chaz720.net - journal

June 05, 2002

So long ago, I don't remember when, that's when they say I lost my only friend. Well, they said she died easy of a broken heart disease, as I listened through the cemetery trees. I seen the sun comin' up at the funeral at dawn, The long broken arm of human law. Now, it always seemed such a waste, she always had a pretty face. I wondered why she hung around this place. Hey, come on try a little. Nothing is forever. There's got to be something better than in the middle. But me and Cinderella, we put it all together. We can drive it home with one headlight. She said it's cold, It feels like Independence Day, and I can't break away from this parade. But there's got to be an opening somewhere here in front of me, through this maze of ugliness and greed. And I seen the sun up ahead at the county line bridge, sayin' all there's good and nothingness is dead. We'll run until she's out of breath. She ran until there's nothin' left, she hit the end, it's just her window ledge. Well, this place is old, it feels just like a beat up truck. I turn the engine, but the engine doesn't turn. Well, it smells of cheap wine and cigarettes, this place is always such a mess. Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn. I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else. Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same. But somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin' dreams, I think of death, it must be killin' me...

I've been on this binge of throwing out old shit I'm finding around my room, in drawers, in cabinets and, when and if I ever get to it, my closet. I must have had some werid primal fear of throwing things out because I have found some of the most pointless crap in my possession. Old magazines, papers from as early as the sixth grade, toys that weren't fun then. I don't get it, I really don't. My method has been assume it's all garbage and pick out the things I actually want. So I reach in and throw everything out of the cabinet and drawer on the floor and look through for things that look worth something. I find books, a photograph or two, maybe a cable I can wrap up and hang on to for later use, and the rest is just all out junk.

I built myself a bedframe this weekend. I looked breifly at Ikea and all they have there is a bunch of beds that were much more elaborate than I was looking for, all I really needed was something to get the box spring and matress (at the time laying on the floor) off the ground about 6 inches so I didn't feel like I was laying on the ground. So I went over to home depot and picked up some 1x6s and got out the circular saw and cordless drill and in about an hour or so I had a bed. It feels really good to build shit, and the bed only costed about 25 bucks and it's the standard engineer's 20x stronger than it ever needs to be. I have this image of my basement in my eventual house and is definately going to have miter, table, and band saws accompanied by an assortment of tools and sanding equipment so I can build just anything I would ever want to nice and easily.

Still thinking about that damn mp3 changer... grr...

Coming up on 32 months that this rediculous thing has been up. It's gone through 4 designs during that time and a complete conversion to script management sometime around february of 2001. I don't know I was just looking at that for some reason. Good times...

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