chaz720.net - journal

May 08, 2003

Faith, you're driving me away; you do it everyday. You don't mean it, but it hurts like hell. My brain says im receiving pain; a lack of oxygen from my life support, my iron lung. We're too young to fall asleep; too cynical to speak. We are loosing it, can't you tell? We scratch our eternal itch, our twentieth century bitch, and we are grateful for our iron lung. The head shrinkers, they want everything. My uncle Bill... My Belisha beacon... Suck, suck your teenage thumb; toilet trained and dumb. When the power runs out, we'll just humm. This, this is our new song. Just like the last one, a total waste of time: my iron lung. And if you're frightened, you can be frightened, you can be. It's OK.

Well classes are over (officially, not technically as a professor of mine moved a class to tonight because he was out of town) and all that's left are a few finals.

I have the housing all set and settled for this summer, so if you want my address/phone there, just send me an e-mail or a messge through my comments and I'll let you have it. I'll be there starting in a little over a week.

My ece249 project worked perfectly to our spec (yay) so we should do well on that, and I'll prolly have an A in that class. There were a number of things that I had fixed in it over last weekend without actually testing any of it on the board. Including a couple changes I call "duct tape" fixes, or work-arounds. When I got to the lab to do the demoing, one of the work-arounds I applied, and another problem that made no sense and I had grown content to live with appeared to have fixed themselves through my other changes or an act of god or something. So it took some time to remove the duct tape so-to-speak, but then it worked fine.

Our TAs and neighboring classmates got into a bit of a heated competition over the high score on our game. The record is (and forever will be as the game is now disassembled) held by yours truly at a whopping 254/300. Once again prooving that I am, in fact, the greatest person alive.

I've been doing everything but study today (I mean c'mon, I'm even writing an entry, how often does that happen anymore?) Including getting delicious breakfast at Merry Ann's, Taking my drug screening test for the big M, and making sure to download all the homework solutions off of the spring course websites for classes that I will be taking next semester. (good thinking Hans :P)

Well, I should get going I suppose. Three of my classes are 40%, 40%, and 35% unaccounted for grade-wise at the moment, so I should tend to that matter. I will now leave you to the re-runs.

May 16, 2003

I walked around my good intentions and found that there were none. I blame my father for the wasted years; we hardly talked. I never thought I would forget this hate, then a phone call made me realize I'm wrong. If I don't make it known that I've loved you all along. Just like the sunny days that we ignore because we're all dumb & jaded. And I hope to God I figure out what's wrong. I walked around my room not thinking, just sinking in this box. I blame myself for being too much like somebody else. I never thought I would just bend this way, then a phone call made me realize I'm wrong.

Last entry from this apartment!

Also, finals are over, this room is almost bare (all that's left is this computer and some boxes stacked on top of the shelves that I'm going to store here in spite of the sublessee. The semester went and ended itself in a big hurry and this morning I'll be on my way to Florida for the summer.

I'm taking a break from packing stuff to write this so it'll prolly be somewhat brief.

Finals went pretty much as I figured, I did about as well as I did on any of the tests during the semester I'd say, so none of my grades are going to change much. I'm looking at two A and two B/B+ so overall not a bad haul. Considering the kind of work I put in I feel pretty good about that, so I can say the semester was successful. Next semester will be hard work as well, but hopefully I'll get similar results.

Kristen decided that she had to be involved in the Red Bull Fl�gtag so I helped her draw up a sketch of prolly the most ridiculous "aircraft" ever concieved. With any luck, she, David, and Sam will get to throw this thing off a peir along with Hans at the controls come August 9th. I originally agreed to be the hapless pilot, but unfortunately I won't be back from Florida in time to partake. Anyway, I'll hook you up with more details if our design gets picked to participate in this insanity. If not, well, the powers that be simply don't know what they're missing.

I will join you next time from the sunny, palm-tree filled, far away from everyone, Florida... goodnight kiddies.

May 18, 2003

I seem to recognize your face. Haunting, familiar, yet I can't seem to place it. Cannot find the candle of thought to light your name. Lifetimes are catching up with me. All these changes taking place... I wish I'd seen the place, but no one's ever taken me, Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away... I swear I recognize your breath. Memories, like fingerprints, are slowly raising. Me, you wouldn't recall, for I'm not my former. It's hard when your stuck upon the shelf. I changed by not changing at all, small town predicts my fate. Perhaps that's what no one wants to see. I just want to scream...hello... My god its been so long, never dreamed you'd return. But now here you are, and here I am. Hearts and thoughts they fade...away...

1400 miles later...

The drive down wasn't nearly as bad as people were having me believe it was going to be. The only hitches being a section of I-24 in TN that was closed all the way down to the shoulder where they had just put a bunch of gravel to make a new shoulder and everyon was going 15mph, the other being that of the 360 miles or so of I-95 about half of it was under construction.

I don't recall how adamately I described the craziness of roads in Georgia the last time I got back from driving through there, so I'll elaborate a tad. This is the only place that I know of where you can come to a sign at an intersection, and not only be unsure of where you are, and where you are going, but also raise doubts about where you thought you just came from. I'm driving south on route 129 (or so I imagined) and I come to an intersection. To my left, a sign for 129 south, to my right, a sign for 129 north, straight ahead? a more cryptic sign that simply read 129 with no direction associated with it. Each had three or four other routes as well, but I tried to focus on the pertinent information. I thought, "hey I want to go south." so I turned left. After a few miles of driving, I shit you not, I ended up at this same intersection again. This time, 129 north to the left, 129 south to the right, and 129 straight ahead again. I felt like I was in the lost forest playing Zelda, I'm like okay, I whistled the little do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do tune and turned right.

This apartment is really something else. It makes our Champaign apartment look ghetto. This bedroom is bigger than mine back in Inverness, and the whole place is really well funrnished. (think hotel room as big as an apartment) I'll take pictures later this evening, first I'll prolly get something to eat somewhere. The only problem I had with it was that all I knew was my apartment number, unfortunately, there are nine buildings in this complex that have apt 104s so I just walked around looking from building to building trying to find mine. Hey, it only took me half the buildings, so whatever.

So far I've located: the apartment, a strip mall with a publix, the motorola compound, and the fastest route to get to the atlantic ocean (actually, just the same street that I work on.)

I've already had my first "gecko on the door handle" encounter. Presumably sitting on it cause it was cool due to air-conditioning. I think he jumped higher than I did when we noticed each other though.

tomorrow, after work, I'm going to the beach :P

May 21, 2003

Nothing left to say. And all I've left to do is run away from you. And she led me on, down with secrets I can't keep. Close your eyes and sleep. Don't wait up for me. Hush now, don't you speak to me. Wrapped my hurt in you, and took my shelter in that pain. The opiate of blame is your broken heart, your heart. So now I'm all by myself, as I've always felt. I'll betray my tears to anyone caught in our ruse of fools. One last kiss for me... yeah, one last kiss good night. Didn't want to lose you once again, didn't want to be your friend. Fulfilled a promise made of tin, and crawled back to you. I'm all by myself, as I've always felt. I'll betray myself to anyone lost. Anyone but you. So let the sadness come again. On that you can depend on me, yeah. Until the bitter, bitter end of the world... yeah, when god sleeps in bliss. And I'm all by myself, as I've always felt. And I'll betray myself to anyone.

Well, in the first few days at work I�ve met quite a few things I had expected, but also some things I was, rather pleasantly, surprised by. Of course there were the standard issue problems with getting a phone, computer, accounts, e-mail (e-mail is still ongoing) but for the most part solutions are coming. What I was impressed by is how quickly I�ve come to know most of the people I�m working with, as they�ve all been quick to extend their hands. This all might be due, at least in part, to my desk location. This is where Gema, the department secretary of sorts, used to sit, and there is a lot of foot traffic there. Combined with the open walls of the cube, people just see you more than when you are in a corner with the highest walls in the area. I myself like this better, being a familiar face is a good thing as far as I�m concerned.

Also, the projects I�ll be working on (I have two so far, with more to come) are really interesting. Plus I�ve been helping the others conduct tests in the lab, and I�ve used more signal processing and electrical engineering knowledge in the last two days than I did in the last two summers. I even got to frankenstein a demo device today adding various wires hanging out of it to make points to hook lab equipment up to which was fun. As before I�m not really going to go into detail concerning my projects, but I assure you I think there are interesting, so naturally they must be.

I admit I was somewhat shocked to see I had done as well as I had on my ece310 final. I came out of that test somewhere between morbid curiosity and apathy due to it all being over. But, apparently what I did write for the ones I wasn�t sure of went pretty far, and I ended up with an A- in the class. So, still waiting to hear back about my course grade for ece340. This is the class in which the TA seems to have broken the grade book, first entering exam grades, next hiding them, then falling out of communication entirely for the last four days. If I had to guess I�d say I got a B+ though, believe me I�m not losing sleep.

So I lied, I didn�t go to the beach yesterday, it was a bit overcast and I was earnestly tired at the end of the day. Current plans involve the beach on Saturday. For now I have a couple panoramic shots I patched together the other day elaborating the area where I live front and back.

May 24, 2003

When they beat on a broken guitar, and on the streets they reek of tropical charms. The embassies lie in hideous shards where tourists snore and decay. When they dance in a reptile blaze you wear a mask, an equatorial haze. Into the past a colonial maze, where there's no more confetti to throw. You wouldn't know what to say to yourself, love is a poverty you couldn't sell. Misery waiting, in vague hotels, to be evicted. You're out of luck. You're singing funeral songs to the studs, they're anabolic and bronze. They seem to strut in their millennial fogs 'til they fall down and deflate. You wouldn't know what to say to yourself, love is a poverty you couldn't sell. Misery waiting, in vague hotels, to be evicted. Now you've had your fun under an air-conditioned sun. It's burned into your eyes, leaves you plain and left behind. See them eyes and fall into the jaws of a pestilent love. You wouldn't know what to say to yourself, love is a poverty you couldn't sell. Misery waiting, in vague hotels, to be a victim.

So less about Motorola and more about Florida, yeah?

I went to sleep at 2am last night and still only woke up at 9. Having failed in my plans to sleep in, I took a look outside and saw it was a really nice day. Eastward! To the beach! so I hopped on Sunset Blvd and headed out to the beach. It takes about 25 minutes to get out there and get parked. I snagged a meter just off the strip that still had about 3 hours on it, and just kinda went walking. I walked along the surf for almost an hour and a half and enjoyed the wind and almost getting knocked over by waves. It was excellent.

I spotted a restaurant across the street and decided to get something to eat. I got a grilled grouper sandwidch (my first in altogether way too long) and remembered quickly why I love them so. That picture up top I took right outside the restaurent. You can see the couple of panoramic shots I took along the blvd here and here. (yes I realize the traffic looks ridiculous)

Now a few little random things about being down here...

Whoever said "when it rains it pours" was most likely from southern florida. It will very easily rain for 10 minutes and we'll get and inch and a half. Also the raindrops are generally not of trivial size, and can probably cause serious injury if you are not careful. The rain comes suddenly too and you'll feel like you are in a cartoon when a sudden loud crash of thunder out of nowhere is followed by instant monsoon-like downpour.

Driving around here is just wierd. Unless you are at a major intersection, there's no such thing as left turns. You always just drive to the next light and make U-turns to get where you are going. Some intersections actually have U-turn lanes to the left of the left turn lane. It's crazy. But it does allow every road to have a wide island with trees all along it, so I guess it's worth it.

I got hollered at on two occasions today by cars full of girls while I was walking along the blvd, but sadly neither of them stopped when I yelled back. Ah well what are you gonig to do?

May 29, 2003

14 hours ahead, a head that's heavier than lead. I've got toothpicks in my eyes, a smile more yellow than the sky. I've got a song stuck in my head, one that I miss more than my bed. It's a song sung from a fallen milkman, who's drinking bleach instead; I'm much like him. 14 hours unfed, I spent the last cents in my head. They're worth much less than pennies now, food for one thought shared with a crowd. and I've got a painting in my head, a deeper blue bled thicker red. More red than Bloody Marys coast to coast. I hate flying I said, that's what I said. Sad, sorry excuse... Just like everything that made her smile, and everything I use. I won't go back to the way it was. I'm now huffing gas and sniffing paint, to take away this buzz that I call you.

I went OCD on my apartment this afternoon. cleaning up cables behind my computer, moving shelves in the cabinets so that stuff actually fits convienently, and kinda adjusting furnature a bit. Usually this only happens when I have something else I really need to be doing... I wonder what it might be...

Anyway, talking to some other interns, it seems as though I'm the only one who doesn't have a washer and dryer. And at that I'm only 99.9% sure I don't have these things. the uncertainty comes from having discovered circuit breakers for these items in the panel. But unless I'm either insane, or the architects were and they put the washer and dryer in a hidden wall somewhere I can't find it. I feel like I'm going to open some drawer at some point I'm going to slip a switch or step on a plate and giant cartoon washer/drier will fall out of the ceiling on me.

When I left work the other day my car left a pretty wicked wake through the parking lot. It was sitting in about six inches of water, I prolly could have got a water skiier up behind me if I had wanted. Three cheers for water proof shoes! So yeah I should prolly find a different area of the lot to park if the rains keep up like this. My car has decent ground clearence but I really don't need soaked floor mats, thankyouverymuch.

So at some point or another one of the cords for my computer speakers got frayed pretty bad and it was fixed in a very ghetto fashion which is just now causing problems (this happened sometime in high school if I can remember) so I'll prolly bring it by work tomorrow and get it patched up OCD style.

So anyway, tomorrow I'm prolly gonna get a case of beer or something and invite over some of the other interns I've been going to lunch with to play cards, or maybe we'll go downtown or something, who knows... but something, I don't really care I'm pretty open, I'll let you know.

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