've been through all this shit before. Spend my nights in self-defense, cry about my innocence, but I ain't all that innocent anymore. I see her on the TV, I see her in the movies. I see her in these animals that dance beside my bed. I'll follow you down baby, down into this valley. I'll follow you down baby, but I won't come up again. I'm not sleeping anymore...

So close and yet so far away from the end of the semester...

I remember, somewhat, this summer falling into the evil clutches of repetition and having it play hell with my sanity from time to time. I would go to work the same 8 hours every day, and every day inevitably end up Hanging out with the same people and talking about nothing until god knows when. The weekends I'd go to Bill's and party to celebrate the end of, well, just another week, who cared what we were celebrating? But all else aside, at least then I could make a reasonable prediction that I was going to sleep every night of the week. I can't say that now.

Since Sunday night, straight up until about 7:30pm yesterday when I got done with a lab, I did nothing but homework, class, study for tests, and I slept a few hours at a time when it was convienient. I don't really have a problem with doing that so much as it usually makes for a change of pace, and gives you something to be happy you got through. However, in my current situation this fails to be a change of pace and has pretty much been the story of my Sunday through Wednesdays for the last month. So I aim to do something about it.

I talked to a guy in my ece313 class who shared my sentiment about having a feeling as though being a retarded toddler when doing the homework, and having it take a lot longer than it probably should. We came to the conclusion that we were also sick of doing it in the late hours on Monday and Tuesday night when other classes had their abundant supply of torture coiled up and ready to do business. So we're gonna start making a habit of meeting at the library or somewhere during the weekend to get that taken care of. Moving that out of the way will make doing physics and other ece work a descrete undertaking and really lighten the load the beginging of the week. And who knows, maybe I'll sleep at night again.

Oh right, and the obligitory "Happy Valentine's Day"...

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