chaz720.net - journal

May 31, 2005

I'm becoming less defined as days go by, fading away. Well, you might say I'm losing focus. Kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself. Sometimes I think I can see right through myself. Less concerned about fitting into the world, your world that is. Because it doesn't really matter anymore. None of this really matters anymore. Yes I'm alone but then again I always was, as far back as I can tell. I think maybe it's because you never were really real to begin with, I just made you up to hurt myself... And it worked... Yes it did! There is no you, there is only me. There is no fucking you, there is only me. Only. The tiniest little dot caught my eye and it turned out to be scab and I had this funny feeling like I just knew it was something bad. I just couldn't leave it alone. Picking at that scab was a doorway trying to seal itself shut, but I climbed through. Now I am somehwere I am not supposed to be, and I can see things I knew I really shouldn't see. And now I know why (yea now I know why) things aren't as pretty on the inside.

My finals went fairly well and I got a pair of A minuses for the semester. Considering how I felt about those classes at times this semester, I'd say that's not too bad. At this stage in the game it isn't about grades, it's about learning what you need to learn and moving on. Decent to good grades are practically automatic.

My camera helmet should be here soon (hopefully, sheesh) which will be very welcomed. Flying camera is a skill that's technical in a way that I like, so learning to do it well is something I really look forward to.

I got nabbed on Saturday to compete on a 4-way RW team that didn't have enough people. The sad part? I had the most RW jumps of anyone on the team, and about 90% of my last 300 jumps have been freeflying. The hilarious part? I now have a silver medal for A class.

My overall volume of skydives seems to go up quite a bit when I don't have classes to deal with. In the last two weekends that I've jumped, I've done 36. However I did throw a trip to Chicago in there for good measure.

Speaking of which...

I had a lot of fun coming back to the windy city. I got to see the parents, and rather enjoyed sipping cognac in the living room and chewing the fat with my dad. I love that room in my parent's house. It's smack dab in the middle of the house without any real walls so you feel like you're in a wide open area. You step down into it, it's got a sound system so you can play background music, it's got a fireplace, it's got a bunch of really comfortable couches, and it doesn't have any other distractions like phones or televisions.

After a little stint in the �burbs (which included delicious italian beefs, delicious steak at Morton's, and delicious fish at Shaw's) I headed downtown. The days that ensued included two cubs games, many bars, dancing, drinking, random cab rides loaded with people, poker, Risk, shouting at cars off a balcony, Gino's pizza, and a graduation party for Bill catered by Portillos. I leave the chronological arraignment of the above events as an exercise for the reader.

Prior to leaving for Chicago, I cleaned up my place to avoid any kind of fruit fly infestation like those I've come home to in the past. And it worked quite well. The reason I mention it is that in the mere week and a half since then I've driven the "sty factor" of the apartment into territories on the scale previously unexplored. I think it be prudent to do something about that now.

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