chaz720.net - journal

October 02, 2002

I got greed, it's got me. I got freeze, it's on me. I can't breathe, I can't see, I just bleed, I just bleed. I can't see straight, I can't be straight. I just want a life of my own. I can't live hate, I don't want hate, I just want a life of my own. Yeah, I just want a life of my own. You walk away from me. My soul leaves, my soul breathes. My heart aches, the ground shakes. You can't beat it, you can't feed it.

Uh oh, here comes the days of off schedule sleeping and random clumps of tiredness again. I know this all too well from last semester. But it's what happens when you get a bunch of midterms that rear-end each other.

The ece229 homework thing worked out well so that's good.

We're still wondering what's to do about living next year. I'd just assume live here and David kinda feels the same way. I don't know about Kevin and I think Hans has to talk to his dad about it. To me if it ain't broken... however no more three sigs on a four bedroom apartment near-fiasco we had this year.

Hans and I, as best I gather, have seen an average of one accident a day along prospect on the way into town to got the store for the last week. I'd worry about it being a problem but most of the accidents seemed somewhat minor and that's usually caused by a pair of people just not paying attention at the same moment. But if you think about there being an accident almost every time we drive out there there's also that time we aren't driving out there, and boy how drivers around here like to not pay attention. I'm not sure what it is, but between cutting people off or driving around with their foot on the brake so the brake lights were on at all times, it's borderline intolerable, ah well can't kill everyone.

I sent my 4th e-mail to namesecure in 10 days and still haven't gotten the domain situation fixed. Right how I try to log into my accounr and change the domain name servers from my old host, but for some reason when I try to add my new host, their script tries to delete the namesecure servers (ordinarily the default) but since those servers aren't the ones I'm using, it errors and therefore doesn't let me do anything. The process is completely wedged and I need someone over there to kick the computer or something and unwedge it. This is a comodity I have yet to be afforded.

October 06, 2002

Fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars. Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars. In otherwords, hold my hand. In otherwords, baby kiss me. Fill my heart with song, and let me sing forevermore. You are all I long for, all I worship and adore. In other words, please be true. In otherwords, I love you. Fill my heart with song, let me sing forevermore. You are all I long for, all I worship and adore. In other words, please be true. In otherwords... In otherwords... I love... you.

I've had this song in my head all day, but you want to know the best part? I typed out the lyrics to it without listening to the song. Everyone should listen to Sinatra more. And Bobby Darin, definately going to have some Darin songs in the near future.

That makes me think back to how I do the lyrics here. I remember I used to always transcribe the lyrics sheet myself while listening to the song. But that was really only good back when I used to just do excerpts of songs. When I started doing whole songs I got lazy and started getting the lyrics from somewhere on the web. The only problem with that is, is that 90% of lyrics you find on the web have verses in them that are jumbled up, or just outright wrong and they have to be fixed. So for the most part now (when I don't just know the song by heart) I grab the lyrics and then read over them as I listen to the song and try and correct any glarring errors I find.

As I'm sure you know by know (seeing as you are reading this) my DNS has finally been updated and the new site is in action. This means two things, one: you probably missed most of my entries from september and might want to read those. two: I need to contact my old host and cancel my account so I don't waste any more money having two hosts. three: nothing, there is no third thing.

My sleeping has gone completely out of whack. I have a test Monday so I have to study for that, but other than that I think focusing on getting back to normal again will be my goal for the next day or two.

October 08, 2002

So I looked in your direction, But you paid me no attention, do you? I know you don't listen to me, 'cause you say you see straight me, don't you? On and on from the moment I wake, To the moment I sleep, I'll be there by your side, Just you try and stop me. I'll be waiting in line, Just to see if you care. Did you want me to change? But I change for good. And I want you to know. But you always get your way, I wanted to say, Don't you Shiver? Shiver, Shiver. I'll always be waiting for you, So you know how much I need ya, But you never even see me, do you? And this is my final chance of getting you? And it's you I see, but you don't see me. And it's you I hear, so loud and clear. I sing it loud and clear. And I'll always be waiting for you,. So I look in your direction, But you pay me no attention, And you know how much I need you, But you never even see me.

It's funny that PA would mention how much they hate the current state of peer-to-peer music stea- I mean file transfer programs, and then I'd have so much trouble getting a decent copy of this song to listen to. Why must people feel the need to disconnect in the middle of a transfer? I guess too many people see the whole file sharing thing as one-sided, when people download from them it is to piss them off but when they download from other people they are downloading from "the magical internet where the files appear at will". These people are known as "selfish bastards".

Jim Miller: Retard

What can anyone really even say about the Bears anymore? I mean it doesn't get more frustrating then when you lose a games by the number of points that your quarterback literally handed the other team on a silver platter with filly little paper things, little pieces of parcley, a pre-interception cocktail and an after-touchdown mint. Between Miller's execution and John Shoop's play calling the Bears get less work done than union laborers on a saturday afternoon sittin' on the side of the highway. I think if Shoop was sitting on the side of the highway holding a sign that says "will run your ball club into the ground for food" we'd all be better off. 3rd and 20? why don't we run a 4 yard screen play? Hmm, 3rd and 1? throw it 15 yards into heavy coverage. Redzone offense? too much pressure, just through interceptions, that'll keep the defense off of you. Argh, get's me angry

So anyway, my microbio test went pretty well today, it's hard to tell how I actually did because half the questions where of the format "here are five statements, pick which ones are true. 1,2; 1,2,3; 1,2,4; 2,4,5; 3,5;" Those are just annoying cause inevitably you get to one where you pick two you think sound right and go look and they aren't paired together anywhere, then your confidence is completely shot and you have to start tearing apart the sentences to find a set that sound okay, and are a valid combination. Ah well, the material wasn't too bad, mostly cramming notes into your head and then coughing them back up come test time. I still don't like tests like that too much.

My next exam is next Tuesday in ece229, that ought to be entertaining. Like all my engineering classes I'm less worried about the actual material we are meant to learn and more about my inability to perform goofy tricks in calculus to get past certain steps in problems at my whim. I never understood the obsession with writing tests that do this, it's like some kind of cruel joke or something. Although having met all the professors for this class, they all seem very reasonable and might not do that to us, I'll have to wait and see.

October 09, 2002

You never give me your money, you only give me your funny paper. And in the middle of negotiations, you break down. I never give you my number, I only give you my situation. And in the middle of investigation, I break down. Out of college, money spent, see no future, pay no rent. All the money's gone, nowhere to go. Any jobber got the sack, Monday morning, turning back. Yellow lorry slow, nowhere to go. But oh, that magic feeling, nowhere to go. Oh, that magic feeling, nowhere to go. Nowhere to go. Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh... Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh... Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh... One sweet dream, pick up the bags and get in the limousine. Soon we'll be away from here. Step on the gas and wipe that tear away. One sweet dream came true today. Came true today. Came true today. (Yes it did) One two three four five six seven, All good children go to Heaven.

I breeeeeeeeeeak Doooooooooooown

Hah, yeah as I've no doubt mentioned before, I am an avid snoozer. So much so that I set my alarm for an hour before class and usually snooze til :35. Then get up and make with the morning routine. For some reason I decided I'd like to have another five minutes to grab a bagel or something so I set my alarm for 1:05 before my class starts. Unfortuntely, as my more rational side suggested to me in the first place, this didn't have me wake up at :30, but rather :37. I guess there's no defeating an object at rest.

Chocolate Almond Crunch Pocky, don't even get me started.

My concerns about the nature of the ece229 test were alieviated by finding that we get both a page of notes and a calculator for it. Woohoo! no worrying about stupid calculus tricks. Is it possible that I am finally at a point where the professors are simply just tired of being jackasses? One can only hope. Because if this keeps up I could really stand to enjoy the next few semesters of classes. I also got results back from my matse test, and I did pretty well. He gave us a take home addendum that we can use to get ten points back on the test if we choose to do it, and doing it could net me an A on the test, so yeah I'm definately doing that, I don't have anything else I have to work on tonight anyway.

This weekend I'm definately looking forward to. My parents are coming down so that means two nice dinners out :D :D. Oh yes and it will be great to see them and everything... We are going to the Illinois game against P-due on saturday afternoon, hopefully we'll win but I really have no idea what's going to happen. Then, Sunday night I have tickets to the Incubus concert here in town, so that will be great, Leandra tells me they put on a really good live show, and I think Joel says the same, I'm not really sure because I don't always "listen" to joel, per se, when he's talking to me.

October 14, 2002

I'm born. I'm alive. I breathe. In a moment or two I realize, that the sphere upon which I reside, is asleep on its feet. should I go back to sleep? You stare at me like a vitamin On the surface you hate, but you know you need me. I'll come dressed as any pill you deem fit. Whatever helps you swallow truth all the more easily. We orbit the sun. I grow up my open eyes see... A zombified, somnambulist society. Leaving us as vitamins for the hibernating human animal. Do you, do you, do you see what I mean? And I wonder, will you digest me? Into the sleep machine I won't plug in, in fact I'd rather die before I will comply. To you, my friend, I write the reason I still live, 'cause in my mind it's set the vitamin is ripe to give. Coming closer to another 2000 years, you and I will pry the closed eye of the sleep machine.

One of the three songs I would have liked to see them play in addition to what they did. (Vitamin, New Skin, and Deep Inside, all from SCIENCE) But beyond that it's hard to say anything bad. They played just about everything else I wanted to hear and they mixed it up with the set bringing out couches during one part for the acustic Mexico. When they came back out for the encore they spent about 5 minutes just kinda having a funky jam session before Brandon came back which was really cool. The opening band was called "Home Town Hero" whom we purposely showed up late to avoid.

The parents were in town and we had dinner a couple times (mmm, duck) and saw the Illinois-Purdue game. It was a really good game and we ended up winning in overtime. Which has a hidden bonus in that I don't have to go to my micro-bio class tomorrow. While they were in town they picked up several illinois t-shirts because most of the ones they have are from when Lauren was a freshman and are getting worn out. I managed to sneak a couple in for myself while they weren't paying attention, shh, don't say anything. But yeah, overall a fun weekend.

Saturday night I started to go out with some people but that ended up falling apart because Murphy's was packed and was charging cover to get in because of Dad's weekend. So half the group went to go meet someone that we didn't know, one of Andy's brothers, so we didn't really want to just be tagalongs. Later I think Hans went to an afterhours which I opted out of as I predicted, correctly I am informed, that it would be kinda boring.

I went to a review session today for my ece229 test on tuesday. I feel pretty good in general about it, the review session didn't offer anything surprising and it was made up of going over previous exams. I think I'm going to put my crib sheet together tomorrow as I have all afternoon to do so. And then depending on how I feel there is another review session tomorrow evening that my professor is holding to answer questions. I don't think this test is going to be as hard as some of the tests I've had in, for example, ece290 or ece210.

Starfox Adventures is turning out to be a really cool game despite the fact that if you stand back and look at what's going on you realize you are the pawn in a demeaning treasure hunt. The worlds you go through, the visuals, and the cool fighting system make the game fun to play, however. It's also really nice because you can save it at any time if you need to, oh I don't know, get to class because you suddenly realize your class starts in 5 minutes and you've been playing the game the last two hours.

My amount of energy I've had, and my patterns of sleep have been completely unexplainable and generally bad the last couple weeks, I hope I can fix it in the near future. Hans suggests we get up early and run before we have class to get blood going to start out the day, which might not be a bad idea. It is starting to get a little cold outside so we'd prolly have to run in sweats, but if it'll curb my "I'm tired so I sleep now" irregularities then I'd be all for it. Now where did I put those running shoes...

October 17, 2002

The problem is all inside your head she said to me. The answer is easy if you take it logically. I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free. There must be fifty ways to leave your lover. She said it's really not my habit to intrude. Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued. But I'll repeat myself at the risk of being crude. There must be fifty ways to leave your lover. Fifty ways to leave your lover. You just slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. You don't need to be coy, Roy. Just get yourself free. Hop on the bus, Gus. You don't need to discuss much. Just drop off the key, Lee. And get yourself free. She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain. I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again. I said I appreciate that and would you please explain about the fifty ways. She said why don't we both just sleep on it tonight, And I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light. And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right, there must be fifty ways to leave your lover. Fifty ways to leave your lover.

Wow, this week has turned out to be much more of a pain in the ass than I expected, but the good news is that it is almost over, and I have two weeks with no tests after my month or so I've just had averaging two tests a week on top of all my other junk I have to do everyday.

This week was/is two assignments for ece229, a test in ece229, an assignment in matse200, an assignment for cs173, an assignment in nres100, and a test in nres100. The only class that hasn't produced any work this week was, as always, mcbio100, whose only grades come from the midterms/final. But like I said, the week is almost over, just one more of those ece229 assignments due tomorrow that I have left to do.

Last night I atttempted to defeat my sinues with the assistance of Sudafed, but they were not to be phased in the least - I got, essentially, no sleep last night as a result. This morning I woke up and took some dayquil and even it, the mother of all cold medicines, has failed to get rid of what are for all I know, small, evil, snot-producing gnomes currently dwelling in my nose and forehead. So I simply blow my nose once every minute or so and yet get nowhere as the damned gnomes work very fast.

Starfox Adventure Update: still fun.

Still not sure about living arangements for next year, Kevin, Hans, and I wouldn't mind living here again next year but David really want's to lease a house. I got nothing against that really, a house would be cool, but we gotta get on it. So maybe this weekend sometime we can stop by CPM, etc and see what kinda places they have (where? parking? cost? etc?) Right now though inertia is king and I'm kinda thinking live here again.

October 18, 2002

A decade ago, I never thought I would be, At twnety-three, on the verge of spontaneous combustion. Woe-is-me. But I guess that it comes with the territory, An omnious landscape of never-ending calamity. I need you to hear, I need you to see, that I have had all I can take and exploding seems like a definate possibility to me. So pardon me while I burst into flames. I've had enough of this world and it's people's mindless games. So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame. Pardon me, pardon me... I'll never be the same. Not two days ago, I was having a look in a book, and I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees. I said, "I can relate," cause lately I've been thinking of combustion. As a welcomed vacation from the burdens of the planet Earth. Like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D... And thinking so much differently.

Yay for the album Make Yourself...

I was ripping some cds that david had and came across his cd for canon's photostitch software. I suddenly remembered that I had those panoramic photos from montana that I never bothered to merge together, so by the marvels of modern technology I bring you, some pretty cool photos. T-B,L-R: A view overlooking the visitor's center and boardwalk up to hidden lake, The Hungry Horse Dam and Resevoir, two views from the road leading to the continental divide, flathead lake

I would put them in the photos section but the thumbnails would end up being tiny-ass, so I'll just stick them here. I'm not going to really be adding that many panoramic images very often so this is fine too.

So far I've done really really well on all my midterms, so I'm gonna knock on wood here but I could very possibly get straight As this semester. yay, /pats self on back.

Such crazy insomnia lately, I've been tired but when I finally get to sleep, I can't cause I have a cold and it keeps me up. (I know I know, "whaaaaaaa") tonight I don't really have to get up tomorrow so NyQuil is going to get it's shot in the ring with the evil snot-gnomes from hell, I'll let you know how the fight goes.

October 23, 2002

And she was lying in the grass. And she could hear the highway breathing. And she could see a nearby factory. She's making sure she is not dreaming. See the lights of a neighbor's house, now she's starting to rise. Take a minute to concentrate, and she opens up her eyes. The world was moving and she was right there with it. (and she was) The world was moving she was floating above it. (and she was) And she was drifting through the backyard. And she was taking off her dress. And she was moving very slowly, rising up above the earth. Moving into the universe, and she's drifting this way and that. Not touching ground at all, up above the yard. She was glad about it... no doubt about it. She isn't sure where she's gone. No time to think about what to tell them. No time to think about what she's done, and she was. And she was looking at herself. And things were looking like a movie. She had a pleasant elevation. She's moving out in all directions. Joining the world of missing persons. (and she was) Missing enough to feel alright. (and she was)

It's blast from the past Wednesday bringing you those hits you wish had been systematically destroyed.

The king of all things obsessive compulsive has come up with a new way of getting to mp3s. It stems from the fact that while in my car I prefer to listen to a shuffle of a bunch of similar music by various bands as one would get from a playlist of a couple hundred songs on shuffle, where as at home I'd rather listen to albums as I read or do homework. Unforunately the easiest thing to deal with would be the exact opposite of that, but I have my way now. When ripping albums I just have everything kinda dump into d:\mp3 so that I can make the mp3 discs for my car easily, but I have CDex make playlists for the album and stick them in an albums folder so I can listen to the albums nice and easily, everyone wins (all of my multiple personalities.)

Anyway, I have my classes picked out for next semester and I'm waiting for the reg date to come around so I can finalize them. three ece classes and a cs class, so it's going to be a far cry from my current situation involving microbio, earthcare, and descrete math. I seem to expand my ability to work (elasticly as opposed to plasticly) to fit the needs of a given semester pretty well so I've determined that really any semester I take is not going to feel that different from the next in the long run. But at least now I'm really heavily specializing so getting into my classes will be nice and easy. Plus apparently I'm a senior which is news to me, but whatever, if it means I can sign up for classes a week earlier than everyone else I'll take it.

A bunch of bands are coming through here including Better Than Ezra (thanks Leandra for the link) so I think I'm going to get some tickets. They might be Giants is playing soon, but although I like their music I'm not sure I could stand an entire concert. Dave is coming to Assembly Hall too, but I think it's too late to get in the lottery to buy tickets for that, it's funny cause the more I think about this the more I realize the number of people that of told me he was coming to U of I in the past few months. I must just be retarded. Other concerts I wouldn't mind getting reminded of if they come anywhere near here are Radiohead and Coldplay. No idea if they ever will though. One can always hope.

Meanwhile I'm fulling enjoying my little vacation here, not from classes and work but from tests. I'd like to take a moment to assure everyone out there still stuck taking tests in these couple weeks here that, yes, not having tests is as good as it seems to you right now. :D

October 28, 2002

Up an early for the hope of a brand new day. See a homie you ain't seen since back in the day. Fresh haircut fitted wit a fat ass fade. End of work, we chilling on a Saturday. How you felt when you first heard the data came. Rakim KRS hey I had that tape. Cooling out with a girl on a fat ass date. Find a hundred dollar bill wow man that's great. Get promoted at your job up to management. Plot a long time finally a plan has made it. Time I feel I wanna shout, man its real that way. Wanna think of things that make you feel that way. Christmas day when your mamma got your first bike. Type of feeling when you went and when your first fight. How your team felt winning championship games. Celebrate in a huddle dancing in this rain. Have a thought see a shooting star cross your screen. Put in hard work finally your living your dream. Deaf man get his hearing now in come vibes. Blind man get sight see his first sunrise. Dumb man speaking out, now he's load and clear. Earth through your chout smile so proud ya wear. Going in your third eye for the styles ya hear. Making music that'll bump for a thousand years. Eating right feeling conscience like health is first. Said a prayer that's sincere and you felt it work. Times I feel I wanna shout, man it's real that way. When I'm thinking things that make you feel that way. All up in her vibe something coming over me. Summer days more likely that you notice breezes. Winter days more likely that you notice heat. When I'm warm more likely that you notice me. In the dark it's more likely that you notice light. In the light more likely that you notice night. Hungry more appreciation for that meal. Dead broke more appreciation for that grill. A bad day'll make you really notice ones that's good. And that'll make things a little better understood. Times I feel I wanna shout, man it's real that way. When I think of things that make you feel that way. Make you feel that way...

Ah, yet another week of not having to worry about tests, life is good...

All my classes have been really easy lately with the exception of cs173. I mean, I'll probably end up with an A or a B in that class, but I can't take it as seriously as some of the people in there do. Reading the newsgroup trying to grab a hint or two on starting some of the homework problems I was unable to do, I notice people that are meeting up at locations on campus at 2 in the morning the night before the homework is due. Who does that? if you wait that long to do the homework you probably don't care about it enough to actually meet up with people and get anything done. They prolly got together, all copied what they could from each other and sat around for a while ripping on the class. Which I suppose I don't have a problem with as it is a clearly just a compsci weed-out class, but really I just can't bring myself to care if I can put up with a quarter of the crap and just get a B as opposed to an A.

Living for next year, this place has essentially been ruled out if not for it's filling up very fast, then because david is die-hard against living here again and we don't want to get into a 3-man lease again. I finally just started making appointments to view places for next year. I've officially shitcanned the house idea unless one magically falls in our lap somehow. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't have minded living in a house or anything, but I'm simply not going to live somewhere where I have to drive to all my classes, and the houses within walking distance of campus are leased already. So now we are just kinda purusing apartments in the area and there are a few that look pretty cool and are notably less expensive than living here, which is always welcome, more money for other things...

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