chaz720.net
January 01, 2001
So I got my resume all set to send out to motorola this evening, yay for me.

I distinctly remember wanting to write about a few things that came into my head a couple nights ago as a fell asleep but off hand I can only remember two of them, oh well, maybe I'll remember the others, maybe I won't

There are many people in this country that would like to have you believe that there was a problem with videogames that are creating way to much violence in children, and I assure you this is completely offbase. No, I have found the, quite possibly, sole reason that I have ever had the urge to kill anyone. You see, I was and am the owner of a rather disturbing stuffed animal. I'm sure everyone here is familar with the friendly gray rabbit, Bugs Bunny, right? Well, I have some news for you, Bugs Bunny had a much darker side that he showed less often, and I have proof to share with you. As a child I was the unfortunate recipient of the evil Bugs. In this first photo you can see that his legs are different lengths, probably suggesting some form of deformation. And in this even more disturbing photo, where you can see the demonic expression on his face. Although it didn't come out well in the picture his eyebrows are even pointed inword. I handed it to my sister and said, "hey look at this doll I found." and she dropped it and said, "ah! what the hell is wrong with that thing?" I don't remember actually owning this thing as a kid, but I could be blocking out the memories or something I don't really know.

Today has been spent watching football and sleeping, like any good day should, I just wish that the big ten did better (poor purdue)

January 05, 2001
My keyboard is dirty as hell. I look at it and there is dust and lint surrounding all the keys. On the edges of some keys there are small amounts of dirt. Crumbs from sandwidges, and chips. Small drops of coke or mountain dew that sprayed on it when opening the can. So I grabbed a screw driver, and I popped out my 'A' Key, and I cleaned it off with some alcohol, I used a q-tip to clean out the inside of the keyboard around the 'A' key, and then I put it back. I didn't clean out my entire keyboard, just the 'A' key. And I have no idea why.

Talking more than two engineers should at 4 in the morning, Joel and I made some happy fun observations. I don't know why I talk or write about people anymore. I find the more I do the more cynical I become. I guess feeling explainable makes you feel depressed. Kinda like how I love the image of someone asking a friend of mine what I'm like, and my friend just kinda doesn't know what to say. People would like to believe that they have control over themselves and what they do and how they think, and if you try to tell them that they are in fact nothing but a set of rules, it kinda breaks there spirit. Well, don't be too surprised if I damage your spirit a bit here.

I'd like to start by saying that a civilized species is an oxy-moron. This is because any species will evolve over time, it will sort out what works best for it by which members of the species are best at surviving. These better-fit members will end up living on cause everyone else will die off. But not with civilizations... Civilizations are far more, well, civilized. Members are not allowed to die off because they are less fit to survive, they must be protected because in order for a civilization to be successful, it must survive as a whole. Humans are not a species, we are a civilization. By supporting just about everyone we can, we have placed ourselves above evolution. Amazingly, this all comes by choice. We chose to be a civilization at one point or another. And in making that choice, we chose to no longer be an active species. But at what point did we make this choice? it could have been any number of things. Was it the first time humans tought something to other members of their pack? Maybe it was the begining of agriculture. Who knows, but whatever it was, here we are now, not exolving physically anymore, just teaching each other things, and sending checks to Sally Struthers in Bosnia.

But saying these things gets me funny looks, and (hey get your cursur away from that "close window" button) why shouldn't it, people are above evolution right? So what is so special about us that places us above everything else? Or ability to appreciate art? Sentiance? Plain 'ol teamwork? who knows, but a few notes on each of those. Art is interesting because it has to be balanced with needful items. Art is mans way of say, I am so sure in my ability to survive and to move on as a civilization, that I am going to create something that doesn't actually assist in the advancement of life, but rather makes me "happier" about living. Then there is sentiance; are we, in fact, aware of what we are. I am going to have to go ahead and say no. While some people claim that the fact that humans are sentiant is what seperates us from the rest of the animals. We know that we are animals, and that we are here on earth. We know about the chemical and physical world both in and outside of our bodies. That's great but we don't know what conciousnous is. We are aware of our own conciousness. But we are unable to figure out what it is that we are. The brain interperates signals and makes more signals which allows for us to interact with our envioronment. But the magical word here is "interperate". What they hell do people mean when they say interperate? there is a scene missing as informatin passes into our concious and then leaves in a different form. What exactly goes on to make that work seems to be something beyond our range of concious thought, and that makes us very much not sentiant.

Fianlly working as a team. Do you know what Disodium Inosinate is? I sure as hell don't, but if you've ever eaten Doritos, Lays, or just about any other potato chip made in the last 10 years, you've eaten it. For all we know a chemical like that could be fatal to humans. But the shiney plastic package with the pretty colors, bold lettering, a picture of a wedge of cheese, and silvery lining inside tells us indirectly that it is okay to eat, and by all means we do.

The term "blissfully ignorant" holds all new meaning for me now. Unfortunately my internet connection doesn't work tonight, so sorry to those of you who I was meaning to write.

January 06, 2001
Still no internet access so, bleh, you'll get to read this when you get to read this, no idea when that will actually be, but it's not really my problem.

We took a trip downtown this evening, visited the Sears Tower, ate at Ed Debevic's, and made our yearly break-in to the Navy Pier ferris wheel, where we sat around talked and drank cheap wine. We cought a trolly and the driver was nice enough to bring us straigt to the Metra station, so we all tipped him. We accidentally bought a bottle of wine that actually had a cork (go figure right?) so we were deciding on the merits of going to find an osco where we could borrow the use of a bottle opener, just then John turns and drops the bottle on the ground, cancel the osco run :). I have no idea why, but I feel like I really should have spent more weekends like that when I was in high school. eh. I don't like to think like that, I don't really have regrets about what I have been through, nor about what I haven't. I think that's maybe a problem a lot of people have. I think people have a tendency of looking back at their past and say, I wish I had... or I wish I could have... I don't really wish all that much, that's why coming back to the same setting I was in when I was in high school is so nuetral for me. Everything is right where we left it, and it ain't going anywhere too soon, meanwhile at school it seems like every weekend there is something new to be doing, or new people to be running into all the time. Everything is moving forward at school. Progression, you go through chapters in a textbook. You make it through another week. You finish a semester and then you move onto the next. But when I am on vacation, every day begins and ends in the same place, whether or not I do work, whether or not I have fun, it doesn't seem to matter at all. The reason this kinda bugs me a bit is, what happens when my this becomes my life. What happens when I don't have a textbook to finish? what happens when all the classes have been taken, and all the weeks have been braved? Then what... What will I do at my job, will I have specific projects to work through and complete, or will I do "assembly line" style work that doesn't really ever get completed. This is kinda a big deal to me I suppose. I always feel like I have to complete something every now and then. be it a week, a class, or even a school. But if I ever feel like I am working toward something that is intangible or far removed from my grasp, I will go insane. Having a goal is unbelievably helpful when you need to disregard that which is truely irrelivant. This is the first time that this thought has really come into my concious even though it is something that I've gone by for a while now. Interesting, I'm gonna go sleep on this.

January 07, 2001
Not too much in the news, didn't really do much today so I'm not really thinking about much, that and I have to get up to go to the dentist tomorrow morning, so I'm going to go to sleep pretty soon. Most of my friends have made their way back to their respective schools, and I find myself wanting to go back as well. Ho hum, just another week ahead of me. Tonight I was bored so I started drawing (weird huh?) and in about 15 minutes I came up with this. It's pretty distorted cause I don't have a scanner so I just took a picture of it with my camera, and I tried to make the angle work right, but I didn't want to cast any shadows on it, bleh, you get the idea. I don't know, I just felt like drawing, that doesn't happen very often, so I figured I'd go with it. As mentioned before, it's late I need to wake up and drive a bunch, so later everyone, and again, good luck going back to school.

January 10, 2001
Moving forward using all my breath Making love to you was never second best I saw the world thrashing all around your face Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace I'll stop the world and melt with you You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time There's nothing you and I won't do I'll stop the world and melt with you (You should know better) Dream of better lives the kind which never hate (You should see why) Dropped in the state of imaginary grace (You should know better) I made a pilgrimage to save this humans race (You should see why) What I'm comprehending a race that long gone bye (I'll stop the world) I'll stop the world and melt with you (I'll stop the world) You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time (Let's stop the world) There's nothing you and I won't do (Let's stop the world) I'll stop the world and melt with you The future's open wide (Let's stop the world) I'll stop the world and melt with you (Let's stop the world) I've seen some changes but it's getting better all the time (Let's stop the world) There's nothing you and I won't do (Let's stop the world) I'll stop the world and melt with you The future's open wide hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm I'll stop the world and melt with you (Let's stop the world) You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time (Let's stop the world) There's nothing you and I won't do (Let's stop the world) I'll stop the world and melt with you (Let's stop the world)
Ha, okay tell me how retarded I am for this one, I'm listening to Just Like Heaven. And as the song goes on I start to feel sad cause it's such a depressing song, and then I stopped and said to myself, wait a second, I'm not in love with anyone right now so I can't relate to this song, and then this is what makes me depressed, what the fuck is up with that? oh well, I'm only human.

"I'm only human" that sounds like you are just, blatantly insulting everone within earshot. (all the humans anyway). Like the instant you say that you have finally come down from a pedistal on which you are something better than human and incapable of making a human's mistakes, bleh. You know how retarded a bunch of people standing on pedistals looks? Well, provided we are not talking about a strip-club, pretty friggin retarded. I think we need to do something about the people that make these pedistals, you heard me, maybe we need a rough up a few pedistal salesmen and see if that does us any good. It couldn't hurt.

Ah, three days until I make my way back to the beautiful champaign Illinois. But before I do that, I have to go to the school registry system and see if they canceled my history class, which would really suck, cause then I have to find something that both fits my schedule and doesn't suck, If I get screwed out of my decent schedule again this semester because my class gets dropped I'm going to be perturbed to say the least. I've spent one semester this year waking up at 7:30am, I don't plan on doing it again.

January 11, 2001
Apparently my site wasn't meant to be, because the server it was on is no longer there, so my website is currently out on the street. I will work on getting it back up somewhere as soon as I find a place to be hosted or buy some space somewhere or god knows what.

Bleh, I should have seen this coming, Jess, the guy who runs the server that was hosting my site, has been going through a series of nervous breakdowns and sending e-mails to all users on the network that have been generally kinda weird, I was hoping he'd pull through but I guess he finally snapped and said fuck it. Right now I am working on getting the dns servers for my domain to actually point somewhere again so you will be able to read this and I will be able to recieve e-mail and the like. That I will need to dig up all the files that used to be on my site, so that maybe my page will actually exsist again, prolly not going to happen anytime in the very near future though so until then, you get this page :)

Well this evening is shot, I hope yours was better, back to my registrar's site to see if I can raise chaz720.net from the grave it was just shoved into. Oh and as I type this mindspring has dissconnected my twice so even if I do have a domain I can't get to it. Le, sigh. Goodnight, this whole thing is really trying my patience.

January 12, 2001
Well the chance of anyone actually being able to read anything I say here is somewhere between 0 and 0.01 so I don't really feel like saying much. Today I get to do laundry and pack before I go back to school tomorrow, so I will prolly be pretty occupied, that and I think I have some sort of funky illness at the moment but that is being combated in kind with dayquil.

Looking at the bright side, you won't have to listen to that so-called "god awful" loop of music on the opening to my site anymore.

January 13, 2001
Bleh, I suppose I should try and keep going despite the minor inconvenience of having my host deleted with no warning whatsoever. Well, I read Joel's site tonight as I sit here in my sister's apartment. (at which point I create an 'a' class because I had originally just created a bare-bones stylesheet, so now that link isn't in bright blue) and I would like to append Joel's thoughts with my own if I may.

For some reason I remember thinking about this before, but I might not have talked about it here. I guess I would check, but I can't. I just kinda wondered to myself about being happy with where you are, and what people really need to be happy. I spend quite a bit of my time during the week when I'm not at class, at my computer. There are tons of interesting people to talk with about just about anything, and hundreds of sites that make me laugh. (and let's not forget half-life and all it's glorious mods available for free) On the weekend I like going to frat parties, afterhours, floor stuff, or watch a movie or two with friends, roommates, or whatever, it doesn't really matter. I would never say to myself that I spend too much time in front of my computer. If I spent a forth of the time I spend at my computer playing solitare or snood, then YES, that would be way too much time at my computer. But behind the IRC channel, AIM, and news sites, there are real people. If you are reading this site, congrats, you probably know a lot about me, even if I have never met you. If we met in real life, we would probably get along really well I'm sure, but in any case, let me assure you I am not a robot, I am an actual person who enjoys talking to people that share my same interests. I have met people that show interest in a lot of the things I do. I think that's great, most of the people that will tell me I would spend too much time on the computer have no idea what I do with it. So I don't really take it as an insult. I think that at this point in college we just need to enjoy ourselves. If that means discussing whether or not circles actually exsist with some guy named RzE from California at 4 in the morning than so be it. Stamp me with a big red rubber [ENTERTAINED] stamp. Or, stamp me with your [DORK] stamp, take your pick, ink isn't perminent.

So now I'm back at school again, and they canceled my history class. As much fun as making my schedule two days before classes start, I was hoping to not have to. But I managed to get talked into an econ class which sounds like it shouldn't be too bad. now I start at 9am on M-W-TH, at 10 on TU, and at 3 on friday :). and those classes on TU and F are my only those days, so yay or some other expression of equal meaning. We'll see how my scedule works for me once I get into the semester a couple weeks. Hmm, come to think of it, I probably won't have to start until wednesday as my tuesday class is a discusion class, and with nothing to discuss... well we'll see what happens.

I have a crack team of scientists working on the chaz720.net delemma (Multiple Personality Disorder has it's advantages, two heads are better than one) and I have a few options that I am going to pursue, some of which are more preferable, and some of which that cost money :P. For now, I will be here, which I've been told should be chaz720.net if your ISP's dns servers don't suck.

oh! saturday night live is on, later.

January 15, 2001
I don't see why I can't try and have a little fun with this site since I have nothing better to do anyway, except maybe install windows 2000 on my new RAID array. But that is long and tedious and besides, I'm too lazy and this hard drive seems to be working for the most part, maybe I'll call the promise people later or something along those lines.

In case for some reason that image up top makes no sense to you, then you obviously have yet to see this which Joel asked me so nicely to repost so I figured why the hell not. With all the problems on the internet today like something awful closing it's doors, I figured there best be something to do on the net for tomorrow.

January 16, 2001
If I went around and claimed that I was an emperor just because some moistened tart lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away.
My frist day of classes. And I have no classes. My only would-be class is a discussion, and since we have had no lectures, we have nothing to discuss.

Once again I got extremely bored toady and pulled out a pencil this time instead of a pen, and drew a picture of Asuka, I like this one better than the last drawing I did, but this one took around 40 minutes as opposed to 15 like the last one. I think when it comes to drawing I'm going to stick to pencil. Tomorrow I have Econ, ECE, Physics, and Diffeq lectures, so I'm gonna go relax while I still can :) that and there's work to be done on the kellhounds site

January 17, 2001
So my classes all seem like they are going to be pretty cool. I've been to all of them now. My math professor is by far the most casual one I've known, and of all the math teachers at this school, he probably speaks English the best. So at the very least I be able to understand him.

I drew this later the same night as I drew Asuka but I forgot to post this drawing of Rei. I plan to draw the rest of the "cast" as well, I will definately do that tomorrow as I have most of the day off, I will at least get a couple more of them done, I've been trying to get some good reference shots of them, but I just might have to watch the DVDs again with my finger over the pause button to find one that I like, most of the art out there is rather suggestive and I don't think any (save a few scenes that come to mind) of Evangelion really warrents those types of drawings. Well it's late and I spent the last couple hours playing counterstrike (as this is the only time in the day that I can play with less than 50% packet loss) so I'm getting on ready to go to bed, goodnight.

January 18, 2001
One more drawing today, this one is of Misato.

Happy Birthday to Joel. He's 19 this friday.

January 19, 2001
I made a new counter-crap tonight, but I honastly don't even think it's that funny. I don't think I'm going to make any more counter-craps, the whole concept has lost something, no one really cares about counter-strike anymore. So I was sitting around talking with the d-smiley group (and marci and joel) and I left because something was just really weird about the conversation that I couldn't put my finger on. I felt kinda disregarded in there and I don't know why, oh well, maybe I'm just tired or something, I'm prolly gonna get some sleep now.

January 21, 2001
It's late and I wasn't going to write a post for tonight, but I think I will, I had fun these last two days and I think the mood on this page could use some cheering up.

Well, my parents were driving home from florida (my home is up near chicago) and on the way home they stopped and visited my sister and I here at U of I. We went out to eat, smoked a cigar had a few cocktails at the hotal lounge and had a good time, my dad got me about half a dozen really nice cigars that I partook in on last night :) muy bein! Today I actually woke up at a reasonable hour and worked on getting my install of win2k working, I'm getting there but I have a ways to go still. It is REALLY disliking the whole idea of having a RAID controller installed. But once I get that done then Joel will be the gleeful recipient of a slightly used 27.2GB 7200rpm hard disk that I will no longer need. Tonight I was playing around with mIRC and Lungfish (joel) and I were able to convince some people that we are the same person. I did this by making it so he could typ commands and make my computer say stuff, kinda fun.

I don't care what anyone says, there are few feelings in this world better than to have completed something that you know is difficult, but yet it posed no problem for you. I am getting this feeling about my differential equations class. The homework right now isn't that difficult, bt it's new, and I completely understand it, I had no trouble on the homework, and it feels great.

Sunday is a very boring day here at IT, this became evident when Hans and I had Fei cut our hair. We've done this several times, we bring a stool out into the stairwell (which is right next to our door) and we just bust out the scissors and clippers and go to work. A couple of the girls from our floor just walked by and were somehow mesmorized by this. I don't know why. Maybe it's because we are so gorgeous without our shirts, I really don't know. So anyway, if you don't already know, when I get a hair cut, it pretty much just involves shaving it all off, it's what I do, it's how I think I look my best. And since we were drawing a crowd, Fei decided, eh, what the hell, so he started drawing things in my hair. First I looked like a skunk with a stripe down the middle, then he shaved the nike swoosh logo on the right side of my head, I'm always the entertainer I suppose.

P.S. if for some reason you are reading this mom, rest assured I look completely normal now... well, as normal as I ever look anyway.

January 24, 2001
And then on the 24th day, champu said my site will be back up and running in it's former state, and on that day his site was back up. And the peasents rejoiced (um, sorry don't take the peasents comment personally or anything thanks)

Well my site is now oh so convieniently hosted on a new happy location that is owned by a far less out-of-his-mind server admin that doesn't go off the deep end at random times during the night and delete mine and about 1400 other people's sites. I'm still working out the details of my e-mail setup, but for now please only use champu@chaz720.net and not get creative with the username just yet as I have not set up the unspecified users to go anywhere and sending to jamoke@chaz720.net will accomplish nothing but get you a nice fatal error response from my mail server. This will change in the future soon, but for now, just stick with what works.

Current state of my classes, and my opinions of them:
  • Economics: I was under the impression that the prefix "micro" was supposed to distinguish itself from the prefix "macro" in some way or another but it all turned out to be a terrible terrible lie. I've read through the chapter outline and I stand to gain nothing from this course but an extra A to boost my GPA.
  • ECE 290: This class is starting out in the slow lane and doesn't appear to be moving very quickly, it doesn't look like it's going to be as difficult as it is going to be time consuming, with online homework and some small written stuff due every week, I can see my time going it's way even as I type. The topic material does look as though it will get interesting as the course goes on, so right now I'm optimistic.
  • Physics: the staff for physics is pretty cool, at least the teachers I have, and once again this class is more time consuming than it is difficult. But then we all know how much of a complete physics nut I am, and this stuff just kinda comes naturally to me. I am considering becoming a member of a club called the "physics van". Essentially what they do is go to area public schools (elementary and sometimes junior high) and do fun demonstrations for the classes to excite kids about the world of physics, and kinda get them interested without getting too technical. I think this would be really fun, as it bascially does fun demos with physics, and you get to work with kids, I'll let you know.
  • Differential Equations: this class is that class that everyone kinda sighs and says, "I'm in diffeq" and everyone around them says, "I'm so sorry". The class is starting out pretty straight forward but I can just feel it getting abstract already. In this class I will not make the mistake I made last semester, and that was to not adaquately review old calculus. That is what beat me up bad last semester was old stuff that I forgot because I had studied it so long ago, I definately want to practice some of that stuff in these first few weeks.
Well, as you can see I am going to have a busy although not too difficult semester, and as always, doing the work ends you up just fine. And speaking of doing the work, it's time to get my diffeq on, I want to get a few more problems in before I have a class at noon.

January 25, 2001
I have found arguably the second worst feeling you can have (second of sourse to the well known loniliness). And that is the feeling that something is just not right, and you don't know what it is. Since the condition itself denotes I cannot state the nature of why I feel this way, I can tell you some of the symptoms. I get into the middle of a conversation with someone and then somewhere I know that I should know what to say but instead all I get is a weird feeling like even if I did say something the person won't hear me. I woke up in the morning and sat down at my computer and checked my mail, I got 18 more letters laughing about my countercrap, and 4 letters asking me with help on making something, or "how do you do that" questions, and I reply to all of them, but the usual feeling that comes from having replied to them isn't there. I walk down the street on campus and I someone I know walks by and says hi, and that is the only reason I picked them out of the crowd, as though before they spoke, they weren't actually there. When on IRC I am in a channel with people I am familiar with, I feel like I can't say anything, or I feel as though the conversation is going on well enough on it's own. Upon trying to install Windows2000 on my machine, my computer gives me all kinds of trouble, and I just don't really care, and stick with the old version of windows I had installed on another drive. Although I want it to work, it seems like too much of a hassle. The only thing that I sit down and do that I feel accomplished after is homework, like it's going somewhere.

Maybe I think too much for my own damn good, I'm going to sleep

January 26, 2001
Wanna cry for you, Would it do any good? If I rained for you, It would just be water. And the night's with you. And the storm's in your hand. And you're down, and you're down, And I can't lift you I'm powerless to change your world. I'm powerless to stop the hurt. But I'll give you my heart, Give you my shoulder. I give you my heart, Give you my shoulder. Over and over. Wanna run for you, Would it do any good? If I flew for you, You would still be standing. And it's hard watching, 'Cause I'm part of you. And it's hard not to, Not to know what I can do. I'm powerless to change your world. I'm powerless to stop the hurt. I'm trying hard to be your tower of strength. I'm trying hard to bring you back to joy. I'll give you my heart, Give you my shoulder. I give you my heart, Give you my shoulder. When the night just cuts you through, And the dream is lost to you. When you're worried and confused... I will give you my heart, give you my shoulder. I give you my heart, Give you my shoulder. Time and again, Over and over.
Today classes were canceled here at the U of I as the main powerplant that provides power to about 2/3 of the campus's power cought fire and kept about three fire departments busy for almost an hour. (hearing a dozen firetrucks speeding across town sirens blairing is not how i usally like to wake up at 8 in the morning ona friday) We never lost power here, but the all the school's servers were knocked out and we weren't able to get to anything. And a couple inches of snow fell and none of the sidewalks were shovled.

I watched Reservoir Dogs today, and it was a good refresher on Tarantino's style. The movies tend to, flow like memories would flow, one event or dialouge leads to another, and the actual chronological order of things is irrellevant. It's a gutsy style but he just pulls it off so well. If you have not seen it then do.

January 29, 2001
I have taken some thought, and I have written up a theory of how our universe may exsist. I think it helps explain some things, and it may create new questions as well, but's the point of theories, let me know if you have any comments about it.
Before I get started I'd like to make a few points that I want you to have.

First, Einstein demonstrated mathematically that electromagnetic radiation (light, radio waves, etc) behaves as a particle in that these particles are affected by gravity. Because particles of light have such a small mass, they are only affected by large masses, and even then, only minutely. To give you an idea that this works, just take a look at a lunar eclipse of the sun. The halloing that occurs is not because the moon doesn't cover up the entire sun, it's because some of the light that passes very close to the moon gets redirected inward a bit, and we see this list as a halo that surrounds the moon.

Second, I'd like to bring to your attention what an object looks like to you while it is underwater. We all know that looking at an object underwater can distort our perception of where the object actually is. I believe that gravity can do the same thing to what we see, it just takes a little bigger swimming pool.

Next, I'd like to say that I think space itself is infinite, I do not believe however that our universe is infinite. By universe I mean, a collection of all the masses of stars planets and other things worth considering. By universe I'm not referring to a void.

Okay, now that that's out of the way, on with the actual theory itself. I believe that the universe is in the shape of a torroid.

As our scientists explore the vast of our universe, using both optical and radio telescopes to do so, they have yet to find any evidence that our universe ever ends. And this whole place is filled with billions and billions of stars that seem to continue on forever. I believe that there are a very finite number of stars. And that what we perceive may be a kind of "loop". The universe is a rather densely packed torroid. Light emitted by the stars curves along the surface of the torroid, looping infinitely as it goes around and around. And here on earth we perceive this repeated light that reaches us, as though it had come in a straight line from it's source, and we acknowledge it as another star. In this manner, all energy and matter is contained in a closed system where it is impossible to get outside, because it would require travelling faster than the speed of light (as light itself cannot escape).

If one were to travel out into the universe, they could very easily travel forever in what the thought was a straight line, wen in fact the universal gravity, as I will call it, will pull them into a torroidal orbit that will continue forever.

As far as calculations that the universe is expanding based on the relative movement of stars, that's because we are located near the edge of the major radius of the torroid (as in, on the outer side of the ring). As everything moves around the torroid it would have to be accelerating inward, and thus, expanding away from us.

I think that our scientists that are looking out for alien radio signals are going to be in for the biggest surprise. When the vary signals that we send out make their way around the universe (this could take thousands of years, so who knows if we will be around to receive them) they will land in the very satellites that transmitted them. We will most likely think someone was looking for us as well. But by then I'm hoping we'll have figured out some better way to travel, and we'll be better able to explore the little torroid we call home.

January 31, 2001
One of us won't last the night, between you and me it's no surprise. There's two of us, both can't be right. Neither will move till it's over. I'm the center of attention in the wall's inside my head. And no one will ever no it if I keep my mouth shut tight. My own little world is what I deserve Cause I am the only child there is. A king of it all, the belle of the ball. I promise I've always been like this. Forever the first, my bubble can't burst. It's almost like only I exist. Where everything's fine, if I can keep my mouth shut tight...tight...tight. All by myself, I'm so much better on my own. And way out there, it is the same old place that it always has been. I'm the center of attention in the wall's inside my head. And no one will ever know it if I keep my mouth shut tight..tight...tight. My own little world is what I deserve. Cause I am the only child there is. A king of it all, the belle of the ball. I promise I've always been like this. Forever the first, my bubble can't burst. It's almost like only I exist. Where everything's fine, if I can keep my mouth shut tight...tight...tight. One of us won't last the night, between you and me it's no surprise. There's two of us, both can't be right. Neither will move till it's over. I'm the center of attention in the wall's inside my head. And no one will ever no it if I keep my mouth shut tight. Yeah, no one will ever notice if I keep my mouth shut tight...tight...tight. My own little world is what I deserve. Cause I am the only child there is. A king of it all, the belle of the ball. I promise I've always been like this. Forever the first, my bubble can't burst. It's almost like only I exist. Where everything's mine, if I can keep my mouth shut tight...tight...tight
Well when you speand day after day not know what day it is exactly, your life will tend to run away with you. And when you spend too much time learning and writing code, it will run away with your time. I see that the last day this was updated was the 29th but I can't put a series of events between then and now, it's like it is all foggy, and I can just see that I have been doing work and been occupied the entire time. I haven't stopped to smile in the past few days, and I just now slowed down for a few hours to relax and listen to music again. And as I clam down a bit, the events of the last few days are falling back into place.

I have sleeping whenever it's convienient rather than by any particular schedule. I've been getting a total of eight hours of sleep every 24 hour period I've just been doing it four hours at a time, and it seems to be working for me, cause right now I don't feel all that tired. I think there is something to be said for sleeping when being tired calls for it, rather than sleeping to avoid being tired.

last night Jen came over and cooked stirfry won-tons for me, mmmm, great stuff. Leading us to categorize college food into a few categories:
  • food - this refers to "homecooked" food that is just like mother used to make for you, very good, very rare :)
  • junk - this refers to anything that -I- prepare for myself, this can include tacos, cheese burgers, fried/scrambled eggs, and occasionally some half-assed stirfry
  • crap - this refers to anything that Kraft or Cambells prepared for me
  • shit - at least once a week this is servered for dinner in the cafeteria downstairs
  • a meal - this is something I buy somewhere and while it's not always good for me it gets the job done.
Today my Difeq teacher was just off the wall. He was just, for lack of a better word, ecstatic. He was joking about everything, he was writing sentences on the board like, "Okay, so how do ya solve this thing?" after introducing a new type of equation. And when a teacher like this is just acting this happy it's contageous. You can't help but laugh at corny jokes when the teacher just seems like he's havinga good time. I get really sick of teachers that teach stuff to you like you are a better person for hearing every word that comes out of their mouth. They will speak as though they are telling you the location of a treasure and you are hanging on the next statement to find out how many paces you need to walk north before digging. My Difeq teacher was completely devoid of this attitude today. Someone asked him where a particular equation came from, and he said well, we can prove it here, but as far as where it originally came from... "someone who was smarter and/or had more free time than any of us here, but I'll bet they didn't have nearly as much fun on weekends as people like us do." I just thought that was really cool. He acts like he's explaining it all to a friend, not preaching it to the damned.

I was thinking again, and I came up with an interesting theory. I think men are inheirently perfectionists, and women are more easily satisfied. This may be completely contrary to what you may have previously believed. But it is very important to realize that by perfectionism, I don't mean that we get it perfect all the time. In fact it usually goes all wrong. If men weren't perfectionists, there would be no pressure for women to look beautiful. Men are always looking for that one extra quality, and even when they end up with someone that fits their dreams, they almost always have thoughts (not right away always) of people that might exist that would be even better for them. Meanwhile, women just assume have their guy put his cloths away in the hamper so he doesn't live like a complete pig. For this same reason it's male engineers that start out designing a ship like the Titanic, elegant in all of it's style and class. Women would have just designed a boat that didn't sink on it's way over here.

Finally one last thing made me laugh tonight. Out of nowhere RzE ICQs me and tells me that he is proud that I am a member of the CS community. I told him he should be proud that he is one of the major reasons I am even part of the CS community. He said he didn't believe me, so I went on to describe the whole rap song situation and why we wrote it and blah blah blah and we got into this whole argument about why I was a member of the CS community and were bitching at eachother. Man, that guy makes me laugh.

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