chaz720.net
June 01, 2000
Ryan = broken. I don't know what the hell kind of a cold I have right now, but I just threw up what I'm pretty sure was blood. I feel a little better now but the headache is starting to get to me. So I'll be brief before I get rest. Today was my last day of school at ol' billy fremd. I still have a test to take for Mr Wyman, which I will find time for tomorrow. Today my parents found this novelty thing that is a plaque on the wall with a rubber fish mounted on it. There is a little button that when you press it, it plays music and it's tail wiggles. Then, every time there are lyrics in the song, the fishes front half leans out away from the wood, and it's lips move with the words. Cute I thought, real cute. So my dad sees this and sends me out to the store to buy 4 more of them because he wants to give them away as joke gifts to people he knows. Great. So we had an MWF game today, I was sick, my performance showed that, I don't know what else to say, sorry guys, I couldn't land a hit for anything tonight. So then we went to see Gladiator. That was a great movie. Probably the best movie I have seen since Braveheart, and definately the only one that I cried at the end. I brought up and interesting point at the end. I hope that the director of the movie believed strongly in the purpose of that movie, and didn't just try and make a blockbuster like so many other directors/producers try to do. I hope he did because I loved the honor in that movie. I definately reccomend that movie, especially to anyone who enjoyed Braveheart a great deal. Now I fear I must use NyQuil to induce a coma that will take me through the night, sleep well all.

June 02, 2000
Well, Ryan still = broken. Although on the bright side, I'm not coughing up blood anymore (always a good sign). I may go to the doctor tomorrow if I am still sick to get checked out and make sure that it was just some bad cold or something. Today we had graduation practice, which tought me one thing. We have some real winners in our school I'll tell ya'. One of the people who I am graduating next to can't just sit down, shut up, and listen for a couple friggin hours while we do graduation practice. I don't konw how in the hell I am going to put up with him for the several hours that graduation will take. Tonight I didn't really do anything, I really didn't want to, and I have no idea what anyone ended up doing. Gim stopped by to say hi, and to get his KGB spring-loaded nightstick out of my car cause he had left it there when we went to the movie yesterday. I still don't know why he always carries that thing, I guess he's just paranoid or something. My sister Leandra came home today, yay! my other sister will be here tomorrow. This is the first time we have al seen each other since winter break, and even that was only for a couple of days. I am so happy. Senior brunch was also today. Like prom, it was at the Wyndom (spelling?) hotel in Itasca. It is a really nice place, and they have pretty descent food there as well. The brunch was a lot of fun but it was really depressing to see the senior slide show, and all you see are the friends of the people who made it (along with the people who made it) I know damn well that there were a lot more people that entered in pictures but didnt' get their pictures entered due to it being to long and conjected with the same two dozen people, but oh well, what are you going to do about it. Mr. Bruce gave a really great and funny speech, followed by a little song about fremd memories that he wrote, he got a standing ovation, and I really feel sorry for Mrs. White who had to follow him and practically put everyone to sleep. All and all it was kinda a cool day with the exception of the fact that I don't feel well. But anyway, tonight I rebuilt my mom's copmuter. It turned out that it was the mainboard, which I ordered a new one and I replaced. Now the computer actually runs faster too, because I am running the system bus at 100 MHz instead of 66 MHz like most normal celerons are. I still have to get the little network to function again, but right now I am both too tired and sick to even care about that damn part of it right now. I don't even know when I got it, or that I had installed it, but run over to winamp.com and pick up the visualization plug-in called "G-force". It is an obvious rip-off of Geiss, but there are some cooler effects that this guy does, and it has a tendency to run a little better too, because it is written to take advantage of your videocard, and not just your cpu. Anyway, just give it a little look, it's really cool. One of the funniest Penny Arcade cartoons that they have released in a while, and I completely agree with the point they were trying to get across too. I think that we need to really watch where we put the blame of kid violence. I think it is a lot easier than it is accurate to blame things like video games, and inadaquate guns laws. Because in every single case where there have been school shootings, there have been several exsisting gun laws that have been broken. Making more gun laws is only going to affect the people who are obeying current gun laws, and are thus, already not randomly killing people. And I think that violent video games are one of the major reasons why we don't have more school shootings. Let's face it, since the founding of our coutry, we have had 20 major wars/conflicts. That's about one every decade or so. And we are due to have a war. Our generation is getting all messed up because we don't really mean anything in the grand scheme of things. What, are we to be called the "internet generation" please, that isn't an identity, that's something that will continue on. You don't call our grandparents the airplane generation, and we don't call our parents the nuclear bomb generation. Violent video games (at least for me, and probably for many others as well) doesn't create stress, it relieves it. And even when it gets very competative, it doesn't make the person feel that, "yeah, I could do that in real life and it would be okay because the video game tells me it's okay." Anyone who ever says the previous statement has more severe mental problems than just video games, and should seek help. Anyway, I'm getting long winded, and I have no real direction anymore, so I am going to have another NyQuil induced coma now. Goodnight.

June 03, 2000
Ryan still = broken. I am really getting tired of this whole "not well" thing. IT is really starting to get me upset, I can't talk worth a darn, and now my nose is all stuffed up too, damn it. I think I may be getting sicker, which sucks, because if my calculations are correct, if I continue to get sicker for long enough, I will eventually die. And right now, that doesn't really fit my schedule all that well. I will have to cheat death by ingesting large quantities of over the counter medication :P. I found that Triaminocol seems to work the best at handing my ass to me. I am going to go take some now, and then see if I can still get through the entire journal entry, please wait... ...okay I'm back Today I got to sleep in for the first time in about two weeks, and let me tell you, I really needed it. I haven't had much sleep partially because of my own fault, partially because of other circumstances, point being, I actually felt rested for once today. A note on that; I really need to stop sleeping during the day as much as I do, because when I do, I have a tendency to not be able to fall asleep that night because I won't be tired. Then when I have to get up in the morning I will be tired and thus need to sleep during the day. In otherwords, Vampire Syndrome. So anyway, someone stop me if I start trying to drink your blood, thank you. So I spent some of the day working on friends v2.0. and I spent more of the day over at Hans's house because his family had a graduation party, I got to meet a bunch if not all of Hans's relatives, and hang out with friends that I already knew, so that was pretty cool. Afterwords, Katie, Joel, Gim, Hans, and I went back to my house and we watched "Being John Malkovich". That movie was fucking awesome. Everything from the cinematography, to the subtle lines, to the out right randomness that just seemed to radiate from the screen just made me laugh and wonder about how something like this would actually impact society. John Cussak and Cameron Diaz are also both wonderful actors, and thier characters were great. I rccomend this to anyone who enjoyed "Say Anything". Another really good Cussak movie. After Katie and Hans left because they were both really tired, I taught Joel and Gim how to play liars dice. It's a really stupid game that doesn't take any thinking, and involves five dice and a cup. You shake up the dice and then you look at the dice (if you choose) and then you pass the cup to the next person and say something that you rolled, such as three twos, or something like that. Ones are wild. The game then prceeds like bullshit (or "mud" for all you G-rated people), where you have to continue calling something higher, and you can lie, and you can set dice aside to keep their values or whatever you want. The game wasn't really designed to have a purpose, but I suppose if you were really drunk it would require all your attention to be good at it. speaking of being drunk, here comes the effects of that Tria-whats it, so I have to go pass out now, and when I wake up, I will go graduate, yay! good night all.

June 04, 2000
Ryan still = broken (ho hum, I have no hope of a cure). Someone please download the song Ann Lee - 2 Times, and share in my misery of having the most obnoxious song that you have ever heard in your entire life stuck in your head. I swear this is the single catchiest song I have ever heard. Ahhhh! it's eating at my brain! And I don't have much of a brain left after the last four years at Fremd High School where I graduated from today, yay! The graduation went pretty well, we had the usual shpeal, first we have the opportunity speach, then the song about memories, then the talk aobut how great it's been, then the poem about success, then the readings of the names, then the final so long and the good luck, yay! just like every other graduation. I'm suprized they didn't beat the year 2000 thing like a dead horse, I suppose I should be glad of that, because to me 2000 is a number, it falls convieniently between 1999 and 2001, and because it is devisible by 1000, we should be particularly happy or something. Sorry to piss on everyone's parade, but I find it hard to get myself worked up over this whole thing. This morning I woke up and there were a whole ton of green and gold balloons all over my room and on my bed. Care of my sisters (thanks, that was really good of you). I still find it humorous that I have my diploma in hand and yet I am still going to go back to that school to take a test prolly tomorrow (assuming I get around to it). Wow, not only am I without illness now, I think that I am actually getting worse. It isn't that my voice is getting more horse or I have a worse headache, no, my voice and head are getting better. It's just now I am also coughing up a storm and I have a really horrible sinus clog. This sucks. I think that being sick is even worse than say, being really really sad, which is the only other feeling I can compare to. Because being sad or sick just generally sucks. But being sad is something that you can turn around. I think that if you try hard enough, you can usually get over being sad. There is always something or someone that will make you feel better, if you are willing to look for it. Being sick just sucks, because after trying numerous things to try to fix it, I have figured out that there really ain't a damn thing that I can do about it. I've tried all the medicines and they just put off the sickness, only to return later with a vengence. It seems as though the more suddenly I fall asleep due to Triaminocol, the more suddenly I wake up in the morning with the realization that my nose no longer functions and I have to make a mental effort to open my mouth and brethe so as not to die. And every evening after I have taken dayquil, all the little bastard symtoms just wait for the dayquil to get out of my system so that they can continue to kick me in the proverbial nuts. So after graduation, my family (as a whole for once) went to Morton's steak house, which was a lot of fun. They have some really great food there and a lot of the people that were there had come from the Fremd graduation. There is one thing I'd like to comment on about that place. A friend of mine was attempting to wash his hands in the bathroom with one of those "smart" sinks with the little hand detector that turns it on and off... ...smart ass sinks I think better describes it. I actually think the sink was conciously mocking him. It would randomly turn on and off and then refused to turn on at all once he got soap on his hands. I just thought that was funny. So after dinner Molly, Hans, Marci, and Joel stopped by to say hi, and hang out for a while. Then Molly, Marci, and Joel took off to go to some party with Molly's boyfriend Ryan, I hope they have fun and don't get into any trouble there. Anyway, so Hans and I kinda sat around and talked with my sisters and one of my sister's friends for a while and then he took off. Oh, and I'd like to thank Katie for given me a call to see how I was doing and to say goodnight, that was really cool of you. Okay, coughing sucks, but it sucks even worse when I am trying to type, so I'll se you all later. Happy graduation to all those who graduated today. And all those who didn't graduate prolly already graduated and I despise you cause you have already been out of high school for a year, or you never graduated high school and are too dumb to operate that strange glowing box that sits in front of you now, and could much less likely even figure out who I am :P... ...just kidding I hold all my readers in the highest of respects, good night

June 05, 2000
Ryan still = broken. Help... ...someone please help... ...no really I think I am dying... ...oh, now why are you laughing... ...you don't want me to die do you? I really wish I could just focus on being well and then have my sickness go away. Because I would really like for this to just go away so I can enjoy my summer. I'd really like to be spending more time with people, but I can't without making them all sick too, and I really don't want to do that. I am usually one to always want to do something fun, but now I find myself opting to lay on the floor because I can't find the energy to move. I watched RAW, sort of, not really paying attention to anything that happened. I was a team captain for the mwf today, but I changed the team logo to one that I felt made more sense and actually had the team call letters in it. But Joel didn't like it so he took it down and made me not a captain anymore, oh well. Hans got a new laptop. I got a couple new shirts. Then I sat around. I need health before I can do much more than that in a day.

June 06, 2000
wow, gee, I don't even know where to begin, I see so much truth in Joel's last two entries I don't even konw what to say. I guess I could stand to reenforce if not tear down my philosophy on the way life has been going. Oh, right, ryan still = broken, I almost forgot, I seem to have lost all hope of becoming well at any point during the course of the summer. I did, however, bite my lip, take some dayquil, do some reading, do some writing, and some typing, handed in the assignments and took the test today for Mr. Wyman's senior English class. I am officially no longer a student at William Fremd High School. Damn this feels good for this to be complete. Oh right, youi dont' want to hear about that, you want to hear about the whole changing of my life view. I don't agree or disagree with anything Joel says on his site. I think what he has to say is valid. He is speaking from what he believes. It matters not what is true, or what is untrue. What is right, and what is wrong. Nor does it matter what should or what shouldn't. I expect a few people I know to be offended by what Joel has to say. That is them, that is their personalities, there is no changing that. They are not right, they are not wrong, they should be upset, they shouldn't be upset. I can see that Joel is quite upset with how things are. He wants to change, he wants things to be different. I respect that. That's something he can be sure about. He doesn't know what he wants, but he knows he doesn't have it. Katie doesn't know what she wants, I know she knows it, but her personality would like for us to believe she has it all figured out. That's completely natural, if everyone around me thinks I know what I want, maybe that will help me figure it out. Not a bad plan I suppose, at least it is a plan. I don't know what I want. I guess I am waiting for other people to figure it out first. Maybe that is why I seemed destined never to know what I want. If for some reason you have been fooled into thinking that I have a dream or vision about how I see myself, pfft, you aren't right. But you aren't wrong either. Maybe what I want is seperate from where I plan to go. Is it wrong for me to want everyone around me to be happy as completely impracticle as that sounds. I have nothing really going against me right now. I am smart, funny, well off financially, I have every reason to be the object of misdirected aggression from everyone I know. But I would really like to divert my attention to recognizing other people's problems and doing what I can to help, whatever that may be. It is one of the things I enjoy most. I really hate to be miserable. C'mon people, it sucks. Pity sucks, it really does, pity is empty, and being miserable all the time will only get you pity. But pity is like a drug. Pity is attention for those that don't feel they have another way. Much like happeness or a calm state of mind can be achieved by smoking pot, pity will get people to see you, to "feel your pain" to want to help you when nothing else will get them to. but people who are being pitiful aren't really helping you, they are getting you your next fix, your next hit. If you were not miserable, would people say, "hmm, nothing wrong with them, moving right along?" or would people stop and notice you anyway? People have a fear of being themselves. "Just be yourself" everyone says. People can't be themselves, because no one knows what they are. "gee ryan, what makes you so special that you know who you are?" Did I ever say I was not "people" sometimes. just because I am god doesn't mean I am immune to the rules :). Well, "people" need to realize their limitations, if everyone could just stop and say, "what the hell am I doing?" like I did about a year and half ago. And hopefully their collective answer will be, "I don't know". Most of us reading this are young. We will beat the shit out of ourselves later in life trying to figure out why we did to ourselves what we are doing now. I applaud Joel for his last too entries. Not because they are true, not beacuse they are false, not because of "should"s or "shouldn't"s or because of "right"s or "wrong"s, but because he said something. He stopped looking for pity and started looking for something better, actual attention, none of that pity that is one of the worst controlled substances out there. But I'll bet you all knew all this already. Don't lie, you know you did, I know you did. Sure, I figured out most of it while I was typing, but that shouldn't matter. I don't need a proverbial apple to hit me in the head. The question is, what do you all need to hit you in the heads?

June 07, 2000
Ryan still = broken (can we just assume that from now on?, I'll just tell you when ryan != broken, how does that sound?) well, what today started out not all that bad. And as I usually do I will try to look at the bright side of the day. But getting tackled into a basketball post is not my idea of a good day, especially when the one doing to tackling didn't notice that you were saying, "dude, get the fuck off of me." I took some part of that basketball thing be it the post, or the corner of the base or something right below my left eye socket, successfully making my nose bleed and bending my glasses and shoving them into my eye, ouch. Not cool amigo. But I guess on the bright side of today, I discovered a new program today called Scour Media Exchange. It's like napster only... ...no, it's pretty much like napster. Gonna get some ice, talk to ya later.

June 08, 2000
Ryan = not as broken as he was before. I am actually feeling a lot better today than I have in the past week, very very nice. Today was spent mostly sleeping so there is not much to be said. Welcome back Katie from Augustana, hope the trip went well. I talked to rosie, the whole slamming head into a post thing is cool, he apoligized and I do realize he didn't mean any harm, besides, I'm okay now, and I'll live. We had an MWF game tonight, we didn't do very well, it took Rosie and Hans a while to get a good defense going against them, but once they had it it was great, but we were already getting rocked at that point. Joel and I were too busy being disorginized and not capturing the flag. We just generally didn't orginize very well. And it didn't help that I played like shit. but oh well. Joel has a little, oh so clever, burn towards me on his website. So, not to be outdone, here's a little ditty I whipped up to defend my flash 4 philosophy, I say here and now I can make whatever the hell I want in flash 4 whether people think I am 1337 because of it, or not :P. Well, I am really tired as sleeping all day tends to wear you out, So I am going to catch some sleep now.

June 09, 2000
Why must I go on? What the hell is so wrong with me that I must be tested so. This week which has gone so well for me, is just getting better all the time. Let's see, I start out sick, (that I guess I brought with me from last week, so I suppose I can't blame this week for that :P) let's see, I haven't accomplished anything all week. I feel like Bill Murry in groundhog's day, cause every day I get better from my cold, and every morning I wake up sick again. How twisted is that? So anyway, back to the week, Have you ever had someone you don't really like (I don't dislike the person I just don't consider him a "bud" or anything) talk to you over instant messenger about nothing? I don't konw, maybe I'm just being an asshole, but he honestly doesn't have much to say. I don't really ever see him, and we were never really friends. Actually for a while he was my "boss"... ...sort of. He worked in the same place I did with a higher position, he couldn't really tell me what to do. But I don't know, I guess he means well, I'm not gonna complain about it. Then I attempt to be a team captain of the MWF and get rejected by joel cause I changed a picture. Then I get my nose broke by Rosie in a stupid skirmish, then I play like absolute shit in the MWF game, not really helping out at all, and I have barely seen Katie all week, and it really gets me down, cause she can usually make me smile, and I could really use that right about now. And now, today pretty much sucked, I sat around and did nothing, and then I sat around and did nothing while Joel played FF VII. Then we decided to go see Gone in Sixty Seconds. So we go to the theatre and every showing was sold out. So we decided to see road trip. I had already seen it, but Joel hadn't, and I didn't mind seeing it again. It is really funny though, even the second time. Ah yes and tonight, sigh, I am an official simpson now, as I now pass the qualifying trait of being a shitty driver. I got a speeding ticket for going 59 in a 45. you know, I could point out that there wasn't anyone around me for miles, and I could point out that it's only 14 over, not life threatening, or I could point out that it was a straight piece of road with no weather at the time. But I find it easier to bite my lip and say fuck it. Eat the hunrderd bucks, and go to traffic school some time probably 5 years from now. Given, I wasn't doing anything "stupid" as most people wuld put it, but I guess if you constitute "stupid" as anything that can get you a ticket, warrented or unwarrented, than I'm a moron. I doubt my dad will care, it's not like he isn't taking my car away from me at the end of the summer anyway, it won't cost him a dime, and it'll just be my problem, I got the hundred bucks, that's not a problem either, but I do have better things to spend it on, like clothing and food next year :P. I hope that cop is happy that he has just starved an innocent person :P. Okay, that's enough about that. I have determined that it is damn near impossible to solve a rubik's cube when you can't distinguish between the colors due to extreme fading and wear. So, I decided to take all the stickers off my cube, and clean it off real good, and then paint with my airbrush so that it won't get screwed up again. After all, the paints I got for it were 10 bucks, I already have the airbrush, so the cost of another cube is ten bucks, and I know that the same damn thing is going to happen to it if I buy a new one, so I say screw it, I'm not buying any more rubik's cubes, this is my forth, and I am keeping it. I don't even know where the hell my other three are, let alone what condition they are in. Hopefully this one won't disappear into infinity. Well, I can't leave an entry this one sided, it isn't like me. This week, several good things have happened to me. I graduated high school :), I got to see my sisters again since about 5 months :), I found out about a really cool and witty graduation present that Katie is making me :), I got a bunch of money for graduation :), and I got to spend some time with friends :). Although my first week out of high school could have gone better, it could have been much worse, and besides it was only five days out of 30,000 that I'm scheduled for. Or maybe if it was like groundhog's day it would only be one of 30,000. That would also be really cool, because then I would wake up and this little yellow stip of paper wouldn't be on my desk in the morning :P. One can only hope.

June 13, 2000
Despite what any of you readers have heard, said, thought, or hoped, I am still here and I did not kill myself after last week. Even though the lack of entries and the general crappy note I left on would have pointed to that, well, I'm not one to kill myself thinking it will solve problems. I have tried killing others, and that doesn't seem to solve problems, so why would I want to kill myself? well, things hav been pretty cool lately, and there is happily no more real bad news, but there is a shitload of stuff I have to write about, so get your reading shoes on. Okay, I talked to my dad about the ticket. He seems to not care a whole lot. He thanked me for giving him the option of not doing anything and that I take care of it, but then promptly told me that would be dumb. So he is having me get a court date. I don't know, something about him knowing all the judges and DAs at the rolling meadows court house gives him confidence. Damn, I am a spoiled child. I attempted to see gone in sixty seconds yet again, this time with Katie, but alas it was sold out again. We ended up just watching Spaceballs at my house. That was fun anyway, and you always gotta love Spaceballs, it's a classic movie. I played basketball with everyone and determined a couple of things 1) I suck at basketball. I don't pretend to be good, I don't really care. 2) I was still sick when I was playing. Not only did I completely suck that entire game, I was also sick and was therefore having trouble brething after any extended period of running. So I not only played horribly, but I didn't have much fun either. Later that day we all brought computers to Milzy's house and played some quality counter-strike. After playing UT that game takes a whole hell of a lot of getting used to. But once you do it's really cool. It is by far one of the most realistic games out there. Being that not only are all the weapons in it completely possible, but they are actual weapons that have been produced, and they all for the most part work the same way as the real thing. Also, your health and dying are both very realistic, where getting killed is not that hard, and once you are dead, you are dead until the next round starts. Monday I hung out at Joel's house, where we attempted to make an audio CD for Jinni, only to have Joel's computer be a pain in the ass about it. But we managed. Then Joel comlpained to me how he had to play counter-strike online but counldn't because all of the key-gens that he found didn't work. Well, Joel, if you really wanted to you could go out and buy the game, that would work. I don't even think it is all that expensive anymore. Then I went home for a while and messed with my computer to make the entire color scheme a cool relaxing shade of, you guessed it, green. Then I went to Hans's house to pick up a few cds that I would need to work at my Dad's office for today, and I also cought the end of RAW. I also came to yet another conclusion... ...I am allergic to Hans's cat. I just started to notice it now, but every time I am over there my eyes itch and it never really occured to me that it was the cat. But Monday night after I left Hans's house my face was all screwed up, my eyes were swollen and itchy, and I could feel my lungs when I was brething. Not cool. So, less of Hans's house for me, or at least avoid the cat at all costs now. I even have a theory that the cat may have been what was keeping me sick, if not, the reason for the illness altogether. I also noticed something about people's behavior toward Joel. And even on a grander scale of our entire group. I think that Gim and Joel have kinda sided together for the most part and tend to hang out together more. I think that now that Rosie is back Hans seems to be hanging out with him and Chad more. Marci seems to be spending a lot more time with Molly, Ryan, and Jose. And I just don't really care too much. I can see that the group is pretty much losing it. And Joel said it is probably for the better seeing as most of the time we can't stand one another. I think that is true to some extent and it also made me think. Everyone seems to be taking shits on Joel lately. Any little friggin thing wrong he does just gets him extrocated even more. And god forbid he try to defend himself against accusations that he did anything really wrong. That just seems to piss people off more. I don't really think that what's been happening to Joel is cool. Sure he has screwed up in the past, but that doesn't make him a non-human that shall be the general crapper for all of our aggression. I went to Smackdown today, and as we were riding there, there were cars passing us on the shoulder of this exit ramp, and we were trying to do what we could to get them to stop. And someone in the car said someone should just stand out there and try to tell the cars to stop. And then someone said, "I nominate Joel." okay there is a fine line you don't cross, I think that was just about it. Joel is allowed to have fun and not be thrown into traffic. So anyway, Smackdown was really cool, and we saw some badass action from all of our WWF buddies. Kane, The Undertaker, and The Rock are going to be a most difficult trio to break up. Oh I almost forgot, I went downtown today to work on the network at my dad's office. That actually went very well for once. The setup is now as follows. All the computers see each other, then can all print to either of the printers, then can all see the archaic novel 3.x sever, they can all use the internet over the DSL line, and I set up a tape drive in one of the computers that will automatically backup all the harddrives in the office as well as the server every night. That was a nice fat day of straight work. And, well crap Xoom doesn't seem to want to accept any uploads now, so this is gonig to be updated tomorrow when I wake up.

June 14, 2000
'Hello. Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone home? Come on, now. I hear you're feeling down. Well I can ease your pain, Get you on your feet again. Relax. I need some information first. Just the basic facts: Can you show me where it hurts? There is no pain, you are receding. A distant ship's smoke on the horizon. You are only coming through in waves. Your lips move but I can't hear what you're sayin'. When I was a child I had a fever. My hands felt just like two balloons. Now I got that feeling once again. I can't explain, you would not understand. This is not how I am. I have become comfortably numb. Ok. Just a little pinprick. There'll be no more --Aaaaaahhhhh! But you may feel a little sick. Can you stand up? I do believe it's working. Good. That'll keep you going for the show. Come on it's time to go. There is no pain, you are receding. A distant ship's smoke on the horizon. You are only coming through in waves. Your lips move but I can't hear what you're sayin'. When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse, Out of the corner of my eye. I turned to look but it was gone. I cannot put my finger on it now. The child is grown, the dream is gone. I have become comfortably numb.'
Consider yourself lucky if you were even able to read the lyrics here as well as what I am saying, because xoom is being so incredibly retarded right now, and as you may or may not be able to see Here apparently "Some member services may be experiencing difficulties." oh well, since I am not only not paying for this site's hosting, in anyway whatsoever, I guess I can't complain, and the fact that I am not entirely following their TOS to the 't' I shouldn't really do any complaining at all. But if they are going to offer such a cool service they should definately not do it half-assed. No one likes that. Well I am writing this from Joel's house cause my computer is here. I brought it here to play an OGL game. But unfortunately, that didn't really work out. The other team was unable to procre a working server so we decided that we would play on a public server, but that only worked until random people started showing up in the server and playing. So we figured we would play tomorrow when they could get their server up and running properly. But sadly, the MWF is no more. It looks as though we have another case of C-Town Snipaz syndrome. Rosie and Hans started the Creekside Crypts on the 2vs2 CTF ladder. And what a surprize, everyone is blaming joel for the break up... ...yay! another reason to hate and despize joel. Is he innocent? no. He did tend to have to make tough decisions, and people weren't happy with them, and he didn't always handle it all that well, so sue him. Is it Rosie's fault? he was basically the first to leave, and to throw knives at joel. How about Jay, or Joe or Hans, they saw joel go down in Rosie's book and figured, eh, what the hell why not, cause, uh, joel is gay and he sucks. Milzy got tired of not playing enough in the games. Is it my fault? well, I did play like shit the last two games, and I didn't help the team morale, and maybe I am one who wasn't always in the best health when I was playing and should have been quicker to voulenteer my spot, so I'm not free from blame. But do we want to have a team that is just going to bicker and complain at every moment. I think that it at times becomes like a job. I have had to haul my computer across town several times, occasionally on short notice to get to a cable modem so that I could play. And by the way, as far as Hans being one of the original founders of the MWF, I think that's kinda dumb. As I recall, Hans was one of the last people to join. The original team was Joel Rosie and the OSU guys, even I just kinda came along a little later. I don't wanna argue about this, and I'm not going to, I think it's a shame that I wasted 3 hours of my time redoing the MWF website for a team that doesn't have enough will to even exsist let alone get together and do some ass kicking. But then like I said, who wants a team if all we can agree on is disagreement? and from some of the e-mails that have gone around so far, I don't think we can even agree on that. What a funny chunk of irony it is that today is flag day, he he. Pfft. So Joel, Marci, Katie and I saw Man on the Moon tonight, that movie is really good, and I just might have to get that one on DVD to add to my collection. If you haven't seen it, go see it. I leave you now with that assignment.

June 17, 2000
Oye! I have been so out of it lately I haven't had a chance to write any journal entries. Okay, well, it appears as though the hatchets have been buried as far as the MWF is concerned. The new team that everyone is joining is the Kellhounds. No more Unreal Tournament for us. It's all about counter-strike now. I think Counter-strike is the ultimate medium between Rainbow six, and Games liek Unreal Tournament and Quake II. With counter-strike the game can play however you want it to, it can go be pure strategy at one second, and totally break down into a "team deathmatch" in the next second. The Various missions make game play a lot more fun, and there are a ton of different weapons and weapon combinations that you can play with to your heart's content. Today I was playing on a server on the map siege. This map has this one corner in it that either one team or the other has to go around. And I sat there with an arctic sniper rifle (a big fucking gun) and fired a round from about 100 yards away that went through three people, now that's what I call really friggin awesome. all the guns are based on weapons that are actually in production, and they all function the same way as the real gun would, both firing, and reloading. I think I have found a new online hobby :). Oh, and my alias when I am playing now is no longer "Chazman", it is now "Champu", the name that was assigned to me by Katie and Christine. Speaking of Katie, she is currently living it up in Hawaii. the last I heard from here she was on Maui, I'm not sure if they are going to be doing a whole bunch of island hopping, or if they are going to camp. I'm sure it would be fun either way. I get to go on my vactaion on the 29th which will be a load of fun. It's been a while since I have been awhile since I've so much as seen my waverunners, I'm getting kinda antcy :). In other news, Hans's dad's Acura got run into twice within a 12 hour period. Both times his dad was driving. Once a guy ran into the driver's side doors, and the other guy rear-ended him. I guess that car was just not meant to live. On monday I will not only get a chance to see my aunt that I haven't seen in prolly around 13 years. I will get to see my only two cousins for the first time. They are 9 and 5 I believe, and I can't wait to meet them. I really need to get to sleep pretty soon so I am going to end this shortly after a few more points. I have been living completely liek a vampire lately, I have been going to bed no earlier than 5 o'clock the past few days and then waking up at around 2 in the afternoon. My mom really wants me to be back to normal hours when my relatives are here, so I should prolly make a concious effort of solving that. There have been a couple of things I have done to keep me occupied in my insomnia. One thing being the construction of the Kellhounds Website I decided I would shy away from the excessive use of flash 4 that you see evident on this website, in favor of a more professional looking layout that uses excessive quantities of tables to get the job done, but hey, it works. The other thing I have started doing is going through my Mp3s and renaming all of them, from the current "(artist) song title.mp3" to "artist - song title.mp3" that most everyone seems to use. This may not seem like a big deal as it takes but a few seconds to rename an mp3, I have over 1500 mp3s total, which tends to take a while to rename, so that is probably going to occupy at least some of my time. Now it's 3 o'clock and I am going to make an attempt at breaking my habit of going to sleep at 5, so goodnight to all, and have a pleasent tomorrow.

June 19, 2000
Well, our new clan is starting out with what should be a forfeit win. As the other team did not accept the challenge within 48 hours like they are supposed to. And although it would have been nice to have a had a game, I guess moving up almost 40 places on the ladder isn't bad. Speaking of the kellhounds. The kellhouds site no longer sucks. It may not look all that different but if one were to view the source to it now, they would not be then inclinded to take their own life as it used to be. And now I could theoretically just hand the website over to someone with a few simple instructions if I wanted to, or if when I want to go on vacation they need to write something they can. I know damn well joel could figure it out, and I'm pretty sure that most of the others would have no trouble doing it, whether they've had experience with html or not. Anyway, enough counterstrike for now. Today was pretty cool. My cousins and my aunt finally showed up. Yay! my cousins are really cool and remind me quite a bit of a couple of the kids from when I voulenteered at care. Although they live in South Africa, the only diffenrce they seem to have from kids their are here is their accent and dialect. They like Pokemon, and the whole furby thing. In fact, Cody's furby is sitting on my scanner right now, and I am very much afraid to touch it. I don't want to wake it up and then have to talk to it for the next 3 hours. As far as pokemon goes, we went to blockbuster and we rented pokemon the movie and I bought Cody a set of Pokemon game cards. He was all overjoyed because there were two "really really really rare" cards in the deck. I forget what they were but anyway, he's happy so that was cool. We then watched the pokemon movie. I must say that movie was really bad. I'm sure it was real entertaining for them, but it had the unfortunate lack of any plot whatsoever, and it wasn't a comedy, so I found it hard to enjoy. At this point I needed to get out of the house. Luckily I got invited to go to dinner with Joel, Marci, and Molly. That was pretty cool. We went to some Italian restaurant out in Algonquin. Then we all went to Joel's house and watched Monty Python's "And Now For Something Completely Different" Joel and I were cracking up the whole time, but Marci and Molly didn't seem to find it funny. But I saw them laugh a few times, they can't hide it, they enjoyed the movie. I think my sister Lauren is coming back up from U of I for a few days starting I believe tomorrow. That will be really nice, she can help me look after the "young'uns". as it seems as though now I am the one that is solely in charge of that. Well, it is late, as it always is when I seem to get around to going to sleep, so I think I will go ahead and pass out now.

June 21, 2000
Yeah, the kellhounds win with a forfeit right off the bat. Joel and I have been doing a whole hell of a lot of playing counter-dtrike in the paaast few days, and we are both getting a lot better at it all the time. MY sister is back in town today whcih is cool. I thought this would lighten the effect of having company, but she brought a couple frends over they got the kids all excited and then left. Argh. Oh well. My dad, I have found, has become very quick to point the finger at me if something "technical" goes awry in this house. I gave them the Matrix DVD to watch downstairs in the basement, and they put the disc in and about 5 minutes into the movie the audio starts skipping and the reciever starts complaining that it can't get the didgital imput to lock (it uses a fiber optic cable to trasfer audio data from the DVD player to the receiver) So natureally this is my fault and I am pulled away from my counter-strike game to go "fix" the movie. Sure enough as I watched it again, at the same point it starts gettinga ll retarded. My dad starts going crazy, "If you weren't always down here screwing with this thing..." well, I actually have done none so much as watch a movie on a tape down there in months, so I obviously knew I had done nothing wrong. I went straight to the disc itself, and sure enough someone had left a really huge fingerprint right at the begining of the disc. Once that was clean it worked fine. I love how my dad doesn't bother to apoligize when he was wrong, sigh. Today I found an interesting stupidity in the wording that the OGL uses. When a team forfeits, it says in their current match status, "Forfeit loss over team X" how do you forfeit over someone? sigh. I have nothing to do... ...at all... ...someone help me... ...get me out of this house or I am going to go insane and start shooting people. The new begining on my website was an unconcious expression of the on-edge, headachy, crappy feeling I am having due to not enough sleep, and always having to do something. But for some reason I am tired but I can't seem to fall asleep, this really sucks, I need sleep but I can't, why me? why now? why is that the hardest days are the ones that even though you feel as though you got threw them okay, you still can't rest very well after they are over? I truely wonder what causes insomnia? is it an isolated problem? Or is it merely a sign of something else? well, right now I am too tired to think about that, and the very thoguht of attempting to think is making my headache even worse. The only time I can feel normal again is when I go over to Joel's house and sit around and do nothing. Then I can at least make fun of how his skill varies so much from game to game in counter-strike. Oh well, only about another week until I get to go to Montana! yay! Well, tomorrow My sister and I and the kids will be going to long grove, and then some other places as well. I could stand to by some new Dockers is so I think I may get some of those while I am out tomorrow. Ah, I just felt the ability to sleep start to wear away at me, it bekons, I shall answer it.

June 23, 2000
Okay I have to start out by simply duplicating this awful link of the day from something awful. I know basically only Joel and I read this site, but you have to see this.
Color Me Classy, not only is there nothing "classy" about their website, there is nothing there that would make me want to spend up to $5400 dollars on one of their websites. That's right, you heard me correctly. $5400!!! for that no talent bullshit that epitomizes everything that is evil about shitty websites. They use a background texture that is intrusive into the graphics, they use huge (150k+) graphics, they have excessive (more than 0) animated gifs on the site, they have a looping wav file clip of a song, and the friggin clip isn't even cut to loop properly! If you are going to pester us by hearing the same damn 10 seconds of a song at least make an attempt to loop it and fool us into thinking that there is more there. I hope, for the love of everything that is sacred in this world of ours, that this website construction page is a joke. Please, please, someone tell me it's a joke.
I heard from Katie again today, she is well in Hawaii, I wish her more fun and that she doesn't get cooked too badly, I know how much fun that is not. I found that my otherwise slow internet connection can do something well that I really didn't expect it to. I am able to play counter-strike with a ping of around 160 (almost completely lag free) and be able to use Roger Wilco to talk to Joel and Joe the whole time. I must say I am very impressed with the little piece of old-fashioned USRobotics electronics in there, good show modem, good show.

So today we went to Krispe Kreme to get some more doughnuts, that was pretty cool. I still love these doughnuts but like I said, they are damn addictive. Then we went to go watch a movie and we ran into Molly at blockbuster. So she came over to Joel's and we all watched "Seven" over there, even though we rented 12 monkies. Hans didn't really feel like watching the movie cause he got his keys and license taken away. Apparently he burned out the clutch in the explorer or something, but right now the car goes zero to 60 in a weekend if you are lucky. After the movie when Molly had to leave I was going to sneak out and try to scare her as she left. Well, Marci and Joel locked me out of the house. I went back and they did the little laughing thing, and said, "oh doesn't that suck." So I figured I'd 1-up them, I left. That's right, something they would never expect me to do, I left.

They really didn't expect it since I didn't have my car keys, wallet, phone, or shoes with me either. What can I say, I was really really bored so I jogged home 4 miles with no shoes. And surprisingly, my feet don't hurt at all. About a third of the way home a thought entered my mind. What the hell am I going to say if a cop drives by and asks me what I am doing. So this became my thing to do. To come up with a reason to be running at 2:00 am with no shoes on. Here's what I came up with: I am going to be going to Montana for the 4th of July and they are having a 5K nature preservation run where you can't wear any shoes. For every person that runs they will secure and preserve a portion of land. I want to build up caluses on my feet before I go. I don't know, I think that would have worked if I had kept a straight face the whole time. And oh, by the way, I want no one to feel in anyway that Marci and Joel made me run home. I did it just to be an idiot, no other reason. Just something that would make them think, about what? who knows. But Joel was really pissed at me for making them worry like that. But hey, you did lock me out, now we are even :). Oh, and I did gain something out of this; a very deep appreciation for well-kept side-walks. There are a lot of crappy ones out there that are covered in gravel and really don't do the soles of your feet any justice at all.

June 25, 2000
'Disarm you with a smile. And cut you like you want me to. Cut that little child, inside of me and such a part of you. Ooh, the years burn. I used to be a little boy, so old in my shoes. And what I choose is my choice, what's a boy supposed to do? The killer in me is the killer in you. My love, I send this smile over to you. Disarm you with a smile. And leave you like they left me here, to wither in denial. The bitterness of one who's left alone. Ooh, the years burn. Ooh, the years burn, burn, burn. I used to be a little boy, so old in my shoes. And what I choose is my voice, what's a boy supposed to do? The killer in me is the killer in you. My love, I send this smile over to you. The killer in me is the killer in you.'
Well Xoom's web servers are now officially un-fuX0red so it looks as though now when I write in here, I can assume that people will be able to read it again. Consider yourselves are wonderful people now, yay! you are once again blessed with the uninteruppted random details of whats going on in my life. Yesterday was pretty cool, I didn't really do a whole lot during the day, but I went to have dinner with my Grandmother, my Aunt, and my cousins at Baker's Square. My cousins really liked the food there so it went over pretty well. After dinner I brought my computer over to Milzy's house to play some counter-strike. The problem being, while one of Milzy's computer's worked along with my computer and Rosie's laptop, Milzy's other computer, Joe's computer, Hans's laptop, and Joel's computer were copmletely functionless. I don't know for sure what it was, but Joel was there the least amount of time, and seemed to be the most pissed about being there and wasting his time. I think of all people that were pissed, Joe had the biggest right, his computer has been fucked with so much that it doesn't even know what it is anymore. But we did get to play a little, but decided that the next game we played as a group would be over the internet sometime. So afterwords I brought my computer to Joel's house with the assumption that rosie was coming over too, but he didn't bring his computer. So we essentially sat around and listened to music. I got new video card drivers yesterday (the same one's joel got that he mentioned) which now let me play counter-strike in openGL mode and see everything properly. While I'm being a dork here, I'd like to also mention that just a little while ago, I disabled virtual memory on my computer because I wanted to defrag my hard drive, and when I restarted my system, after turning of VM, my system resources were 98% free (as opposed to 94% which is what they are with VM on) I just thought that was kinda wierd that's all. I finally left Joel's house at around 5 o'clock because I descerned that he didn't want me there at that time, which is understandable so I left. Today I did not much of anything. I went to Hans's house briefly to drop off some cds, and Joe came over with his computer cause the CD-ROM was busted so I fixed that, but other than that I haven't really gotten much done. Well, on a more retarded note, there are problems that are surfacing once again in the "group". (speaking of which, yes I will eventually finish the friends page, I am just really lazy.) Hans is still screwed up over the whole Marci thing, He is having a hard time accepting her plans for the summer (see Dec 4th 1999), althogh I can't say that from his point of view I wouldn't feel the same way. But honestly Hans, I know from talking to you that you know better, and there is apparently very little anyone can say to you to fix this, it's gonna have to be something you do on your own. And the longer you allow it to go, the longer it's going to really really suck for you. All I can say is good luck. And as far as Marci goes... ...well, to tell you the truth I don't think any of us knows how Marci feels about the whole thing. We shouldn't assume that she doesn't have her bad nights because of this whole thing either. What she chooses to do is her choice, I wish her luck as well. So as I am apparently quasi-groundered for being out until five last night, I tried to go to sleep a little early, but can't help laying awake with my thoughts... ...Come home Katie :).

June 26, 2000
Well Today My dad took the kids with him to work. Great, the one day I had something for them to do, so does someone else. We were going to go to the mall and go shopping, but I guess we will do that tomorrow instead. Well, since I have gotten up this morning, not much has gotten done. I did a whole mess of laundry that I needed to do. I still need more pants, as I have plenty of shorts, but those don't go over too well when you are trying to ride an ATV. Oh, and I started making something that I am going to give to a certain someone, I won't say what it is, and yes I said this for the sole purpose of creating suspense. I also don't know when I am going to present it to that person. Oh well, you'll all find out when they do :P. I have sitting in front of me about half a deck of cards. These are not crappy cards, not those cheap plastic-coated cards that you see. Oh no, these are those entirely plastic, will-not-bend, will-not-wear-out, can-wash-them-if-they-get-anything-on-them cards that aren't all that easy to come by. And I am currently in posession of but half the deck. I am going to have to find my cousins and see if they can't discern the location of the rest of the cards before they leave. These cards are also very nice because they slide easily when you do card tricks :P. Now, I have faced the fact that during the upcoming vacation I will not be able to write in my journal. This will be the first time I am having this long a break away from my computer since I have started the journal. I just assume not look back on my journal if I ever should choose to and have a big fat gap in the middle of it, so I have an idea. I know from writing these entries that I have a hard enough time remembering what I did that day, much less each day for the past two weeks, I will therefore bring along a notebook. I will write down, in outline form, major points of the day and then when I get back I will sit at my copmuter for a day and just write the entries in. The same goes for when I go on my cruise at the end of July. Oh, speaking of the end of July. I got my court date today and it will be July 28th. Which is really really lucky cause I am leaving on the cruise on the 29th early in the morning. Yay! this might work out okay after all... ...Awh crap, I just spilled toothpicks all over my desk, fuck. I was attempting to be cleaver by "pouring" them into the shot-glass that I keep them in only to have the box fall apart and have the damn things fall all over the place. Oh well, no use crying over spilled toothpicks. Speaking of spilled toothpicks, my sister Leandra got into a car accident on Saturday. It was an accident that on paper was her fault but had a hell of a lot to do with someone else slamming on their brakes like a moron. That is never fun. She is going to have to be without a car for a while so we'll see what happens to her in the next couple weeks as her car gets fixed. Until tomorrow I say good night as I have a long day of entertaining kids tomorrow :).

June 27, 2000
Never, and when I say never I mean occasionally, have I ever laid my eyes upon a more vile piece of filth, than that which is Zombie Nation In fact, I think that game is so evil and satanically horrible, that I have come up with 50 things I would rather do than play, or even watch someone play that game... so here goes:
  1. cleaning toliets with my gums
  2. sell my internal organs on e-bay
  3. give head
  4. have toothpicks jammed into each eye
  5. shave my nuts with a live parrot's beak
  6. use my chest as a dart bored
  7. eat shit
  8. sit in front of a computer and surf the internet all day
  9. staple my ass shut
  10. sit on a lit cigar
  11. Consume large quattities of salted broken glass
  12. piss blood
  13. watch the movie "howards end" over and over again for three years
  14. beat myself to death with a large cod
  15. stick my dick into a hornest's nest
  16. jam blasting caps under each one of my toenails and set them off one by one
  17. death by woogie woogie
  18. cordless bungi-jumping
  19. hitting concrete at the speed of light
  20. dnacing on the sun
  21. being shot 4,365 times
  22. passing 5 million volts throught my kidneys
  23. cutting my ears off and using bondo to plaster the sides of my head shut
  24. replacing my soap in the shower with sodium hydroxide
  25. kneeboard across a lake of fire
  26. eat scissors
  27. being paved
  28. being impaled on a basketball
  29. having a potato gun fired at my ribs
  30. drinking a five year old rotting hunk of fish through a straw
  31. two words: stinkymeat buffet
  32. acting as a spike cleaning tool
  33. mindlessly face the shelves at CompUSA
  34. make lists of horrible things that can happen to me
  35. stare at the horrilbe blinking for eternity
  36. watch my computer burn
  37. bathe in rat urine
  38. take Ap government over again
  39. hell, take fremd all over again
  40. pluck each individual nose hair out with needle nose pliars
  41. recite PI for one week straight
  42. Use a red-hot fireplace poker to carve a mural into my back
  43. speand an evening at the "Toolbox"
  44. try to invent new forms of cocane
  45. close down all the restrooms in great america except one and then be forced to sit in that room for 14 days afterwords
  46. be a chemical weapon test subject
  47. rewrite the entire code to this website
  48. be processed as a unit of cattle at a slaughter-house
  49. watching the pokemon movie ever again
  50. being catapaulted over a wall of pure evil and land in the depths of hell where I would burn for eternity and be foreced to eat nothing but red hot twisted paper-clips while my head was used as a soccerball
When Joel got done playing this game I actually fell onto the floor and started going into convulsions due to the lack of anything that was this "game". So otherwise how was your day? Mine was okay, I had a talk with Marci today, one I prolly should have brought up with her a while ago. She has on many occasions told me at times when I was mad at her for some reason, that I am a really good friend to her and that me being mad at her really means a lot and that because she respects me so much my being mad at her really makes her upset. Well, that's all honky dorey, but it still doesn't make me feel any better about it. I have realized that this has been going on for quite a while and I am starting to get a bit tired of it. So until I think of something better to do, I am going to have a little no-marci time. I think joel wrote a very nice entry today, and from what I've talked to him, it appears to be the best expression of what he really thinks about the whole thing that he has put into words. I talked to Katie today as well, from that I have determined that I need to find my way to the nearest beach as soon as possible. I suppose I will really have to wait until late july when I go on my cruise to visit a beach. I simply can't wait. I brought Cody and Courtney to Toys -R- Us today, and not to any personal surprise, everything that was purchased there was related in some way to pokemon. Sigh, is there no hope for the future of society? Although I did see this really bad ass special edition X-wing that was made of legos, it had like 1400 pieces and was very very detailed... ...do I smell birthday present? I almost finished my little surprise today, and it actually turned out pretty cool. Well, tomorrow I need to get a haircut, and pack and a bucnh of other stuff so I am going to go to bed, plus, joel is bitching at me to finish the update right now, so there, it's done, are you happy now? :)

June 28, 2000
Well I did a bunch of stuff today. Mostly stuff that is just standard stuff you'd do before you go out of town. I got a hair cut, the usual, #2 clippers all around. Now I am "fuzzy" again. I got a new swimsuit cause the one I had seems to have taken a leave of absense. I haven't the slightest idea. The last time I used it was turnabout at Annie's house, I don't relly care. I got a really obnoxious bright orange one t replace it. I also picked up some more dockers because I needed them. Oh, before I forget, if you read my journal before you read Joel's then what ever you do don't click on the links he put up today, they lead to pure evil that is horrible flash 4 animation. Now you have been warned. I have once again renewed my slowly dying dorkdom by solving my square one cube. I am not yet able to do it without the help of the website that tells you how to do it (even looking at the instructions it is difficult) but I will memorize it in good time. It is solved with a similar strategy as is the rubiks cube but all the moves are different. But it's esentially the same concept; you memorize a bunch of moves that shift particular blocks without moving the ones you have already solved. Although the moves for the square one are much more complex because the block has so much less mobility. The only part that the page doesn't really tell you is how to get it back into the shape of a cube. All it says is, "you can not do anything along the lines of solving the square-1 until it is a cube." yay for me, I actually got to figure that part out on my own. Well, I am packed and ready to go, I do unfortunately have to wake up pretty early cause we have an early flight, sigh, are there no afternoon flights? I went and saw chicken run tonight, it was acually really funny. I must admit I expected it to be very dumb, but most of the comedy was well done, and I've always loved the fun things that are done with clay-mation. I really ougt to go to bed pretty soon, so I can get up tomorrow, oh and one last thing. If you don't like U2, you are evil. I am sorry, but it's just a truth you will have to learn to live with, there's nothing I can do about it.

June 29, 2000
Well, I'm out in Montana now, it looks as though (at least if you are reading this) that I will be able to update from here. I am currently sitting in front of a computer that I think may very well be older than I am. It is a pentium 133 with 16 megs of ram and a 28.8 modem. But I hooked it up with AIM and cuteFTP so I can use it to preform some basic internet functions now. The flight out here wasn't too bad, the free "coffee" they had at o'hare by the gate was probably there since the last time I was at o'hare and had simply been re-heated 15,000 times. It was close to the worst coffee I have ever had. I am staying with one of my dad's friends, and this is the computer I am using, I will try to keep up to date on the journal with this thing as best I can. The only problem being is that june is about to end, and I don't really have access to a copy of flash 4 to put a "july 00" link down at the bottom, so i'll decide what I will do whent he time comes along. I have a couple days to come up with a solution. Oh, I almost forgot to mention, on the flight out here a woman had a stroke and so we rushed to the airport faster than usual and the woman was carried away in a medi-vac helicoptor from off the runway before we were allowed to de-plane. I hope she is okay. I have also come to the conclusion that my dad is a "problem customer" everywhere he goes. He insists on complaining at every chance possible, and comments when he feels that certain FAA regulatinos are stupid. I'm like, "dad, it's not that big a deal, just put up your tray table and deal with it for take-offs" oh well, nobody is perfect. Today I did some riding of the ATVs which was fun, I went back up into the trails and found about 400 trees that have fallen over all over the place. So now where I used to ride is covered with huge logs and crap. Which, not to be hindered, has actually become a fun thing to ride over and gives me a chance to use the ATVs for what they were meant for. That's an all terrain vehicle, not a most< terrain vehicle :). The wave-runners are not back in from the shop yet. The were taken there to be repainted because some idiot last year decided it would be a good idea to tie them to the end of the dock where the water slide is and as the waves hit the dock the wave-runneres bumped into the dock and got a whole ton of really bad scratches. So we have to get all thew new registration for the boats and get all the stickers for the liscence numbers for the boats, which I will do tomorrow. After that you will not see much of me on AIM anymore as I will spending most of time on the lake and not sitting behind a computer. As soon as I find an e-mail address that I can be reached at I will put a link up to it here if any of you feel like dropping me a line while I am away. Now I am going to get some sleep so I can get up in the morning and hop on the wave runners and ride on all of those all day. C'ya later, and don't have too much fun with out me, er, hmm... last time I heard someone say that it didn't work out so well for that person so I'll use some reversed tactics, have more fun than you ever have with me there! :) night all.

June 30, 2000
Well today was pretty cool, oh before I forget, if you want to reach me just send it to the regular e-mail address, champu@chaz720.net, I just made a hotmail account and I use the pop mail feature to get to it. Well, I have been here one day and I have already had my first "near-severe-injury" experience (I call it that cause I wouldn't have died, I just wouldn't have been in too great a shape right now if things had gone a little diffenently) So I'm riding my ATV along this trail that I always ride on, it takes you quite a ways up the mountain, and you can see a really great view of the entire valley (one of these days I'll have to go up there at sunset and get a few pictures and put them up, absolutely breathtaking) so I get to what I always thought was the top of the trail, and I see a trail that is up higher still, it appears to go all the way to the part of the mountain that levels off before going almost straight up to the peak. So I'm like, who knows what kind of awesome trails are going to be up there, I could cruise around for hours. So I back-track a bit and see if I missed the path that might lead up to that trail so that I can get up there and have a look around. Sure enough about a hundred feet back I see a path that leads up there that was probably about 1000 long to the top. I look at it and, I didn't have a protractor with me, I guessed it was about 40 deg. I look at the label on side of the ATV and it says, "DO NOT EXCEEDE 40 DEG INCLINE!" so I'm in the clear... ...cough. Well I would have been had I not gotten 2/3 of the way up the hill and come accross a really big tree that had fallen in the middle of the path. I had to stop. I knew that when I stopped, there was no way I was going to be able to get started again at that angle, unless it was down the slope. I wasn't about ot ride the thing backwards down the slope I so I figured (note: I am getting really tired of this keyboard because the 'a' and the right shift stick frquently, but anyway) I would turn the thing around, So I let the brake out a little bit and turn the handle bars and I start to do a three-point turn. But I forgot I was sitting on a 40 deg (approx) slope. One of the wheels fell into a hole on the side of the path and it started to tip over. I fell off of it and landed right in the path. I look up and see a 500 lb ATV about to roll over on me, but I dove out of the way just as it rolled over about three times and landed upside-down on a tree stump along the side of the path. I tooked one look at the ATV and said, "Oh fuck me." luckily there was a winch on the front of the ATV, so I tied it around a nearby tree (now lauren is probably laughing right now if she is reading this because she remembers when something damn similar to this happened) I remember last time I tried to winch around a tree I damn near cut the tree down with the steel cable, so I found a nice big tree (about a foot or so in diameter) to tie it to. I start up the winch and I pull the ATV off of the tree stump and managed to get it tipped back onto it's tires. At this point I am still facing up the mountain, and now the ATV is no where near the path and is instead in the middle of a bunch of saplings. So I got back on the ATV and slowly let the winch out to lower my self back down the hill. Which worked wonderfully until the tree I was attached to broke. Yep, cracked right two, I would have paid to see the look on my face. I went flying down the mountain faster than I can even describe. I must have knocked down three dozen small trees on the way down, I was just holding on to the ATV for dear life. The brakes just locked the tires which made it slide all over the place so they where no use. I just kinda \rode it to the bottom of the hill. When the hill leveled out the ATV hit the ground like a wall and almost bucked me off again. But I didn't really care at that point cause I was back on the ground again. I sat there and just kinda gave it one of those looks as if to say, "no way that just fucking happened." I will try to get some pictures of the path and of the place where I knocked down all the trees and put them up here before I go. On a lighter note, today we did get the waverunners in the water, so I spent a couple hours out on the lake, the sun wasn't out so I didn't even get burnt. I think one of these days when the sun is out I'll go tanning, I'll see if I can get a tan and not just a roasting like I usually do. We even attached some extra planks to Archy's new dock and put ropes through them so that we can tie off the waverunners without them banging into anything this time. After that we went out to dinner at this place in town with some of the friends and I heard all the fun war stories my dad had all over again, I'll have to document them sometime and throw them up here, but not with this keyboard :). I'm gonna get some sleep, I have a long day tomorrow, we have to go put som other boats in the water and there is work to be done on the dock, take care and have more fun than you have ever had without me :P.

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